Post # 1
A friend of mine is upset with me for not congratulating her on her wedding night and not goin out partying on her hens night… And saying her now husband was surprised me by being nice and it made me feel really weirded out. So I need some help on how to make it right.
Background wise… I was speaking to a mutual friend who has now told her what I said (which was not meant to be mean but sounds like it is). its gone through two different people to finally reaching me. I have contacted her to try and catchup to sort it but no replies even though I know she has seen my message and one phone call. she knows I am not into big parties and was not working so I attended the shower (pre event) till they went out and wished her a good time and on her wedding night saw her husband and said congrats and gave her a hug just after they said their vows. She was busy the whole night….
Anyway now im engaged and annoyed that I’m upsetting her and her ignoring me is totally bumming me. I should be excited but I want to explain to her why these things happened so she doesn’t think it was a mean gesture But on the other hand I think it’s a bit childish.
Any advice is appreciated. I’ve learnt my lesson to not trust that friend and yes I should have said it direct but I didn’t see it as an actual issue, just a passing comment. 🙁
Post # 3
@Shonzilla: Usually I don’t recommend messages or e-mails, but if she is ignoring your calls perhaps just explain yourself in a message, which is sounds like you have already done. Not much more you can do. She is being rather childish about it, so I wouldn’t swell on this too much. Just say what you need to and move on from the situation. If she chooses to put her big girl panties on and discuss it with you like an adult, great. If not, then it’s her own loss.
Post # 4
@megz06: haha Big girl panties is exsactly what I thought too. Technically I dont know that she’s mad at me because I haven’t heard it from her… So that’s the stupid thing, I don’t even know is she knows that I know lol. Im happy to deal with it but talking directly is best so im hoping that she eventually comes and talks to me. Her husband and my FI are best mates so that sucks… And the other friend who said those things doesn’t know that I know she did and is being nice to me and FI…. Even though we know that she “hates FI” and “doesn’t like me” which we have done nothing to her and her FI is my FI best friend and now my FI doesn’t want to be his best man.
Grrrrrr I hate drama!!! Were grown adults not children and it sounds like school crap to me!
ps. thanks for your advice, I’m going nuts because I can’t sleep over it now.
Cant I just be on engagement excitement land 🙁
Post # 5
Was what you said hurtful enough for her to refuse contact, do you think? I agree with pp, send a message that gives her time to think it over. Maybe what she heard was hurtful enough to her that she thinks she’s taking the high road by not fighting about it and just letting you be a part of her past.
Post # 6
Possibly, but I know shes a bit of a drama queen and loves making things harder than it should be. Its really frustrating, my FI has spoken to her DH and thats all cleared up but I think shes just trying to make things worse, I don’t know…. FI said not to worry about it but its easier said than done.
Post # 7
Maybe like you said she’s just enjoying making a big deal out of it. Perhaps consider just not getting wrapped up in the whole affair. Send her a card congratuating her on her wedding and make it personal and heart felt…..cards say you care, emails say, ‘I had five minutes at lunch and can’t really be bothered.’ Then the ball is in her court.
Post # 8
@Shonzilla: I am confused by your post and like we are missing information. Especially this bit
“I was speaking to a mutual friend who has now told her what I said (which was not meant to be mean but sounds like it is).”
What did you say that was supposedly mean?
Post # 9
@j_jaye: +1 and in my opinion you should congratulate both the bride and the groom at her wedding. And if you said some mean things behind her back no wonder she’s distant.
Post # 10
@j_jaye: yeah, that post is confusing to me too.
Post # 11
Have you sent her an appology for what you said? If you have, leave it alone. Not a “Well here’s what I meant, so it wasn’t really an insult” comment a legitimate “I am so sorry I said _______ to _____. I obviously didn’t mean it, I was just in a really shitty mood that day, and I’m sorry I involved you in it.”
Post # 12
Thanks everyone. I must missed a line out ooops! I spoke to my councillor and they said just to let it go because there is other things to worry about and deal with it if it comes up again because who knows what’s true and what’s not and it’s not worth giving the whole thing more fuel by talking about it. 🙂