Post # 1
Hi ladies —
I started lurking when my friend got engaged, and I’ve fallen in love with the community. Now I’m in a bit of a bind, but turning to you, since she’s not on here.
I’m slated to be Maid/Matron of Honor in her summer wedding in Europe. Unfortunately I just got into a super competitive program (in North America) which requires me to be in town for 6 specific weekends over the course of four months, one of which is, you guessed it, the weekend of her wedding.
HOW do I break this to her, and more importantly, how do I ease the shock/hurt on her part? I’ve been there every step of the way so far, and I hate to let her down this way, but this program could open HUGE doors for me.
By The Way: Historically, this weekend has never been an issue, but some dates were changed due to external reasons. I just got the dates a few days ago, and I’ll be seeing her within the next few days, so any advice on how to break it to her would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
@MsAGD: Well that’s pretty disappointing! Sorry for the bad timing. If I were in her shoes, I would totally understand (althought that might just be me, I’m pretty laid back). Sure it would suck, but its for the right reasons. Maybe if you reassure her that you still want to be involved in and help her with the planning process she would feel less overwhelmed as well as comforted knowing you’ll still be there to support her as best you can?
Post # 4
awww i had a bm back out for financial and personal reasons…. i think you just need to be truthful with her and tell her what is going on… and let her know you still love and care about her and want to help her if you can…. but you just cant be there the day of. 🙂 good luck!
Post # 5
Just explain the situation and your disappointed.
Obviously she is a good friend to make you her Maid/Matron of Honor and so she will definitely understand. She will be upset but if you are upset too it will lessen the blow!
Post # 6
Make sure you announce it on FB first!!
Post # 7
So sorry to hear about your situation. I would just be honest and explain to her that this is extremely upsetting to you too. I would think that she would be understanding, since you’re one of her best friends (as she knows your hopes and dreams). Best wishes!
Post # 8
Have the conversation with her IN PERSON if possible, or at the very least on the phone. I had a bm back out by email and it was terribly hurtful that she couldn’t come to me and talk about it, but chose to email me instead…
Be honest with her. Don’t make excuses, stick to the facts.
Post # 9
The situation will be difficult and hurtful for both, but it sounds like you have an amazing opportunity and I’m sure that she’ll see through the disappointment of not having you there and realise that you have to go for it!
Just remind her that it’ll be sad for you too to be at the program while you know that she’s getting married, but that you need to take this opportunity…
Post # 10
@7SEVENJ9: I had a bm back out on me via Facebook message! I was her Maid of Honor 3 years ago when I was 8 1/2mo pregnant and we have been VERY close since college – she now lives in NC and I’m in Illinois; but she facebooked me to tell me she couldnt be in our wedding bc she really likes being a stay at home mom & doesnt wanna work so she cant afford to do it!
Definetly at least call her! Im sure she will understand that this isnt a random reason your dropping otu but its something huge for you! : )
Post # 11
You do know that I was kidding right?
Post # 12
@KoiKove: HA! I was about to write – OMG – dont put that on FB!!!!
@MsAGD: First, Congratulations on getting in your program! Second, I would sit down with your friend and tell her you have some news. Let her know you made it in the program and then tell her, this is really exciting for me, but I am so upset because…… then tell her about the weekend thing. If you can, I would tell her that you would still love to throw her bachelorette party or be involved in some way. SHe might be disoppointed, who wouldn’t? I am sure she will understand though.
Post # 13
@KoiKove: LOL @ Facebook. Well…you know that’s the way to break any news!
Post # 14
@CantWaittillMAY: and @RayRayFurious: I wanted her to post it on FB (and I mean *post it* not message or IM) so her friend, the bride, would post something here about how horrible her Maid/Matron of Honor is. And we could commiserate with her! BWhahahaha
Post # 15
It depends if you want to maintain your friendship or not. If you do, I would first go to your program coordinator and ask if there is a way around this. If not, sit and down speak with her if you are in the same place. I’m sure she’ll be happy for you. Life goes on; things change. Did your relationship start to fade as she become more involved with the fiancee? Is this a natural progression of your friendship do you think? Did she know about this program?
Are there make up sessions? Can you defer your acceptance?
You can always still do all the Maid/Matron of Honor planning by internet and be involved that way. There is really no way for you take a red eye RT so you can be there?