Need to vent

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10490 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

mishy:  Don’t jump to conclusions just yet.  You don’t know, something major might have come up and you could come off like a huge jerk to her if that’s the case.

Post # 3
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why did you send your invitations in April for an October wedding?  The only reason I can think of is a DW, which may mean your friend can’t afford it.

Anyway, throwing away a ten year friendship because she can’t make your wedding is pretty petty and selfish, if you ask me.  You didn’t ask her reasons, or if she’s okay, or if something is bothering her, or if something major is going on.  You just  assumed she didn’t care about your friendship. 

Post # 4
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, those immediate nos really hurt.  It’s like they’d never, ever consider attending.

My daughter had one who told me she’d try to attend and then RSVPd no, possibly the same day she received the invitations (they were done online). I found out the hard way she had no intention of coming.

Wait until you get the nos with the stupid excuses, too. It happens to everyone. You think it’s the most important day of your life and nobody else seems willing to give you that. Fishing season, or a big game, or, or , or …..

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What do you think she could be jealous about? I agree with AB Bride:  don’t jump the gun just yet. 

Post # 6
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

mishy:  Hop of the crazy train for just a second, and calm down! You are totally jumping to conclusions, or at least didn’t explain a whole lot of the backstory. Why assume she’s got jealousy issues or image issues?

And, as a side note, doesn’t sound like you care much for the “10 year friendship” either. Maybe, just maybe, a phone call to see what’s up might clear up what the real issues are.

I know this is a rant, and I’m glad you didn’t send the letter to her!

Post # 7
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

abbie017:  +1

When I posted a similar vent during my wedding planning Bees pointed out that our guests don’t owe us an explanation.

Post # 8
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you have been friends for ten years I don’t understand why you would just throw the friendship away without calling her and asking. Maybe she is going through something- ih hate it when people just assume others are jealous.

Why are you sending invites in April? Is it a destination wedding?

Post # 9
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

mishy:  Is she “incidently” not your friend anymore because you are choosing to cut her off for RSVPing no? If so, that’s a bit of an overaction. Sure she could have called to notify you, but at this point you don’t know why she can’t make it.

Have you made efforts to reach out to her or call? Perphaps she feels disconnected or hurt too? This could be a miscommunication issue. I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions that she is jealous, as there is nothing you mentioned that would indicate that. 

Another PP mentioned the possibility of you having a destination wedding since you sent out invites really early. Is that true? It could be too expensive if so.

Post # 10
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Wow that’s kind of harsh. After 10 years, why aren’t you being a better friend and calling and asking her why? Maybe there is an underlying issue. You said she is a bigger girl and there are some that are just more self conscience than others in public that may have nothing to do with YOU but everything to do with her. Don’t text or email. Try calling and tell her you got the RSVP but that it made you sad and you just wanted to know why? Don’t ask her is it___? or is it ___? By giving suggestions, but let her speak and tell you why? Maybe it’s unrelated altogether. It definitely warrants a concerned but understanding call either way. Just because she doesn’t want to come does not mean it’s the end of a friendship. Sorry, I wouldn’t do that. 

Post # 11
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

 

mishy:  Wait… did she actually RSVP No? Or return the invite – like “return to sender” on it?  I would interpret “posted the invite back” to mean the latter in which case I would be upset as well and want an explanation. 

If she just RSVP’d No, then she doesn’t owe an explanation.  A “No” RSVP will happen – even from important guests that you really want there. 

Post # 12
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would reach out to her, and express that you’re sad she won’t be there. But then see where the convo goes. Maybe she has a good explanation? Or, maybe you guys have drifted or she’s mad at you for an unknown reason.

Post # 13
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think you’re overreacting by ending the friendship over this, but I do think it’s odd that she said no without letting you know why. If she’s really a close friend, she should tell you. Give it some time and see if she calls/emails/texts whatever. 

Post # 14
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I disagree with saying that guests don’t owe an explanation for RSVPing no. I think it’s common courtesy to let someone know why you can’t make their wedding. If it’s a private reason, fine, but I think they should at least have the courtesy to say “sorry, it’s a family matter and we can’t make it” or whatever. A simple “no” with no explanation would be hurtful, especially from someone you’re close to. 

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