Post # 1
So my mother is helping us out with the wedding…thank you I appreciate it.
I do not appreciate being told that I have to have a frozen drink machine there because she wants it. I do not appreciate being told that I cannot put alcohol in it so bottles of alcohol can be sitting on the table next to it. I do not appreciate having to give up my signature drinks and getting kegs of beer instead to keep the peace. (ie no frozen drink machine) I do not appreciate having to make so many changes to appease her because “I am paying for it and it does not come out of your budget”.
Sorry to rant but I am in tears (pregnant so overly emotional) because every time I turn around she is making changes to things that were set in stone long before she got involved in this process. I know that when you accept money from someone you have to accept that things will change. But this went from being my wedding to her wedding and she thinks I am being a bridezilla because I want my wedding to reflect me and not her.
Post # 3
I would sit her down and ask her why she is trying to make your wedding about her and not you. Any way that you can do it without her input? Maybe then you can tell her if she doesn’t stop acting this way, then she can take her money and stick it you know where and you no longer need her input!!
Post # 4
The sad thing is it is not being done out of nastiness for the most part. It is to make my day better as she keeps telling me. It only turns nasty when we start arguing over her vision of better and my idea of better.
Post # 5
I think there are times that you have to pick your battles and some days that it isnt worth it. Take each planning day.. Day to day. frozen drink machine.. umm.. YES.. Bottles on the table no. People have a better chance of walking out with them. The best thing to do is sit her down.. and tell her that your appreciate everything she is doing.. but it isnt how you imagined your Big day. If nothing else.. if you have siblings.. let them tell her. It always seems to come nicer from my sister or my aunt then I could be about it. I tend to be rather blunt about EVERYTHING!
Post # 6
@StormyRose: Does she listen to your FI better than you? If so, get HIM to talk to her. If nothing else, use your pregnancy to your advantage 😉
As in… have FI go up to your mom and say that her behavior is making you unhappy and upset and that’s not good for the grandchild and would she PLEASE let YOU have it the way you want? (or something like that 😉 )
Sorry you’ve gotta deal with this. 🙁 Lots of hugs!!!!!
Post # 7
If she wants to give money to YOUR wedding she should realize that it is YOUR wedding.
Look at it this way, are you willing to give up some of the money she is giving you to have things the way you want them? Because it sounds like the “help” she is giving you comes at a hefty price.
Post # 8
@FutureMrs.Morgan: I usually just give in to what she deems best because it is not too far from my ideas. The only things I have put my foot down about are the flowers (theme of the wedding) and centerpieces. I am the only child so there is no possibility that I could have a sibling go to her and why she is so involved in my wedding. As for my aunt she is on a daily basis discussing the wedding.
@Zinzerena: She does listen to him but in the same breathe she has my aunt and grandmother and the three of them decide what should be done. So we are outnumbered…lol. As for the pregnancy this has been a difficult one and there have been quite a few hospital visits already so they are aware that I need to keep my stress levels down.
@MissComicBook: My wedding has completely changed since she got involved and it changes on a daily basis. Most of the money that she is adding is for things like food and decorations. It is these extra things she keeps trying to throw in that cause problems. This started out as an outdoor potluck with us making most of the food. Now add a few thousand and it is indoors and she is trying to “fancy it up” lol.
Thank you all for the advice. I try to take it day by day and just deal with each crisis as it comes. 🙂
Post # 9
Reading your post just makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof! This is the same thing I was afraid of. If you want to give us money because you want to help us see our dreams come true – then Thank You! If you want to tell me what to do with your money – you can keep it!
Here’s the thing – most people who give money think that they should have a say in where it goes. That being said, can you still have a wedding without her money? If so – tell your mom, politely, that you’ve changed your mind, you don’t need her to help pay for it, and then have the wedding of YOUR dreams.
If you can’t have the wedding you want without her money, then do your best to make her feel like her ideas and opinions are valued, and in the end get what YOU want. Just make sure you’re in charge of ordering things, and take your FI with you instead of your mom. Then, when the day gets here – she’s going to be so involved in how beautiful you are, she won’t cause a scene over HER ideas not being represented.
I hope all of this helps. I hate it when brides have to go through this.