- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Hey bees…I’m a little upset right now so I was hoping I could get a little support. I am 23 years old and my parents are divorced, and have been since I was a toddler. It was never something I enjoyed, but honestly it wasn’t that big of a deal to me. I was pretty happy as a child, and I got to see my dad every other weekend, on certain holidays, etc. However, the older I got it seems like the harder is has gotten for me. As a teenager my mother got divorced a second time and that was really hard on me…but my relationship with my stepfather only became better and closer through that divorce, and I see him all the time and our relationship is great. I only see my real dad a few times a year, but I thought we had a great relationship and that he loved me and cared about me.
Well, my father never really payed child support (at one point he owed over $30,000)…and eventually my mom put him in jail for a felony for never paying. Since then, my dad hasn’t really been able to have a steady job, but he always paid child support when he could it seemed like. My dad has a steady job right now and has been paying child support again, then out of the blue he takes my mom to court saying that he did not want to pay the interest that has accumulated over the years. He was told that he still has to pay it and he literally freaked out and yelled and threw a fit. My mom and him argued a bit and he said some extremely hurtful things that I cannot believe came out of his mouth. He remarried when I was very young to a woman who already had children, and what it boils down to is I feel like he wishes he didn’t have to spend a dime on me and he would rather spend it all on them…I feel so unloved and like he doesn’t care about me. I don’t know if that’s childish or overreacting but I really feel this way. I think it’s because I always told myself that it was never actually him feeling that way, just my stepmom. But today it hit me like a mac truck and I realized that he does feel that he should not have to spend anything on me and in fact sees it as a waste.
I just don’t feel good enough for him…I have always been a really good child I thought. I was always on honor roll, played sports, worked ever since I was 15 years old. Now I am on my sixth year of college where I have been full-time constantly, and working part time, and I have been on the Dean’s list every semester. My step-siblings get terrible grades, smoke, one does drugs, they have had pregnancy scares, etc. I don’t want to go into too much detail…but why would he rather spend money on them than me? 🙁
The good news is that I am able to talk with my stepdad about this. He supports me and always helps me get through tough times like this and I am so thankful. Even though I am 23 years old, and not related by blood, he treats me like I am, and goes so above and beyond it’s ridiculous. My stepdad has spent a ridiculous amount of money on me helping me pay for car repairs, school, etc. and my mom is absolutely amazing and also has done so for much basically as a single parent. She always worked six days a week taking care of me and my siblings. So I know how super lucky I am. But still, my heart really hurts thinking about my situation with my dad.
Thank you to anyone who read this entire post I know it was really long…does anyone else who has divorced parents still feel upset from time to time even though they are an adult? Anyone else been through something similar? Or are there any kind words anyone has? Or am I just being totally stupid?
It’s just crazy to me because I have seen how civil a divorce can be (between my mom and stepdad) and how you can be divorced but both still care about and love your children. But with my mom’s first divorce there is so much fighting involved and arguing and hurtful comments made…with my wedding being a year away this is all very stressful and I want everyone to be able to be in the same room together on that day…I have no idea how this will all play out.
P.S. Keep in mind there is soooooooo much more to the story here I just kept it as short as possible for time’s sake.