- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
I’m new to weddingbee and I am already having an issue. I asked my closest friends to be BM’s about a month ago and have already had one step down on her own and had to “in so many words” ask another to step down(two for this one actually, as her daughter was a junior). This is my second marriage, but my first was just a court house thing. Well, to start I asked my future sis in law to be my Maid/Matron of Honor as we have become very close over the last four years that her borther and I have been together. I then asked my best friend of 22 years to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man as well as her daughter. I asked her because I almost felt obligated because of the long friendship. We were having the BM’s and wedding gown custom made by a local seamstress and had gotten together with all my BM’s and had set a date for this past saturday to go get measurements and picking out dress designs that would compliment everyone’s body type. Well Thursday night she posted on facebook that she was going out of town for the weekend, just her and the hubby. I let it go and confronted her about it Friday afternoon and asked her what was going on. She said that they never have any time for this as they have 4 kids, and it was a last minute thing, she was sorry and would have to make it at a later time that was convenient to her. I pretty much made the comment, “that is I couldn’t depend on her for this, could I depend on her for the actual wedding day?” She got angry and said some pretty harsh things, including that I was selfish, self centered, and she felt she had to walk on eggshells around me because if she doesn’t do what I want her to do then I get angry. I am not sure what she was getting at with all of those things,because I do not think I am selfish, selfcentered or high strung. Those things really hurt my feelings and I told her it would be better off if she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man. So now she has gone and posted things on her facebook like, “I wish people would grow up and that she is taking out the trash because she doesn’t have time for people like myself”.
I think the problem here is from the get go she was envious of me, meaning from the time we graduated high school. I say this because after HS I went to college in Orlando, during this time when I came home to visit once a month we would make plans and then she’d back out. While I was in college she had two kids. After college, I moved back home and started my career on an air force base, she stayed at home with her 2 kids and hasn’t had a job since 2000. She started coming around more when I had my kids, and I never noticed it but she came around more times than not to borrow money. I always helped her anytime she needed it, until this last christmas. She wanted to buy her kids the new nintendo DSi thing and I told her that at the time I was unable to help her. I didn’t hear from her until announcing my engagement at the end of February. She became all excited, until I announced my Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s. She felt she should have been my Maid/Matron of Honor because I had known her the longest. But I stood by my decisions and tried to make her feel important.
So now I’m feeling like crap because not only did I loose my old friend, but it seems like she is going around to our mutual friends talking crap about me. I have found two other friends to replace her and her daughter, and they showed up on Saturday, but I know my party could tell I was bummed about this. They made me feel better, but after our outting that day I started feeling bummed again. Everyone including my Fiance has tried to tell me that I am being the better person and I tried to make things right, but nothing is working.