- 2 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
So, after 8 years, my SO broke up with me, saying things like, “You were never waiting…”. He claimed that HE was the one waiting for me to get my life together. And while I have made significant progress in the evolution of my life, career, and family relationships, apparently it is not going to be enough for me to end up with him….
I was slightly upset a few days ago, when it finally happened. I also have a sortof new guy in my life, but I guess it was a naturally progression after having had to wait for 8 years, and then when I met the new guy.., it seems that he is one that actually REALLY DOES want to be with me, but of course, my mom doesn’t approve of him…
I am old enough to be independent, but have had mental problems/anxieties/depression and just generally a difficult time growing up, not to mention my VERY CONTROLLING and slightly personality-disordered mother (possibly narcissistic), who goes back and forth from verbally and emotionally abusing me, to telling me she is my best friend and that’s why she does/says the things she does, and “can’t I see that” ???????
Anyway, to make a long story short, I’m bummed that I’m not possibly ever getting married, because I can’t seem to figure out what it takes for a guy to want to get married, and in particular to me. Of course, all the issues don’t help, I know, but I am working through it. And tbh, maybe marriage is just *not* for me anyway… I am hardly mature enough it seems when I can easily act so bitter, angry, impatient, facetious, and just blatantly ugly for all the world to see… 🙁
Guess it doesn’t help when your own Dad calls you “trash”, but that’s another story altogether.
I guess I’m just feeling kinda depressed about the whole thing. I know this is probably isn’t the exact right place to vent all these things, but I really needed to get some of these things off of my mind right now.
Thanks for listening.