(Closed) Need to vent about anything? Because I do.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Because it was her choice and I respect it!

Exactly! Some people really just don’t get it, and think they’re entitled to an invite.
 
Take a moment to just breathe, have a large glass of wine, and sod them all. If they’ve not spoken to you in years, what does it matter if they’re pissed off? Odds are they wouldn’t have initiated contact anyway if you hadn’t got engaged and they’d seen a chance for a free party. No great loss.

Post # 4
Member
8325 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I make it a rule to never take something that I hear second or third hand as what the original person said. Remember the childhood game of telephone.

It is very easy to interpret disappointment as being rude. Take it as a compliment that so many people care about you enough to be disappointed that they are not invited to your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As my sister said “it’s a wedding and you are going to offend people” This probably won’t help you as it really didn’t help me but you just can’t please everybody.

Post # 6
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I agree, I didn’t realize how hard this would be until the time came.

My situation is the opposite of yours. I wanted a wedding. My FI gets a lot of anxiety around crowds and people and was hoping for a court house with only our parents present. After the engagement I had made a list of a hundred people I wanted to invite. Well, here comes the compromise. We said we’d cap it around forty. Forty people including guests. This is where it gets real tough because most of my friends and family won’t be invited. Only our very closest relatives. I wish I had 125 places! I do keep getting the “why don’t you invite so and so” Especially from my mother who wants me to have my every extended relative and tells me “I’m sure they’ll get you a gift worth the price of their meal” and doesn’t seem to realize that that isn’t the point at all. (I have told her)  I’d love to have everyone, I don’t even wants gifts, but I just can’t. My FI deserves to be happy on this day just as much as I do and it isn’t right to make him so uncomfortable. Although honestly I also could not afford 150 people at $100 a head either, honestly.
Sorry, doesn’t help you at all, I’m just ranting a little myself.

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Regarding the parents going “why don’t you invite so and so?” (or, more often “here’s the list of people who will be invited”): My fiance and I allotted a certain number of seats for parent friends/distant relatives, and told them that was what our seat limit was and kept our real seat limit under wraps until the guest list was finalized.  We got our friends, our parents got theirs, everyone was happy.

My mom often tells me the story of her wedding, where my dad’s mom’s guest “wish list” took up their entire allotment of seats and she had to cut out a good chunk of her guests to appease her.  My mom has been excellent in not trying to take over my wedding planning because of this, but my dad on the other hand… let’s just say he takes after his mother. 

Post # 8
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

How about this?  

FI and I are paying for the wedding 50/50.  The guest list is pretty split down the middle evenly, I’d say, but we finalized the guest list with both parents just to be sure.  Fast forward about a year to now and invitations have gone out at the beginning of January.  RSVP date was Feb 16th.  Two weeks prior to that, FI’s grandmother passed away unfortunately and all of FI’s family came to town for the funeral.  

AT THE FUNERAL, FI’s parents realized there were two very important people they forgot to invite, who were sitting across the table from us at dinner after the Funeral, when FI’s parents told these two people their invitations were “in the mail.”

I nearly died myself, because a) they were not and b) the RSVP deadline was fast approaching and I didn’t know how to explain why they were receiving their invitations so late.  Oh, and I forgot to mention one of the forgotten people is A PRIEST.

Anyway, I mailed their invitations the next day with a note apologizing for it being late and I could just KILL FI’s parents over this one. 

 

Post # 9
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh dear… I think this is also an issue I’m going to have.

But you know what? This is YOUR wedding (even if you don’t really want to have one) 🙂

You can’t please everybody. And who CARES if you’re going to offend those people who you don’t even talk to!?

Just remember this:

“Those who matter – don’t mind. Those who mind – don’t matter.”

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