Post # 1
I’m a regular bee, but I had to come up with an anonymous name because of the story I have to tell. OK so I have a friend, let’s call her S. She has been my friend for almost 10 years, and we have both always dreamed of each others weddings. Anyway, I’m engaged and am planning my wedding next year. I already have the date set. S is not yet engaged, but is hoping that her boyfriend proposes this summer.
She is just ‘sure’ that he is going to do it. Anyway, she keeps asking me what my honeymoon plans are because she wants to set her date even though shes not yet engaged. She is thinking about having her wedding 1 week after mine, which is a holiday weekend. If I take a 2 week honeymoon, which me and my fi are really hoping we can, that would mean missing her wedding. I’ve had the date set for months now, and my fi and I are going to start making honeymoon plans once we figure out what our budget is after we spend on all the necessary wedding stuff. I explained to her my situation and that if she plans her wedding the Saturday after mine, that I can’t guarantee being back on time from my honeymoon. She got all huffy and puffy with me and said that I’m not being FAIR. Now she’s got me thinking am I being insensitive? Even if she has the wedding that 1 week after, we wouldn’t even be able to take a full 7 days because we would have to be back early enough to make it to her wedding. My fi & I haven’t vacationed in years and are really hoping for a nice worry free 2 week honeymoon.
Ugh, so aggravated. She is a dear friend of mine and ruining our relationship over this is just not something on my list of to do’s. Please help!
Post # 3
You are not being overly sensitive. She is being selfish. Make your plans. She is not even engaged yet, and if she really wants you in and/or at your wedding, she will work with your schedule. If she treats you badly because of this, she wasn’t really your friend to begin with.
Post # 4
@noritake22: good advice! She might be paniking since she isnt engaged, and she might be thinking that without a wedding right after yours she will “never” get married. Stick to your plans, she hasn’t made any!
Post # 5
Yes, I second noritake – you are the one who is currently planning a wedding/honeymoon. She can figure out the date of her wedding once she actually gets engaged!
Post # 6
Sometimes, holiday weekend weddings are just easier for guests to attend. So I understand why she might want to schedule her wedding then.
If it does end up happening, could you just leave on your honeymoon the day after her wedding instead of the day after your own?
Post # 7
Ugh, tell her (from someone who is having her wedding on a holiday weekend) that holiday weekends are kind of terrible times to have a wedding. If it’s Memorial Day or 4th of July, people have “family reunions” or “annual picnics” or “camping trips” and you would. not. believe. how many people are just so bound and determined to stick to those “annual plans”. Maybe that will dissuade her from planning her wedding that weekend 🙂
Post # 8
First off, you’re doing nothing wrong! You can’t plan your wedding/honeymoon around another wedding date that hasn’t even been set yet. What if they break up or he doesn’t propose til the end of this year?
I’d tell her that you & your FH are taking a 2 week honeymoon after your wedding. Say when she gets married, you plan on going to their wedding & will be excited & happy to go. But you’ll be on your honeymoon during the 2 weeks after your wedding & that’s the only time you won’t be able to make it.
You only get 1 wedding, 1 honeymoon… she sounds kinda rude for insisting you not take a 2 week honeymoon so you can attend her wedding with a guy she’s not yet engaged to.
Post # 9
She even has her mind set on 1 place to marry and so I’m actually surprised that she hasn’t called them yet to put a deposit for the date she wants! Unless she has and hasn’t told me.
@ BrianneG: I have thought of that but my FI works in Finanace and can only take the last 2 weeks of any month off. We are getting married the 3rd week of a month, and plan to take the 3rd and 4th week off. If we wait till her wedding and then leave afterwards, we can’t take the 2 weeks off together.
I know that a lot of people take their honeymoons months after their wedding but unfortunately our schedules won’t allow that.
I’m also worried that she goes and plans her wedding around me and then if I end up taking only a 1 week honeymoon that I will hear it from her!
But you guys are right, if shes going to flip out on me over this then she isn’t a ‘good’ friend.
Post # 10
you are not being insensitive she is. I am cutting my honeymoon short for my neices sweet 16 and its pissing me off but shes a kid and she has to work with what her father will do (his divorced from my sister) and It will kill me not to be there — but for an adult to do that to her friend is childish and inconsiderate.
Post # 11
Thank you guys, I also have this strange feeling that her future FI is NOT going to pop the question this summer, so maybe this will all just blow over!
Post # 12
OMG your wedding is far away and she can’t pick a day thats not a week after it?! Seriously, shes the one being insensitive and making an issue out of nothing. I mean really? Can’t she pick a different holiday weekend once she actually gets engaged?
Post # 13
eek! That sounds like the movie bride wars! Is she racing to marry just because you are? Sounds like it! No seriously, you are not being insensitive, plan your wedding/honeymoon the way you always planned and if she goes ahead with her wedding date knowing that you won’t make it, then it’s her loss!
Post # 14
Uh, the gal isn’t even engaged yet. Do not plan your honeymoon around someone who may or may not be getting married at that time. Enjoy your honeymoon and hopefully your friend will act more like a mature adult. Her actions remind me of the time I was in kindegarden and the class bully would steal all the cool toys “just incase” she wanted to play with them later. Grrrr…..
Post # 15
Hey everyone, can we lay off the “she isn’t engaged!” stuff? We don’t know anything about her or her relationship. My FI and I had a date set for months before the public proposal, but we mutually agreed to wait to reveal our intention to marry until we had been dating for a certain amount of time and had a ring. I think the assumptions here that she’s dragging her guy to the altar because she’s jealous that her friend is getting married are totally unfounded and rude. It may be true. Or, she may be trying to troubleshoot potential wedding problems now, since she can’t do other types of planning publicly.
OP, I would just stick to your word that you don’t know what your plans are, but I would also let her know as soon as you do decide, since you said you do want to attend her wedding if possible. Don’t change your plans for her, but also try not to get too annoyed with her for asking. Just let it roll off your back. Hopefully her plans aren’t too far along and she will end up changing her mind about this particular weekend, but you aren’t obligated to change anything in your plans to accommodate her.
Post # 16
Since she isn’t engaged yet i would just drop it for now. If she ends up getting engaged and she truely is a clsoe friend I would postpone my honeymoon until after the wedding.
I think she is feeling more left out then anything. She really wants to be engeged and hearing you plan you wedding probably makes her excited to plan hers. I don’t think she is jealous, I rarely agree that that is the case when people suggest that, but it is probably just bringing out a lot of emotions in her.