Need some unbiased opinions..sorry it's long!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

LudaRae:  I think your sister is overreacting. A lot. I don’t think this is a way to demean her wedding at all, that’s the one she chose and it has significance for her and that’s wonderful. I don’t think you should have to bow to her whims simply because she’s throwing a hissy fit. 

I do wonder, though, if she thinks because she’s your MoH, that her name should be on the witness line. It’s traditional for the MoH to be the official witness and I wonder if she’s hurt that she doesn’t get that opportunity. 

I’d explain to her that the friends you asked to be part of the legal stuff aren’t coming to the actual wedding and since they’re good friends, wanted them to have some part in your marriage. Also explain to her that you are happy and excited that she can be there to stand next to you as you experience all the joy and emotion that being actually married means. 

She’s being dramatic, but it never hurts to spare feelings when possible. Best of luck in a tough situation!

Post # 4
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You did nothing wrong, she is out of line.You shouldnt include her in that day, your orginal plan was fair. She’s being a brat. Any feelings she has about her wedding isnt for you to manage. 

Post # 5
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have just done similar, i also had a destination wedding with a legal signing of papers in my home country first. We got two random people of facebook to do it, they were lovely but my mum at times was pushing for a date so she could just turn up.

I avoided all that by never speaking about it, just saying whenever asked that the legal bit will happen at some point before the wedding abroad… just changed the subject whenever i had to and all went fine.

Your sister is really really over reacting. If you invite your sister, you then may have to invite your parents, then your grandparents will want to be there, then his family members will all want to be invited (and if not you will have a lot of stress and hurt feelings)… and then your simple legal ceramony will turn into a wedding.

She needs to understand this and you need to tell her that you want the legal part because your wedding day is abroad to mean so little to you that having her there, as such an important person, would make it feel way more like a wedding than you want it to be.

 

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If the legal part is so meaningless, why do it at all? I’m sorry, but you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say “oh well we need the rights and recognition of legal marriage” while also saying that being legally married “means nothing to us.”

Your wedding is the day you are WED. Which will be at the registry office. I don’t know what’s happening at your ceremony in Spain, but it won’t be a wedding because you will already be married.

And I would be offended too if you suggested that my wedding was somehow less legitimate because it took place in a registry office. 

Do your guests know that you will already be married when they show up for your “wedding?”

Oh and also – I don’t know what it’s like in the UK, but I know that in the US a couple must say vows in order to be married, even it it’s “just” in a courthouse.

Post # 8
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Your sister is overreacting. I wouldn’t spend endless hours re-explaining what you already, very clearly explained. She will just have to grow up and get over it before Spain.

Post # 9
Member
7070 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree your sister is overreacting. I would stick to your original plan.

Post # 11
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

LudaRae:  You asked for unbiased opinions, and I gave you one. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean I’m trolling. And insinuating that I am a troll is verging very close to violating the TOS.

You just said “the legal signing of the paperwork means nothing to us.” So, again, why bother?

I’m still curious to know if the rest of your guests are aware that they are only attending your “emotional wedding.”

Post # 13
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

LudaRae:  it seems like the rest of your family knows and understands. I would say don’t invite her to the legal part, perhaps refer her to another family member who understands to talk to her about it. 

I do understand her feelings… I really think maybe she just wants it to be her name on the witness line. But I get the feeling she could raise a scene at the signing if you invite her along. Wouldn’t want that. 

Also, ignore those who say it’s not your “real” wedding. O don’t understand why some bees are so judgey. I understand because you’re not getting married in your home country that you want to be married before your emotionally married. Strictly a formality and I understand not wanting any emotional attachment to that. Especially since you’re not saying vows or exchanging rings. Seems much like filling the paperwork to obtain a marriage license. Ignore the negativity! 

 

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