Post # 1
So I’ve gotten myself into a little dilemma. I have two maid of honors. For some reason I thought that was a good idea. One is my cousin who is basically like my sister. Of course since she’s been like the sister I’ve never had, I’ve always promised that she’d be my maid of honor. Well the second maid of honor is my soon to be sister in law. She’s organizing everything and helping me do things a maid of honor should do. We’re pretty close so since she’s doing everything a maid of honor should do, I figured I’d give her the title, too. My cousin, on the other hand, hasn’t done one thing to help. She ditches our plans that we’ve had for weeks to go to her boyfriend’s house. So who should stand beside me during the wedding? My sister in law was under the impression that she’d be the one since she’s helping the most. My cousin thinks that she should be the one beside me since we grew up together and she’s like my sister. My mother in law keeps writing lists saying that my sister in law will be beside me and I haven’t told anyone where they’d be standing yet. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I need some unbiased opinions on who should stand where!
Post # 3
Honestly, I’d have the SIL beside you and tell the cousin it was future mother-in-laws fault if she gets upset since she made the orders and you didn’t want to start an argument. I bet cousin would understand
Post # 4
really why would anyone be upset over this. This is just so silly. Sorry these two are trying to compete to stand next to you, seems incredibly childish. I agree with
@MrsTywinLannister: seems like that would keep the peace the most.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
I voted for the SIL as she’s actually been helping.
I would try to remind them both that they are getting upset about where they are going to stand for 20 to 30 for one day of their lives. Something about weddings makes people go crazy and lose perspective.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
Oh another idea. If they are still upset, why not give them a different dress or slightly upgraded bouquets so people will know they are both MOHs. That way where they stand really matters less. Haha, anything to keep the peace.
Post # 7
@Princessbubblegum: I had two matrons of honor, both of whom are my best friends — one I had known since seventh grade (i.e. for more than 30 years) and who had lived in another state far from me for more than 20 years, and one I had known for more than 20 years and who lived near me and who helped me the most with my wedding details.
Both of these women are like sisters to me, and both were very glad that I chose them to be my honor attendants. The one I had known the longest stood next to me on my wedding day and gave the toast at my wedding. Thankfully, the other had absolutely no issues with this and was more than happy not to have to speak in public.
Your situation is more difficult, because it sounds as if the one you’ve known the longest and to whom you are related is no longer that close to you. I think I can relate to this somewhat, as I actually have another best friend from my childhood, who grew up with me. We have known each other for more than 40 years. I love her dearly, and we are still good friends. However, due to time and distance (we also lived in different states for decades), and her not being one to keep in touch as often, we were no longer as close as we once were. I actually did not ask her to be in my wedding party at all, and sometimes I really regret this, because she is very important to me, and no one else has her specifid place in my life, heart and memories. However, I knew that I could not possibly have three matrons of honor, and I could not imagine NOT honoring her if she were in my bridal party. So I chose to have her upstairs in the bridal room with me as I was getting ready, and I included her in some of the pictures that we took with my maids of honor and other close friend. That is what meant the most to her. I really don’t think that she minded not having to wear an expensive, strapless gown; stand up there for more than an hour during my ceremony; and have to be escorted (back down the aisle and during introductions as they came into the reception) by a man she had never met and would never see again in her life.
I think the best you can do is to figure out what you really want to do — in your own heart, and then figure out ways to make each of these women feel special and important on your big day.
I wish you the best!
Post # 8
@Brielle: So glad you understand the situation! Thank you!