- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Okay, a long vent here but I’ll try not to bore you with details.
First, I’m a stepmom. My FI met the BM (biological mother) when her baby girl was just a month old. The dad wasn’t really in the picture, and FI became “Daddy”. A few years later, FI’s son was born. When he and BM broke up, they agreed to keep the kids together as much as possible. Although custody/chid support arrangements were only centered around his biological child, his son, he continued to take the girl on his days he had his son. This was good at first….but recently it’s become evident that we’re really just doing BM a favor so she can have nights off and doesn’t have to be a full-time parent. Oh, and let me add that stepdaughter’s biodad came back into the picture shortly before their breaking up so he’s been involved now for almost 3 years. He wants to be involved more, too. He WANTS to have her on the weekdays that we take her. I say let him. FI says noooo…he’s raised her since a baby so why should the biodad be able to come back into the picture so easily after flaking out for 2 years? I see his point but I also say why punish the guy when he’s obviously doing what’s right now.
Now, FI and I have our own baby. He was born in February. We were engaged a week before finding out I was pregnant (oops! it seriously was a one-time deal…I was off bc for a month and we had one night, didnt think I was ovulating yet….and yeah…). Needless to say, our household goes from nice and quiet (somewhat) with us and the baby, and then to chaos when we have SS who is 3 and SD who is 6.
I am currently at my wit’s end. I have been doing all of this wedding stuff, planned EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of this wedding, and we agreed I’d do most of it DIY so we can save money. FI has hardly lifted a finger to do anything or to help at all. Getting him to help me with a decision is like pulling teeth.
Anyway, to fast forward to my current issue….FI just started a new job and it requires out of town training for 5 weeks. He comes home on the weekends, but he’s gone Mon-Fri at midnight. To make up for our days during the week we’d normally have the stepkids, we’ve been taking them on the weekends when FI is home. Now here comes the snag…BM planned herself a little vacation next week to NYC. Who do you think is expected to take care of the stepkids while she’s gone??
You guessed it! ME! And do you think anyone asked me? Nope. Everyone just assumes I’m available and will do it.
So here’s what I did today…
Technically, I said no to taking BOTH kids. Why should I be obligated to take SD6 when she has a father, a grandmother, etc. and my FI isn’t even her father??? So I still said it’d be okay to take SS3. After all, SS is my family now.
But now I feel like the evil stepmonster. But you know what, if no one has the respect to even ask me what works for me, then I have the right to say no, right?????
FI was speechless and had no clue why I would say no. I told him, I’m super stressed out with this wedding planning, I have no one here to help me with any of it, I’m a full-time single parent this past month and it will last 2 more weeks, I don’t get to do any wedding stuff on the weekend while FI is home because we have been having the skids and every time I try I’m too afraid they’re going to wreck stuff. Ugh I’m just so frustrated right now and I’m feeling every feeling in between being a total bitch and feeling somewhat “free” because I finally had the balls to say no.
Let me add that BM is the type who ALWAYS ALWAYS puts herself #1. She always “has plans” so that she can’t bend when we need something or want to switch things up. She parties every chance she gets. She has purposely taken the stepkids to daycare knowing they were sick, then not answered her cell or work phone for hours when daycare calls because she knows she’s calling to have her take them home. Who picks up the slack? We do! I have taken UNPAID days off to watch HER kids because she refuses to take her own PAID TIME OFF because she claims it’s time for “her” not for stuff for family. WTF? So here I am…no one puts me first, ever. Not even myself, now that my baby is here.
Please tell me I did the right thing…I know this isn’t the whole nitty-gritty story but I hope some of you have some insight.