Post # 1
I am going just a little crazy these days. I love my FI more than anything, but really he needs to start helping me plan this wedding! I am about to explode. During the beginning phases of the wedding planning he wanted to help out and be involved in everything. Now that we are 2 months out he could care less. He has no idea what is involved nor does he really want to know. Oh did I mention I am 5 months preggo..what else could I have going on right now!?
The only thought he has in his mind is his bach party and now he wants to go to Vegas. His Best man (his own bro) doesn’t want to do that–smart! and so now my FI isn’t communicating with him. I even had to get the e-mails together of the guys he wants to get together with for the best man. WTF?!?
What can I do to really get him to help me out? I have tried talking to his bro, mother and even him. I have cried, yelled and nothing has helped. I
Post # 3
Guys just don’t get it! FI signed up to play softball three nights a week this summer since there was nothing for him to do. I wouldn’t ask your FI to help, I would give him a task each week or so that you need done. They need to be told what to do and how to do it. Now that we are a week or so away from the wedding FI has finally stepped up to the plate so i feel your pain.
Post # 4
Yep I am with Roxy… they need instruction. “Honey, we need a dj. These are the list that the venue gave us. Call them and get estimates” “Love, I will be looking for flower ideas tonight. Cook dinner”. My FI and I got into a tiff early on because I felt overwhelmed. He said he didn’t want to step on my “vision” as if I really had one. We walked into our home office in front of a white board and I listed all the major things that needed to get done for the wedding and I told him to pick two. He picked music and invites. We talked about what we wanted and I said…”The estimates from musicians need to be done this week… then we will talk about the next task”. What parts of the wedding do you want him to help with? If you say flowers you are just poop out of luck. They don’t care. If you want help with the dj music list you might stand a chance. Explicit direction is what they need. Not to sound rude but that is how most boys think.
Post # 5
men are not into that stuff, to be honest their minds work differently and they do need directions, Its nit that he does not care but the entire wedding shabang is not a guy thing I have come to accept this and when I need something done I tell him what it is and the deadline.
Post # 6
I agree with the previous posters. Guys need direction. So make a list of what you would like him to do and then pick something on that list for him to do or have him pick one. Give him specific instructions and a time that you would like it completed by. Don’t expect him to be perfect; just be happy when he completes it, then tweek it if you need to. That is what I do.
Post # 7
Other than the Vegas trip – what are you most frustrated about his lack of help with? Or is it just a general fog of him not realizing all that needs to happen?
Post # 8
I got lucky, my hubby was willing to help with a lot. I found it easiest to give him stuff that he’s interested in. I knew he didn’t care less about flowers, so I didn’t expect him to help with that. Instead, I gave him things like music and honeymoon, which was more up his alley.
Post # 9
Yup, guys are clueless. They don’t even know the half of what has to be done and the coordination and research it takes. As PPs have stated, he needs a clearly defined list, not a passing blurb of what needs to be done. And tell him by when you want it done or else he’ll think, “well we still have 2 months, I’ll call in a few weeks.” Tell him what and by when you want things done. g’luck!
Post # 10
I hear you. I’m exhausted from doing every DIY and planning everything myself. And to top it off, my FI is hiking the Appalachian Trail up until the wedding (and has been since March), so I can only get a phone call every couple of days let alone get any help!
Post # 11
I like to think of this as marriage training. There are going to be lots of things that we will need help with throughout our marriage. I am guilty of doing too much myself but with my work schedule I can’t keep it up for long. Clear tasking in wedding and in the future “Honey, baby smells. Clean it” 🙂
Post # 12
I just think I am most frustrated with the fact that he just thinks everything will get done. He doesn’t get the fact it will only get done if somone does them.
I am so happy to hear I am not the only one. Boys Boys Boys!
Post # 13
Actually if your FI is only doing something because you tell him to, how will he ever decide to do something on his own. He’ll spend his whole life waiting for you to tell him what to do. Admitedly, I ask my FI to do wedding related stuff because he doesn’t know what needs doing. However, I also realize that most of my to-do list is a product of my choices for the wedding, not what FI wants. If I want to have welcome bags and my FI doesn’t care, then it’s a bit unfair to ask him to make them.
Since you’re pregnant ask your FI to do something “manly” that he knows needs doing, like putting the crib together. Make sure you don’t do stuff for him, like assembling the bachelor party list. You don’t need to spend your time that way – his party, his responsibility.