(Closed) need to vent… very hurt by bridesmaid’s selfishness

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Try and talk to her.  She is probably stressed with a new baby, not sleeping through the night and such.  i know you are stressed too, but remember that she is still your friend through it all.  Maybe you should send her an email asking to set up a time to talk or something and then get some rest.  Dont over extend yourself 4 days before your wedding.  SLEEP!!!

Post # 4
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s really crappy of your Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’m not a mom, so I don’t understand what it’s like to have a child, but I can imagine she’s pretty busy. But at the same time, like you pointed out, she’ll be at your wedding without her baby, so she really should be putting in more of an effort to spend time with you, especially on your wedding day!

Unfortunately, you really find out who your friends are when you plan a wedding, and often, it leads to broken relationships. My Fiance lost two really good friends during the process after they did a complete personality 180 when we got engaged and asked them to be in the wedding. The good side? Now you know who you can count on 🙂

At this point, you should probably keep this girl in the wedding (I’m assuming you planned on it). And just, I don’t know, put up with her? I think what will change is after the wedding – I get the feeling you won’t want to put that much into the friendship because you know it’s usually one-sided.


Post # 5
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think if the friendship is worth saving, you hav to be honest with her- mainly about the weekend during the wedding. The at-home life with the baby can be really busy and unpredicable so cut her slack for that. Talk to her (when you’re calm and focusing on how the situation hurts you – don’t attack her or call names) and explain how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t realize you are really upset and you really want her around. Or Maybe she thinks you only asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man after she freaked out to her mom and you found out about it.

Post # 7
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Interesting points being brought up.  And you think there might be something to KolaBee’s post.

Could you try calling rather than e-mailing?  Somtimes things get  lost in an e-mail, not to mention, what if you e-mail her and she doesnt reply?  I think you ahve an easy way to broach the subject.  Aks if she’s upset and that’s why she isn’t into the wedding.  (And that you miss her and want to spend time with her.)

I think even as a new mom, she should be able to put a little more effort into the wedding.  I’ve been that new mom.  I can see if she’s coming into town and trying to see people she hasn’t seen in a while.  (Not to mention having all this time to herself, without the baby being woken up three times a night, is like Disney World to her, right now.  Get in as much as you can, while you can.)  But I do think some of that energy should be into the wedding. 

Does she know you moved the wedding because of her?  If she’s feeling upset that you might not have asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, maybe hearing this would be  good for her.  Also, it sounds like you are the type of friend who will bend over backwards for a friend.  While it might be nice if yo got that in return, not everyone shows their firendship in the same way.  It’s unfortunate, but I don’t tink her not being there quite as yo’ve been, is necessarily indicative of her not reciprocating your feelings of friendship.

Good luck. 

Post # 8
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think the previous replies sum up how i feel, but i just wanted to say that I hope she comes around. I am a mom and I remember when I had a 3 month old and it was realllllly hard to think about anybody but her and myself. 🙂 I probably would have done the same without really realizing it. Good Luck!

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