- 4 years ago
Going anon for this post since DH knows my username.
This weekend we had a fight. We invited some friends over to play a new board game on Saturday. This was a new game we’ve never played before, and part of it involves strategy and the ability to make promises and be deceptive. The first game goes great, but halfway through the second game I’m winning and DH and I have to work together in one room. So I promise to help him and he promises to help me, I hold my half of the bargain, and he says “no, I’m not going to do that.” Which will make my character die. So I use a card that should save my character, he uses a card that nullifies it, I use my last helpful card to change the tides, and he uses another to nullify it again so my character dies and I go from first to last place. I felt like he targeted me to prove to our friends that he’s “one of the guys” and won’t put our relationship above competition.
It’s not losing the game that upset me, it’s that right after all of this he’s cackling up a storm and laughing with our friends about how he’s going to have to sleep on the couch tonight because he beat me so bad. I play along with it because I don’t want to be a bad sport, but it hurt my feelings that he lied to me during the game and then made fun of the situation in front of our friends.
I have deep rooted trust issues from my childhood with an emotionally absent father and a mentally ill mother. DH knows about it extensively. So the fact that he lied to me, even if it was just for a game, really hit a nerve and hurt. I had never even considered lying to him in the game as a possibility. It just never occured to me.
So our friends leave and I tell DH that my feelings are hurt and that I felt I had made a lot of progress towards trusting him but now I’ve lost that and I’m back to square one. He apologizes and says that he understands how with my trust issues he shouldn’t lie to me, even in a game, and how he wouldn’t have done it if he thought it would hurt me. So we talk it out and go to bed because it’s super late.
Sunday I wake up and I’m still feeling sad and emotionally raw. We start going about our normal Sunday stuff, but then I just start crying again because I feel awful. I want to trust my husband. I hate that I have trust issues. I think it’s so stupid to be upset about something as trivial as this. I hate that weeks and months of work are gone because of one day, for something silly. And I wonder if I was actually making any progress at all if all it took was this to ruin it.
So we talk about it again. I told him that I don’t like the way I feel when he hangs out with his brother, because I feel like he devalues our relationship to try and be one of the guys. I told him that if he wants to hang out with his brother then that’s fine, but I don’t want to be there for it because I don’t like the way that I feel. He agrees that he does act different around his brother because his brother is single and has never been in a relationship and DH feels that he needs to be the younger guy he used to be, otherwise his brother will think he is lame. I told DH that I won’t be hanging out with him and his brother anymore, and that they can do whatever they want but they have to go out, or give me notice so that I can make other plans.
I calm down, I start to feel better, we eat dinner and clean up then head to bed. I turn out the lights and he’s stroking my hair and I feel better about us, then he says “are you too full?” I’m confused so I say “for what?” then I think about it and say “for sex?” And he says that yes, he’d like to have sex. I’m so angry and hurt at this point. I felt like he was being sweet and stroking my hair because he was just trying to get some. I’ve spent probably 6 hours crying in the last 24 hours, and now he wants to have sex? Not in the mood does not even begin to describe what I’m feeling.
So I tell him that it makes me angry that he’d ask that. He insists that he was being sweet and lovey just because and that it didn’t have anything to do with him wanting sex. So it’s Monday and I’m still crying over all of this nonsense. I feel like I’d be back to normal emotionally if he hadn’t blown it last night by asking to get laid. Now I feel like he is just saying the right things to make me feel better, but that he doesn’t actually think it’s important.
I need some perspective, you guys. At this point I don’t know if I’m being completely crazy or if he’s just been a total asshole this entire weekend. I just feel so alone in all of this.