Post # 1
its 11th december and 25 days to go, every heart beat says no, dont do it.
i met my fiance when i was 16, i am 25 now, all through out our relationship we have seen major ups and downs, we pracitcally dated only for 3 -4 years and kept coming back to each other seeing the comfort and knowing it feels at home, i went through a vulnerable stage where he tried to be there for me and at the same time my parents pushed me to get married, i said ok why not. we got engaged a year and a half back, but since then i have been taken for granted, i have been pushed so far to fall out of love. i told him about it and every time the answer would be we’ll work it out. this happened in jan, i left for another city to work, and things between us got worse. but it didnt matter to him if we spoke on the phone or no, he didnt even realize things were bad. i couldnt take it anymore in the month of march i came back to meet my parents, i told my mom the entire story, but she told me thier story at home, my dad has gone bankrupt so much so that we had to put our house up on sale and shift, we dont have money to survive, in all this my fiance tried to be a bigger person and decided to buy my house and help my family. now everyone in our society and family sees him as a bigger person. but no one sees the way he treats me. my parents dont want to accept the fact that he isnt the one for me and they are forcing me to get married to him cause they are already going through financial downfall and feel that they have lost all respect in the society and now if i cal lof the wedding they wont be able to face the world… somewhere in all this i am trying to be a good daughter and i told them fine ill do it.. and i also spoke to my fiance that a lot has to be worked out between us…. but again i have been taken granted by him and i simply cant tolerate his behaviour… i am aching, i dont want to marry this man. but i dont even have the guts to tell my parents as they will be shattered, as if now my marriage is the only thing that is giving them some hope to live. i dont know what to do. i will have to face his family, i wil have to face my family, and the society, i feel too lonely… as my mom has decided not to support me but tell me to adjust with the man. i cant do that i simply cant. the venue is booked, invitations are sent, shopping is done, honeymoon is booked, and in all this i am failing to gather all my guts to talk to everyone and face them all.
everyone out there please help me.
Post # 3
You need to do what makes you happy. Your parents will learn to support your descision. I know it’s difficult but you can’t live your life with this man if he doesn’t make you happy.
Post # 4
Wow this must be so difficult for you, I wish I had better advice. You just have to be strong and KNOW that you are making the right decision by not marrying this man. It would be even worse and messier if you married him and then got a divorce. It is not too late to get out, everyone will survive and go on with their lives….especially you!!
Post # 5
This is a very difficult situation…. I am not sure what your cultural background is like, but I do know that for some cultures situations like this are very normal… that being said I am sure it doesn’t make you feel any better.
In the end you have to do what you think is best. Do you believe that you actually CAN work things out with your FI? Would he be willing to go to a couples counselor with you?
I am sorry you are in this situation, there is no easy way. 🙁 Hugs
Post # 6
DO NOT MARRY HIM. You are being pushed along by a moving freight train being propelled by not only your FI but also your parents. You need to stop the train, and immediately.
This is your LIFE we’re talking about. As an adult, you may owe your parents respect, but not obedience, and you should never allow anyone else to make such a life-changing, permanent decision for you. Do. Not. Go. Through. With. This. Wedding. Don’t do it.
You need to confront your FI and your parents and tell them that the wedding is not going to happen.
Do you have any close friends or family members who would be supportive of your position whom you could ask to help you with going about canceling all the arrangements?
Post # 7
How awful. I think that if you feel so strongly that you don’t want to marry him, you definitely should call off the wedding and break up with him no matter what your parents think. Do you support yourself? In that case you personally will be (financially) fine, and have more freedom in this situation. If you are financially dependent on either your FI or your parents, you will have to become independent of them or go to live with a relative before you can make a clean break. Whichever it is, call off the wedding and deal with practical considerations after the fact, because you should not have to marry someone who makes you miserable.
Is there any way your parents can live without your FI’s support? Please excuse the suggestion, but can they go on welfare? Food stamps? Something of that kind to help them get by? It is completely wrong of them to expect you to marry someone who treats you badly (abuses you? Can’t really tell from what you said) so they can live off his money.
Leave your FI. Your parents are adults and they should be able to survive on their own. And if they are horrible to you for leaving him, stay far away from them for a while, because they are most certainly in the wrong for trying to force you to marry someone who treats you poorly for their own financial gain.
Post # 8
You’re 25. You’re an adult. It’s actually very simple – just don’t marry him. I’m not saying the stress and drama in regards to your family will just vanish but you don’t have to marry someone if it’s not right for you, regardless of whether or not invites are sent. Period. Seriously.