Post # 1
OK i would like to take an opportunity to vent as i feel that i would otherwise send a ‘colourful’ email to this person.
Back when my FI and i got engaged, i already had my set three ladies i wanted as bridesmaids alongside my sister. I asked them all during an engagement party to which they all seemed really excited. A week later i got an email from said friend saying she’d changed her mind as she didn’t feel comfortable being a bridesmain…now i fully appreciate this and i know she has image issues being a bigger lady so i let it go even though i was upset.
Forward five or so months later and a few catch ups with all the girls that seemed fine and i started sending out the invitations. I obviously sent my friend one as she is a very close friend and said that even though she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid she still wanted to come to the wedding.
This afternoon i came home from work to see she had posted her invitation back saying she’s not coming!!
NOT COMING!!! Given that the invitations were sent last week and the wedding is not until October!!! She has not spoken to me for weeks and now has sent my invite back without even calling or emailing to say why.
I was upset but now just really p*ssed at how little she thought of our 10 year friendship and the fact she couldn’t even bare to come to my wedding.
Even if she had jealousy issues and didn’t want to feel alone you’d think she would at least suck it up to be there for a friend.
Incidently she is no longer my friend.
Sorry for the rant but it has saved a very angry letter being sent to her!
Post # 2
mishy: Don’t jump to conclusions just yet. You don’t know, something major might have come up and you could come off like a huge jerk to her if that’s the case.
Post # 3
Why did you send your invitations in April for an October wedding? The only reason I can think of is a DW, which may mean your friend can’t afford it.
Anyway, throwing away a ten year friendship because she can’t make your wedding is pretty petty and selfish, if you ask me. You didn’t ask her reasons, or if she’s okay, or if something is bothering her, or if something major is going on. You just assumed she didn’t care about your friendship.
Post # 4
Yeah, those immediate nos really hurt. It’s like they’d never, ever consider attending.
My daughter had one who told me she’d try to attend and then RSVPd no, possibly the same day she received the invitations (they were done online). I found out the hard way she had no intention of coming.
Wait until you get the nos with the stupid excuses, too. It happens to everyone. You think it’s the most important day of your life and nobody else seems willing to give you that. Fishing season, or a big game, or, or , or …..
Post # 5
What do you think she could be jealous about? I agree with AB Bride: don’t jump the gun just yet.
Post # 6
mishy: Hop of the crazy train for just a second, and calm down! You are totally jumping to conclusions, or at least didn’t explain a whole lot of the backstory. Why assume she’s got jealousy issues or image issues?
And, as a side note, doesn’t sound like you care much for the “10 year friendship” either. Maybe, just maybe, a phone call to see what’s up might clear up what the real issues are.
I know this is a rant, and I’m glad you didn’t send the letter to her!
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
When I posted a similar vent during my wedding planning Bees pointed out that our guests don’t owe us an explanation.
Post # 8
If you have been friends for ten years I don’t understand why you would just throw the friendship away without calling her and asking. Maybe she is going through something- ih hate it when people just assume others are jealous.
Why are you sending invites in April? Is it a destination wedding?
Post # 9
mishy: Is she “incidently” not your friend anymore because you are choosing to cut her off for RSVPing no? If so, that’s a bit of an overaction. Sure she could have called to notify you, but at this point you don’t know why she can’t make it.
Have you made efforts to reach out to her or call? Perphaps she feels disconnected or hurt too? This could be a miscommunication issue. I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions that she is jealous, as there is nothing you mentioned that would indicate that.
Another PP mentioned the possibility of you having a destination wedding since you sent out invites really early. Is that true? It could be too expensive if so.
Post # 10
Wow that’s kind of harsh. After 10 years, why aren’t you being a better friend and calling and asking her why? Maybe there is an underlying issue. You said she is a bigger girl and there are some that are just more self conscience than others in public that may have nothing to do with YOU but everything to do with her. Don’t text or email. Try calling and tell her you got the RSVP but that it made you sad and you just wanted to know why? Don’t ask her is it___? or is it ___? By giving suggestions, but let her speak and tell you why? Maybe it’s unrelated altogether. It definitely warrants a concerned but understanding call either way. Just because she doesn’t want to come does not mean it’s the end of a friendship. Sorry, I wouldn’t do that.
Post # 11
mishy: Wait… did she actually RSVP No? Or return the invite – like “return to sender” on it? I would interpret “posted the invite back” to mean the latter in which case I would be upset as well and want an explanation.
If she just RSVP’d No, then she doesn’t owe an explanation. A “No” RSVP will happen – even from important guests that you really want there.
Post # 12
I would reach out to her, and express that you’re sad she won’t be there. But then see where the convo goes. Maybe she has a good explanation? Or, maybe you guys have drifted or she’s mad at you for an unknown reason.
Post # 13
I think you’re overreacting by ending the friendship over this, but I do think it’s odd that she said no without letting you know why. If she’s really a close friend, she should tell you. Give it some time and see if she calls/emails/texts whatever.
Post # 14
I disagree with saying that guests don’t owe an explanation for RSVPing no. I think it’s common courtesy to let someone know why you can’t make their wedding. If it’s a private reason, fine, but I think they should at least have the courtesy to say “sorry, it’s a family matter and we can’t make it” or whatever. A simple “no” with no explanation would be hurtful, especially from someone you’re close to.