Post # 1
We were visiting Ellie’s family this weekend, and her brother & his wife announced that they are 5 weeks pregnant (let’s not even talk about them announcing so early). This means that she will be 7 months when our September wedding rolls around, and they live 6+ hours from us. She’s not the most healthy person in the world, and we’ve known quite a few women that have been told to stay within an hour or two of home maximum when they’ve hit the 7-moth mark.
We’ve had our date picked for over a year now. Ellie had asked her brother & SiL to not try until March because she didn’t want anything to prevent them from coming to our wedding–she’s from a VERY close family and the fact that someone might be missing is devastating to her.
Was it a little selfish to ask them to wait? Sure, but I just fel so angry that they seemingly haven’t taken anyone else into consideration and tehy are likely not going to be able to share this day wit us. Am I being completely unreasonable?
Post # 3
Do you know that they got pregnant on purpose? It’s possible they got pregnant by accident, even if they were planning to start trying soon. I COMPLETELY understand why you’re upset, and I probably would be too. From an outsider’s perspective, though, I think you just need to let it go. Being angry and upset won’t change the fact that they’re pregnant and they may not be able to make it to the wedding… it’ll just make you more stressed out!
Post # 4
No, tehy told us they wanted to start trying when we were last down there in December. That’s when Ellie asked them to wait.
Thanks for the support; it makes me feel better that I’m not being COMPLETELY irrational. I know that as time goes by (they only announced on Saturday) I’ll get better, but I was feeling like I was just being angry & selfish with NO justification.
Post # 5
Yes, i think you are being unreasonable. I imagine you chose the location of your wedding, knowing that it would be 6 hours away from them. You also seem to have known that they would most likely be trynig to conceive before the wedding (i guess this by the fact that Ellie asked them not to). Therefore you made your own choices (btw i think you have every right to have your wedding anywhere you want, i’m just trying to show from another perspective) and they have made theirs.
I really think you should try and be happy for them, a baby is after all just as wonderful and important event as a wedding. theres no guarentees they will even miss anything!
Post # 6
So…I’m going to give you the other side of this. It took my Darling Husband and I 18 months to get pregnant. 18 MONTHS. That’s a full year and a half. I’m due within 3 days of one of my best friend’s weddings. And you know what, she’s ok with that…b/c it’s not like we were trying to get pregnant so that we couldn’t go to her wedding. She knew that we had been trying for ages…and thank God it finally happened to us.
I think you need to cut Ellie’s brother and SIL a break. What if they started trying not anticipating getting pregnant right away? People can’t put their life on hold b/c you’re getting married, and I think it’s a really selfish thing to ask someone to do. It would be like them asking you to move up your wedding b/c they got pregnant. Life doesn’t just stop, and I don’t think you can expect it to. If we put our trying on hold to time our pregnancy just right, we would probably never get pregnant. I think you need to look at the whole picture and be happy that you’ll have a little niece or nephew running around soon. B/c that’s exciting. I’m sure they’ll do everything they can to make it to your wedding.
Post # 7
COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE! You can’t expect people not to create a family, or delay creating a family because you want them to be at your wedding. They are creating a human life that will hopefully be around for many years to come. This is my one pet peeve, a bride who thinks everyone else’s life should be put on hold until after their 8 hour party, give me a break. Sorry if it’s harsh but I really do feel it’s the truth!
Post # 8
Ya they can’t wait, you never know how long it can take someone… my sister tried for almost 2 years before becoming pregnant. It will be upsetting if they can’t make it but I don’t think its the end of the world, you can do a video or even live skype so they can see it. My Girlfriend is in my wedding party and wants to start trying and says she is going to wait longer so she is not pregnant for my December wedding, I keep telling her to start trying. To wait to start your family for someone else’s wedding is just crazy IMO, it could take months (hell, years!) to get pregnant – you never know, so I try to explain that her. I personally don’t see myself factoring in much other than if my husband and I are ready when we start TTC.
Post # 9
You cant ask someone to hold off having a baby for a wedding. Thats just bizarre to even consider it.
Post # 10
I’m going to go with unreasonable and irrational. I can sympathize with being a little disappointed that it worked out this way, but going so far as to ask another couple to avoid trying to have a baby just for your one day, that’s too much.
I realize the day is important to you, but you’re talking about a baby here. I don’t believe that the world revolves around people’s children, either. But that doesn’t mean that you ask them to just put off having them until you have your party.
Post # 11
In my opinion a child trumps a wedding. I would never ask someone to put my wedding ahead of their family planning, and I would never hold back from trying for a baby for a wedding…even if it was family. I personally have fertility issues, so I may be a bit more of a stick in the mud on this subject.
Post # 12
The short answer is yes you were.