- 5 years ago
I need to vent, I just cancelled my wedding. This is quite a story so grab your popcorn.
I met my ex-fiance 5.5 years ago and things were amazing, we grew into the best of friends. 2 years into the relationship he proposed and I had no doubts about spending my life with him. We set a date for Fall 2010 but we had to cancel our wedding, not becuase we had issues but outside influences (family involvement and jobs).
I don’t think my ex-fiance ever got over this, infact since then he has developed anxiety and began to doubt marriage and would freak out at the thought of setting a date again. But through all this he insisted he loved me no matter what he would marry me…so I stayed and trusted him.
Fast forward almost 3 years later and we would go through periods where he was ready to set a date and then would back out once we had to start signing contracts and putting down deposits. I still stayed because to be honest I loved him very much and knew a lot of it was his anxiety.
About 6 months ago, I insisted we needed to set a date and he agreed. We are conservative so we decided we wouldn’t live together until we were married. I got excited once again and we agreed on a date for this June. Well we got to the point of signing contracts and submitting deposits with no problems…but ever since then my fiance wants to cancel and this has happened every week for the past few months. He says this in the heat anxiety so I usually give him space to cool down. Like clock-work he takes a day to settle down and comes rushing to me saying he wants to get married. (Please don’t judge me for being foolish) But yes I took him back and trusted his word because I would blame it on his anxiety. A couple weeks ago we were scheduled for a tasting and he freaked out and I had to cancel as he was very firm that he didn’t want to get married. I asked him many times are you sure are you sure and he said yes. So I cancelled the wedding. Hours later he called me and said we shouldn’t have cancelled. Ugggh so frustrating.
I told him he needed to get help for his anxiety and he agreed but he has so much pride he still doesn’t think he has an issue or he will joke about it. So to date he hasn’t got help for his anxiety. We cancelled the wedding and re-booked the same date another venue. Last week he said he didn’t want to get married again.
This has hurt me sooooo much because I have stuck around for him through his lowest points and have given him nothing but unconditonal love, I’m so confused why he keeps cancelling and then wanting to get married it’s making me crazy. I’m beginning to think I am crazy for putting up with this. A girl deserves to know her man wants to marry her and shouldn’t have to question it.
I decided to cancel beause enough is enough, I was waking up not even excited about my wedding day but wondering if he was going to cancel. It’s been so hurtful. I have been the only one putting down money and have lost thousands as a result.
What makes it worse is when he gets his anxiety he is so hurtful, saying he doesn’t want to get married and I have been forcing him andI should stop nagging him about the wedding. But thoughts are, I never set the date without his consent. We are engaged isn’t it natural to want to plan a wedding, I’m not nagging by trying to get plans together am I?
Please don’t judge me, I know I probably should have left a long time ago and I tend to always be the nice guy. But I just continued to trust his word and outside of wedding planning we don’t fight. What makes it even harder is we are such best friends I can’t even stay mad at him about it and I have to admit I’m very sad to be losing my best friend. Maybe one day it will hit me that the relatioship wasn’t good but right now I feel so confused as to why he just continued to stay and want to plan a wedding when he really didn’t.
Thanks for reading my vent.