- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Ok…we all know the drill..I’ve gone incognito. Don’t know why? But I’m afraid that if things turn out alright, that anyone can look up my history and god forbid..see I had trouble. This may be long, so if you make it through I appreciate it. I’m not sure what I’m looking for in writing this but I hope at the end – I realize something ANYTHING.
Im engaged to a man I’ve known for almost 6 years. I love him. When we met, we were intense and now, I don’t know. We have both been married before and we both have children. My kids like him and have known him mostly all of this time (in the beginning I needed to know he was gonna be a good one before he was exposed to my kids). His kids know me and like me..but the kicker, they dont know we are engaged and they don’t know that in May, we will all be living together? Ages: 8 (male, his); 15 (male, his); 10 (F, mine). My eldest is in college.
He just got his custody finally worked out (about 2 months ago) and he says that he knows his kids and that he doesnt want to spring this on them as he wants to ease them slowly into things. I think I will have some bees on my side here that this is just bullshit. Here we are almost February and there are THREE MONTHS LEFT (btw we got engaged in April 2012) in my mind, if you don’t feel like this is strong enough to tell the boys by now..WTF are we doing then?
When I met FI, he was on Lexapro – he went off of it very early on and I really didn’t notice anything, but over the years, I’ve noticed his insecurities are wrecking what we have. Examples: If he calls me while I’m at work and he doesn’t get me…he literally begins to get irate and truthfully just picks at me. If I have a mtg during my lunch (which is VERY common at my job (which I have had for more than half of the relationship) he tells me that I’m with people and I’m finding them more important. Basically if Im not avail when he calls or tries to reach out – I get shit..but in reverse? He was busy. and “It’s ok” I will say that he typically used to call me at lunch time and if I were out with a group (yes men were included) I worked on a team with both male/female and this is mostly bday/anniversary celebrations with the BOSS included…I would get shit…so this behavior of his has stayed present for 4 years. I have even emailed him my calendars at work to shut him up…but to no avail.
We have broken up truly one time, the way I see it it’s because I had my female co worker take me home (car in shop and he worked about 45 mins away) and then I let her see my new place…when I called him after letting her see my new apartment – he went on a tirade of how I put everyone else first and how he is always on the back burner, etc. ETA: We didn’t speak for 3 mos (he lost his job, called me and went back on meds for a little bit and I basically took him back
We argue all the time..and he does it through TEXT, it’s like face to face (he gets irritated and rolls his eyes) or on the phone (he hangs up). He isn’t a good communicator AT ALL. It’s like he is stunted in communication.
I want to add some good things, because I’m venting – he doesn’t have a voice here (and let me admit truthfully – I’m a very direct person (to a fault at times) I won’t play with someone’s feelings and I don’t typically feel weak)
He proposed; Everyone says that he loves me – they can see it in his eyes; he will drive to my house late at night to catch what I think is a rat? He will fix things for me; oh damn Im mad..I can’t think of all the good things now.