Need to get this off my chest- MARRIAGE

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@SX2013:  why are you living with your MIL and family, especially if you are financially comfortable? Maybe you’re struggling with a lack of space, privacy and some alone time with your husband, and this is causing your to be unhappy and upset. Have you considered getting your own place with him?

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@SX2013:  maybe he isnt the one for you? maybe your not the type of person who marriage works for there is nothing wrong with not wanting to settle down those things you stated will make some people happy but if its not what you want it wont someone can have a huge love for kids and if they have them then it will make them happy but if another person hates kids and has kids its not going to make them happy just because were brought up to think those things are supposedd to make us happy doesnt mean it will!

 

i would do a lot of internal reflecting to see what the real problem is and address it maybe you need a different path in life

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Why are you living with so many people when you can obviously afford to live on your own?  Is it the cultural norm for his family?  If not, then moving out of there and into a place of your own will likely help out a lot.  If it’s a cultural thing, maybe trying to get a bigger family home so you can have a little personal space of your own in the house?

Post # 6
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Personally, living with 13 other people would drive me insane too, especially early on in my marriage. I obviously don’t know your situation, but since you seem to be financially stable, is it possible to get your own place to see if just being a couple by yourselves makes things better?

Post # 7
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@SX2013:  I agree with the PP about needing your own space. youhave a seemingly wonderful husband, that is not enough to make you happy. you have to be happy with yourself first. we cant tell ourselves how to feel. to outside eyes it may look like you have soo much, but deep down you are feeling at odds and thats fine. its a good thing you are admitting this and not holding it in. 

it sounds like you are overwhelmed and dont have anything that is yours which would drive anyone crazy. perhaps consider finding something for yourself outside of your kids/marriage like a hobby such as yoga, pottery (idk what you are into) or going out w friends for a drink etc. every once in a while.

Post # 8
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think the stress of living with your MIL is probably weighing on you, if you have money saved up, why aren’t you moved out with your husband and child? It seems you are just in a rut. You have to understand that we aren’t all going to stay “21” forever and have the same lifestyle we did, party and not care about the responsibilites. If thats what you truely wanted you shoudn’t of considered marriage or a child for that matter. You should feel blessed with all you have and that you have a loving family around you.

Post # 9
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You need to move out of your MIL’s house ASAP!  I could never live with that many people.  You and your DH should get a place of your own, and you should seek therapy in order to figure out what will make you happy.  Give that a few months, and if things don’t improve then try couples therapy.

Post # 10
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Why do you live with his family?

Post # 11
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d rather live in one of my luxury cars than share space with 13-14 people.

Post # 13
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If I was living with 13 other people, I’d be miserable, too. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Did you not anticipate this when you got married or when you and your husband decided to have kids? What is it that you miss so much about single hood? What are the responsibilities that you have now that you cannot handle? 

 

ETA: Just read your update. Yea, I bet you feeling this way has everything to do with your living situation, along with you still being “young”. I can imagine at 23, it’s hard moving in with your in-laws and living with that many people. Does your husband know how you feel? It’s important to be honest with him about things like this so he knows you’re not happy with the situation you all are in. Hopefully you guys get out of there SOON. 

Post # 15
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@SX2013:  My DH and I used to live with his parents while we were still engaged. We used to fight all the time. We were miserable. We were pretty much confined to one room because his parents were always in the living room which meant we were ALWAYS around each other. As soon as we moved into our own place, the fighting stopped. He helps with chores, helps with supper, is more affectionate, our sex life is great. If you are so financially comfortable, you guys should consider moving out.

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