Post # 1
Hi ya’ll I’m new to the weddingbee website but its wonderful finding people with the same problems I seem to be having.
Ok some background on me, I have been dating my SO for nearly 5 years. We met at college and we both recently graduated. Last year we got engaged, only thing was he didn’t have the money for a “real” e-ring. So he got me a heart promise ring. He promised me when he graduated he would get me the ring of my dreams. Its been a year since that promise and he now gets really snappy and angry whenever I bring the subject up. He has told me that he doesn’t understand what why I need a “status” ring. I have tried to just let it go but with all of my firends recently getting engaged and married it seems that its always right there in front of us. What should I do?
Post # 3
@Mrsfoxyangel: Is he ok with your getting a new ring at all? Maybe he sees the heart ring as your engagement ring. But since you’re the one wearing it, in my opinion, you have the right to change it to something you like better if you want to. You’re already engaged and changing the ring won’t change the engagement.
Maybe he’s afraid you want a $10,000 diamond ring, lol. Can you reassure him you won’t go over budget? It could be something fun you plan together. Try to get him on board, but first you need to know the reason he’s against a new ring. He’s allowed to feel however he wants about it and both of you should respect the other’s viewpoint. But you can always come to a compromise.
Post # 4
@Sunfire: That’s a great suggestion.
Reassuring him that you won’t want anything too extravagant may be a good thing to do.
Honestly, his behavior rubs me the wrong way. It’s one thing to be nervous or intimidated by the thought of actually having to get the engagement ring and propose. It’s another thing to promise your girlfriend an engagement ring after graduation and then get snippy with her when she brings up the promise that you made.
Talk to him and try to see what he’s thinking when it comes to getting the ring. If it’s about the cost, reassure him that you don’t want anything too expensive. You could even show him some examples of what you like, so he can readjust and figure out how to do this.
If it has to do with him not getting you another ring at all, well, then it may be time have a calm, rational discussion about this relationship. He made the promise, so he either needs to fulfill it in a satisfactory way, even if he has to say “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to spend less/wait a bit longer to get it for you”, or say he can’t or won’t do it. Turning this around on you as if he didn’t make the promise himself, however, is not right.
Post # 5
This strikes me as being totally about the cost of the ring and perhaps he is a little embarassed and feels a little bad that he cannot give you the type of ring he thinks you deserve? You know what I mean?
I don’t think he is trying to be a jerk or deny you a pretty ring. I think he might just be a little embarassed.
I think you should have a calm rational discussion about it. Talk about a budget, is paying an engagement ring of in installments an option? show him the type of ring you want he might think you want some enormous ring. I think in this situation you just need to be totally honest and upfront with it. If he never wanted to buy you an engagement ring I doubt he would have proposed or told you he would get you one.
Post # 6
Sorry for the wait in responses but its been a hectic last couple days. I have currently had a conversation with my SO about what we both expect in the next couple years. About the e-ring, wedding, and life together. It was rather eye opening for me and I think he also got a better handle on what I expect too. Thank you all for your help with this issue I have.
@Sunfire I think alot of this tension is because he feels like he can’t make me happy because my “dream” ring even before we got engaged is a Verragio ring. I just love the style of the ring and don’t need the actual ring. I am very willing to have a look alike with the same style. I think he is just freaking out at the prices in general.
@Rhopalocera we have currently had a discussion about the ring and he says its just going to take longer than expected to save up for my ring. I told him I chose him regardless of what he put on my finger but yes I would like to have something that isn’t mistaken for something other than an engagement ring.
@March1stBride thank you and yes that is what I think too. I am just trying to come up with a way to reassure him without making myself seem really impatient and callous towards his feelings.