(Closed) Need to vent a bit and could use some advice

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9920 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sucks to be the older sister when your younger brother gets married and has kids.  My brother got married when he was 19…which was 10 years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG ten years wow.  My initial reaction was WTF.  Then they proceeded to have three children…and my reaction was WTF.  Now, however, I love my nieces and sister-in-law, and I realize that my initial reactions were valid but childish.  Your brother is happy — try to be happy for him. Your parents will still give you attention for your wedding.  TRUST me!

Post # 4
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Remember that this wasn’t planned, so try not to take your emotions out on your brother. I totally see why you are feeling this way, though. Just think that life is not a competition between you and him, and you will both have special moments in your lives. Your wedding first of all!

Post # 5
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsHotPink:  I can see why you’d feel that way, even a little. My brother has always been the centre of our family too, which hasn’t always been easy. Their baby is due shortly before our wedding, and while FH and I are truly, completely over the moon happy about the baby, my brother and his wife really couldn’t care less about our wedding. It bums me out to feel like my own brother doesn’t care, but it is what it is. Some things, and some people, can’t be changed or made to grow up. I constantly wish that the four of us (FH and I, bro and SIL) could share this amazing year together, with all the good stuff that’s going on, but it’s simply not the way it’s going to be. You and your fiance are doing something wonderful in your life, and your brother’s impending fatherhood isn’t going to change that.

Remember – this time isn’t all about you, and it’s not all about them either. There is more than enough love and happiness to go around. If you don’t get it from them, that’s sad, but try not to dwell on it. (I’m trying to take my own advice!)

Post # 6
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hope this doesn’t come across as rude..

 

But you’re getting married a year from now.. Lots of things arE going to happen in that time that will ” take the attention away from you”. Live your life, and be happy for where you are in life. This is an exciting time for you, and someone else getting pregnant shouldn’t affect that. 

 

Your brother and his SO didn’t plan this pregnancy, it just happened. It’s not like he purposely did anything to wrong you. So be happy for him, support him and be excited to become an aunt. Any other feelings will be sensed and may cause a strife in your family.

 

I get that your wedding is a big deal to you, but kids are a bigger deal unfortunately. Weddings are one day, kids are a lifetime. Lots of things are going to happen over the next 9 months (showers, ultrasounds, gender reveals, parties, etc) and nobody is going to be thinking about your wedding during those times. It doesn’t make your wedding any less special, it’s just that those things are happening NOW, and your wedding is still a ways off. 

 

Post # 8
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s natural to feel the way you’re feeling, however you just have to move past it, and be happy for them like they are for you! We all have different timelines in life, and planning major life events is impossible : ) Enjoy the moment you’re at, don’t let jealousy get in the way.

Post # 9
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FortiesFlare:  I have to jump in here and disagree. “Weddings are one day, kids are a lifetime.” No. A wedding is the day that BEGINS the lifetime, and getting married IS as much of a big deal as having children. Kids aren’t more important than the start of a marriage. While the OP’s wedding is coming later, (I get that, and I agree that when the wedding is closer, the focus will likely shift), the idea that kids are just automatically more important than other things drives me crazy. I hear way too much about that these days. Kids are great, but not having them doesn’t make you less important. OP’s wedding is important too, and her brother’s baby isn’t “more important” than the fact that she’s embarking on a huge, lifechanging event as well. Why does it have to be a competition? This is why I’m not friends with too many parents.

Post # 10
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee

The excitement of having a child fades quickly after the baby is born. It won’t get in the way of your wedding. I think you just need to set aside your feelings and be happy for everyone involved and be happy for yourself. 

 

Post # 11
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsHotPink:  i don’t think your brother did this intentionally to piss you off.

i guess what i don’t understand is why there is competition in the family or any underlying sense of it?  that doesn’t make any sense to me.  you are a family and you should be proud and happy for anything your brother does whether he is older or younger.  so his baby timing doesn’t fit into your unrealistic ideals (which lets face it, they are).  i think you should learn to love and appreciate yourself so that you can start to appreciate others.

sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, it’s not meant to, but jealousy is a nasty, toxic characteristic, especially aimed at your own sibling.  it’s really useless.  maybe to help, if you start to feel this way, turn your attention to thinking of the positive things going on in your own life.  good luck, i hope it helps.

Post # 12
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@chercee:  I did not say anything about a marriage, I was talking about  the wedding day. And relax, I didn’t say the wedding wasn’t important. I said the baby is coming first, so that’s more important right now. 

 

Post # 13
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think what you’re feeling is natural- you said it wasn’t planned, so likely it was a huge shock to you!  And I don’t know about you, but unplanned things tend to throw me for a loop, no matter how small or big it is.

Just be happy the baby’s not due on your orignal wedding date. 😉

Also, glad to see another Michigander on here!

Post # 16
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsHotPink:  I think you’re entitled to your jealous moment. That’s human.  I too am an older sibling who is considered second best to my mother and sister so I know where you’re coming from – you wanted, for once, something to be only about YOU and not your brother- I so get that.  Now, it’s not this baby’s fault that it’s being born- and it happens- people get pregnant.  I would take a deep breath, congratulate them, be happy for them (even if it’s just on the outside!), and focus on your awesome new future.  I think your wedding day will still totally be about you and your husband.  How far along will she be around your wedding? Do you think that if you all organized a baby shower a bit before the wedding she could have her “moment” with the family, taking the baby focus out of the day of your wedding?

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