- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2009
Hi everyone this is going to be a long one,
My husband and I started dating half way through 2001. He had 4 kids from a previous marriage and I had 3. He is a Military man.
Due to our children and finance arrangement (child support) we always found it very had to be able to move in together. Our relationship was hard as at that time we both had our children living with us fulltime.
Eventually his ex wife came back and wanted to get full custody of the children (and did). Things were always strained as she would make visitation every second weekend very, very difficult. But we loved each other so we continued to try and make it work.
In the beginning of July 2003 we finally thought to hell with it, lets move in together and see if we can work it. So we did. One month later he was deployed to Afghanastan for 3 months. I wrote in my journal all the time during his deployment and it appeared to be that he rang me almost every night to talk to me and always tell me he loved me and couldn’t wait to come home to me. We got engaged in 2007 and married in 2009.
Anyway to cut a long story short, end of last year (2012) I was told by my ex husband that someone rang him and told him that on the 2003 deployment my husband played up. I did not believe this because my husband is such a wonderful man, I trusted him 100% and he does not seem to be the kind of person to ever playup, all his peers would tell you that too.
I approached my husband repeatedly and he denied it repeatedly. One night we had a few drinks and I brought it up again and really pushed. This time he came clean. I have since questioned him on everything (as he has also been on another 3 deployments and trips for work).
His replies were: I met her in what they call the Sergeants Mess (this is where all Military personnel eat and drink from all Military’s) they would normally all be in a group and over time they paired off and began talking among themselves. Anyway over a month they had sex in the store room and on another two occasions she went to his room and stayed this night. Obviously sex occurred several time during the night. Twice he used a condom and once he did not. Apparently after the third time he felt too guilty and approached her and told her that he had a partner back home and could not do this anymore. In the meantime he was pulled aside by his Warriant Officer and disciplined. He was told that if anything is going on between yourself and someone else it is to stop. Then a week later he had to leave early because my father had past away. So he came home early.
He is currently extremely remoseful, I have never seem him cry until this day. He said he never told me b/c he knew he would loose me. I ask why and he said “the opportunity was there” (god I hate that line) he has answered everything I have asked, even the questions regarding the sex, how many times etc. As much as I hated hearing this, I just had too. He is a man who loves me dearly, he is always looking after me and helping me out. Cooks in the kitchen and hands me a glass of wine so I can relax after work. I love this man with all my heart and I know he loves me. He has always been like this towards me, he goes over and above to do whatever he can, whenever he can to make me happy.
Also he was transferred away from me 2 years ago (its a 3 hour drive and he comes home every weekend and we spend half of every school holidays together at the beach, as I work at a school). He has another year to do where he is. I have not been able to move with him due to my children.
So what to do, he said he will accept whatever decision I make as he was the one in the wrong and it didn’t have anything to do with our relationship, he apparently still loved me. It was a mistake (that he went back for 3 times!!!) to me that’s not a mistake.
Do I throw it all away. It’s the lying to me for 9 years that’s hard. Also the fact that it wasn’t a one night stand, he went back for more. He has told me that it has never happened previously or after that on any deployment as he realised what he had done.