- 3 years ago
Ok, so we’re having our wedding ceremony in Spain in 12 weeks, but we legally have to get married over here first as it’s much too complicated to do it there. We’re having the legal bit in a registry office on a Wednesday afternoon(both leaving work early), wearing jeans, not saying vows and not even exchanging rings, as we want our ‘real’ emotional wedding day to be with all our family and friends in Spain a few weeks later. We asked two friends who aren’t coming to the wedding in Spain and had planned to go for a pizza and some drinks afterwards – basically the legal bit will be as casual and quick as possible, to us it’s just signing papers(that’s NO criticism to anyone who has been married in a registry office, I’ve seen some beautiful weddings including my sisters in a registry office but ours will literally last 10 minutes and be as unemotional as possible).
We specifically didn’t want any of our family or friends who are coming to the wedding in Spain to be at the legal bit in the UK(why would we?)after all we’ve spent a year planning our ceremony in Spain and would feel a little silly getting married in front of everyone twice…when I mentioned to my sister that we were having our friends at the legal bit as witnesses(a couple we have known for 4 years)she blew up at me and said I was selfish and inconsiderate and cruel for not asking her to be there, because I was there to witness her marriage in a registry office a couple of years ago and how could I ask my friends to be witnesses over her? But then if she is the only family member there that might p*ss other people off, like my FI mother(her only son, and even she understood we don’t want any family at the legal part!)
Her wedding was decided and organised within a few weeks, neither of my parents were there, no family except me and even my partner of 5 years at that point was not invited, as the registry office would only allow two witnesses, myself and my now brother-in-laws friend. Their ceremony was lovely, we met my partner afterwards and went to a fancy cocktail bar, and my sister and her husband then stayed in a beautiful waterfront hotel for a couple of nights.
When I tried to explain to my sister that the registry office bit doesn’t mean anything to me or FI this angered her further, maybe I shouldn’t have worded it like that as it obviously hurt her and possibly made her think I was belittling her wedding, when I’m having mine with all our family and having a reception etc, I love my sister to death and hurting her would NEVER be intentional, BUT I do kind of feel like why should I avoid speaking about my wedding plans, dress etc just because she had a stupid argument with my parents and decided to basically elope at the last minute with no family at the wedding bar me, I feel like she deprived my parents(who have done nothing but good things for her)of the chance to see their first born walk down the aisle, she can be hot headed, and I feel like some feelings of resentment over my upcoming wedding might have made her react the way she did when I didn’t ask her to be a witness at the legal bit.
Just to make it clear, she’s my maid of honour at our ceremony in Spain, and as soon as me and FI decided to have the wedding abroad I made it clear to everyone, my parents, FI parents, AND my sister that the legal bit was just that, a LEGAL requirement for us to be married in Spain, the date we sign the papers will have no emotional significance for us, and our wedding anniversary date will be the day we stand in front of all our friends and family and say our vows, why can’t she understand this? Or am I being completely inconsiderate to her feelings?
The date for the legal part is coming up and we haven’t spoken about it again, the registry office only allows two witnesses and we’ve already asked our friends, but I can’t risk all this blowing up again so near to my wedding, what should I do? I think there’s an extra fee we can pay to have another person in the room while signing the documents, but then again there will still only be two legal witnesses signing the docs, our friends, and I’m worried my sister still won’t be happy with this?