Need to be sexually approached to feel sexy/loved.

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@princesslettuce14:  The wanting it every day aside I totaly am the same way.  Sometimes I purposely don’t make a move then after a few days roll over totally annoyed and ask DH if we’re ever going to have sex again.  …Then still end up making the first move anyway *le sigh*

Post # 4
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@princesslettuce14: I don’t mean to sound so…rude but you might need to speak to someone professionally about your own insecurities instead of needing sex to make you feel loved.

 

Have you ever thought that he didn’t feel sexy and didn’t want to have sex? 

Post # 5
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I know exactly how you feel. I’m commenting to follow because I would appreciate advice on this very subject.

Post # 8
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

@princesslettuce14:  Why it didn’t “occur” to him? Maybe because you were at the movies, grilling, reading…you two were busy doing adult things around the house. I think every person just stops grilling burgers because it suddenly occurs to them that they need to have sex in the middle of the day.  

Post # 9
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@princesslettuce14:  I think you’re shifting the blame. The issue isn’t with him or why he didn’t initiate sex, it’s with the fact that there is something within you that is innately unhappy and needs sexual contact to verify your self worth. 

 

 

 

Again, maybe he didn’t want to have sex (yes, he did it but I would bet he is aware of your insecurities so he might have completed the act to pacify you). There are plenty of times I want to have sex and my mate doesn’t a vise versa that have nothing to do with the other person. Sometimes I have so much going on in my head that I literally can’t even begin to think about sex. 

 

Post # 11
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

@princesslettuce14:  communicate with you man – tell him about initiating it instead of telling us.  That might help the situation a little better than we can.  

Post # 12
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@princesslettuce14:   At least you’re aware this is an issue about your self-esteem and NOT a reflection on him or how much he loves and desires you.  Everyone has a different sex drive and there isn’t one way that’s right or wrong, just different.

My guess is you probably have some “daddy issues,” correct?  Not judging here, hey, I’ve been through my share of daddy issues and then some.  When a father doesn’t supply his daughter with enough healthy doses of parental love in childhood it sometimes can lead to the girl equating her sexual desirability with how much she’s loved by the man in her life.  (Bear with me here). 

Because at a young age she learns that’s the way to get other male attention – by being sexual.  It can set up a lifetime of confusion if you don’t get a grip.  If my guess is right, you do need to get a grip.

Your FI does love you and desire you.  If he wants to have sex with you every other day instead of as often as you want to, then back off a little.  If you LET him make the first move, even if it’s not as much as you’d ideally like it to be, then you’ll have what you want – proof of his desire and love for you.

Simple answer to a not-so simple dilemma.  But try it.  And realize how sexy and beautiful you are has nothing to with how much you’re loved.  You are loved.  You know that, deep down.  Learn to love yourself, too.

Post # 14
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would ask him to initiate more.  It needs to go both ways, not always one person initiating. 

 

Post # 15
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@princesslettuce14:  We used to be that way…. you would be terrified if I tell you how long we go now LOL

Post # 16
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

You were impatient because…because he didn’t make a move to have sex with you on Sunday when you had sex two days earlier?  

I mean I don’t claim to know anything about other people’s sex lives and I admit mine is lower than average but the fact that it bothered you sounds…a little demanding?  You don’t want him to start feeling like he has to have sex every other day even if he goes a few days without being in the mood do you?  Sex drives go up and down, as we get older, as we’ve been in relationships longer, even week to week depending on how busy stressed or just plain in the mood we are.  It’s normal.  

My advice is if you want him to be the aggressor, then just don’t do anything until he’s in the mood to demonstrate some aggression!  If he’s really an every other day guy trust me it won’t take long (and if you’re not doing the initating, logic dictates he will have to!)!  

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