Need some unbiased opinions.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Who should stand by me?
    Cousin (more like sister/hasn't done anything) : (6 votes)
    17 %
    Sister in law (helps with everything) : (29 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 3
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    Honestly, I’d have the SIL beside you and tell the cousin it was future mother-in-laws fault if she gets upset since she made the orders and you didn’t want to start an argument. I bet cousin would understand

    Post # 4
    4760 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    really why would anyone be upset over this.  This is just so silly.  Sorry these two are trying to compete to stand next to you, seems incredibly childish.  I agree with 

    @MrsTywinLannister:  seems like that would keep the peace the most.

    Post # 5
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

    I voted for the SIL as she’s actually been helping.

    I would try to remind them both that they are getting upset about where they are going to stand for 20 to 30 for one day of their lives. Something about weddings makes people go crazy and lose perspective. 

    Post # 6
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

    Oh another idea. If they are still upset, why not give them a different dress or slightly upgraded bouquets so people will know they are both MOHs. That way where they stand really matters less. Haha, anything to keep the peace. 

    Post # 7
    10899 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @Princessbubblegum:  I had two matrons of honor, both of whom are my best friends — one I had known since seventh grade (i.e. for more than 30 years) and who had lived in another state far from me for more than 20 years, and one I had known for more than 20 years and who lived near me and who helped me the most with my wedding details.

    Both of these women are like sisters to me, and both were very glad that I chose them to be my honor attendants.  The one I had known the longest stood next to me on my wedding day and gave the toast at my wedding.  Thankfully, the other had absolutely no issues with this and was more than happy not to have to speak in public. 

    Your situation is more difficult, because it sounds as if the one you’ve known the longest and to whom you are related is no longer that close to you. I think I can relate to this somewhat, as I actually have another  best friend from my childhood, who grew up with me. We have known each other for more than 40 years. I love her dearly, and we are still good friends. However, due to time and distance (we also lived in different states for decades), and her not being one to keep in touch as often, we were no longer as close as we once were.  I actually did not ask her to be in my wedding party at all, and sometimes I really regret this, because she is very important to me, and no one else has her  specifid place in my life, heart and memories. However, I knew that I could not possibly have three  matrons of honor, and I could not  imagine NOT honoring her if she were in my bridal party. So I chose to have her upstairs in the bridal room with me as I was getting ready, and I included her in some of the pictures that we took with my maids of honor and other close friend. That is what meant the most to her. I really don’t think that she minded not having to wear an expensive, strapless gown; stand up there for more than an hour during my ceremony; and have to be escorted (back down the aisle and during introductions as they came into the reception) by a man she had never met and would never see again in her life.

    I think the best you can do is to figure out what you really want to do — in your own  heart, and then figure out ways to make each  of these women feel special and important on your big day.

    I wish you the best!

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