- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
Basically things were going decently with FMIL until a bombshell dropped.
My fiance just looked up his brother (who’s in prison). Apparently his prison release date was extended an extra 9 months. He called his mother to tell her and he said that she yelled at him, said he shouldn’t have told her because everyone in the family is always telling her bad news (she always blames everyone else), and hung up on him crying. She literally does this every time he tries to help. Thank god he no longer lives with her; she used to barge into his room and follow him around screaming.
I try not to let family stuff affect me too much but sometimes it’s hard to not let it. Once in a while I feel like my fiance lets family (namely his mom and brother) hold us back in our plans. We originally tended to go live abroad for a job and grad school and his mom did a complete 180 on us and was really mean to us on and off over it. My therapist told me that he will have to keep his distance from his mom on his own terms when he wants to. The weird thing is that he has been putting his foot down with her, yet she still finds ways to control him and make him feel like an inadequate person.
Things like this literally happen every few months, and they used to happen every few weeks with her. Something happens, he tries to help fix it, she screams at him and sometimes other people, she calms down and denies responsibility for making everyone else upset and uncomfortable.
She’s made me and my mom cry before on separate occasions (though she would deny that too.) She’s also assaulted people before when they talk smack to her. Every time something like this happens I feel like I’m at a breaking point. I don’t know how he tolerated this stuff his whole life. And now she just called him to tell him to not tell anyone about this new release date. She was the type of mom who screamed at my fiance when he was a kid for opening up to a teacher about how bad his life at home was. The teacher confronted her and she said he was making up lies.
Sometimes I think there’s no reason why any of us should really keep much in contact with her anymore, but most people still do out of pity. When you’re uncomfortable around her and she senses it, she turns the tables on you and starts crying and saying that she isn’t loved. If you call her out on her behavior, she says she should go die…it’s really impossible to deal with sometimes.
I know there will be pressure from her for us to stay around long enough for his brother to see us. I just don’t care. I don’t care about him and I don’t care too much about our families…they don’t seem to have put too much stock into our feelings.
The question in my title is rhetorical. I know FMIL had a rough childhood and a lot of people did her wrong (though some of it was provoked), but fiance and I had rough childhoods ourselves. We’re both trying so hard to not let our pasts be who we are and the negative vibes we get from our families don’t help (I have my own issues with my family, though they’re not as bad.)
I just really hope she doesn’t ruin our wedding planning or our wedding day. The wedding is so important to my fiance and he just wants to be able to have a good time and not be ashamed of his family.