Post # 1
this is the rsvp card we sent to a family of 3:
this is the rsvp card we received from said family of 3:
with additional commentary editing done by me, lol…
now i have to be the big bad mean bride and call said family and somehow gently inform them that their invitation was for the three of them, and the three of them only. except i’m having a hard time coming up with the correct wording. help!
reasons for not allowing extra/random +1’s:
1) trying to keep it as intimate as possible with people very close to us
2) our reception venue can only hold so many, and we’re hitting capacity.
3) we reserved +1’s for invited guests with long-term boy/girlfriends that we’ve met, husbands/wives/fiances, and those guests who will likely not know m(any) other guests (i.e. college friends, etc.). none of which said family falls into – the daughter is not married or engaged (could be a boyfriend, but i didn’t even know she had one), and they’ll know plenty others there.
4) various other reasons i’m sure ya’ll have either dealt with or heard of…
how do i word it so as not to come off as rude/bitchy but still get my point across. if it were up to me, i’d send back their rsvp card with my annotations, but that’s probably not the most professional way to go about this, haha! any suggestions?
Post # 3
I think a phone call to who whoever is the closest contact to you two as a couple (and if it’s FI’s family, I think he should make the phone call) is in order. I’d simply state that you’re sorry about the confusion with the RSVP, but due to limitations you and FI have had to place on your guest list, you unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate the additional guest. You’re sure that 19yrolddaughter will have a fabulous time and that she will know other guests, and you’re sorry for the mix up.
I wouldn’t discuss the cost/size of venue/etc, because they may come back with the ‘oh we’ll pay/I’m sure there will be plenty of room since some won’t make it’ etc. Just state politely that this was a thoughtful decision by you and FI, and you unfortunately cannot accommodate the +1.
Post # 4
@future.mrs.v: Go with number 2. Say that you wish you could include daughter’s boyfriend but unfortunately there is no extra room at the venue. You could add something along the lines of “if there happens to be extra room after we’ve received back all our RSVPs I will let you know”. That however is not required.
I don’t think your invitations could have been more clear.
Post # 5
OMG I vote for your hilarious annotations! Made me laugh so hard! When people ‘do the rude’ first, I think you need to respond a bit more agressively and less flowery than you otherwise might.
I would call or write back and just say “Just got your rsvp and I’m so excited you can come! We can’t wait to see you! Oh, and I just wanted to clarify we only have enough room at the venue and in our budget for the three of you, so unfortunatly we won’t be having any +1’s attending. Sorry about that, but I’m sure you understand”
Post # 6
I would go KatNYc’s advice. Atleast they put it on the RSVP. I had an aunt and uncle RSVP for them and their daughter. They showed up with one of my cousin’s friends, they are 16 and my family made up most of the guest list so she knew plenty of people there. To make it worst I didn’t know this friend (it was a girl so it wasn’t even a boy friend) and we had a plated dinner and place cards so it really was an ordeal.
Post # 7
thanks for ya’lls input!
it’s a family friend of mine, so i’m the one who has to do the calling. bleh!
i think a combination of @indibee:‘s and @KatNYC2011:‘s responses will work. i definitely wasn’t planning on mentioning cost. i just wasn’t sure how to word “sorry, no +1” without coming off as mean or bitchy, lol. i have no idea if the +1 is a boyfriend or just a friend like @penguinsaremyfriends:‘s situation. they didn’t even write in the +1’s name! so what did they expect me to write on the place card?! assuming it was ok to add them in the first place!!
anyway, again, thanks for your input ladies! i’ll definitely come back here and let ya’ll know how the phone call pans out, lol.
oh, and @luckyprincess: i most definitely want to send back my annotated version. i’m not too sure how that’ll go over though, lol. i’m trying my best to be a nice, proper bride. ha!
oh, one more question – i’m sure i already know the answer to this question, but i’m gonna ask it anyway: do ya’ll think a phone call is in order? or would a text suffice? i know, i know, i should call. to ensure they get the message instead of texting and them showing up saying “we never got the text”. i just hate having to have these conversations! if people would just read and follow directions, it’d make me much happier! lol. anyway…
Post # 8
@future.mrs.v: You need to call them and actually talk to them. That way they can’t claim they “never got the message.”
Post # 9
@KatNYC2011: arg. i knew that’s what ya’ll were gonna say, lol.
Post # 10
@future.mrs.v: Great annotations! But seriously…there is no way you could have been more clear that there are 3 people invited and NO MORE. You should definitely call though to make sure they understand that this mysterious “+1” cannot attend. Too much can get lost in translation in a text!
Post # 11
I would phone and use lucky princess’s wording. I think it is more clear and doesn’t get into making excuses or opening up the possibility of things changing.
Post # 12
@penguinsaremyfriends:How did you handle that? I’m terrified of this and wondering what to do when/if someone shows up who didn’t RSVP. Is it possible to kick them out. 🙂 J/K. Was it at least embarrassing for them?
Post # 13
This is a job for the Aunt Mafia — if you are blessed with such a thing. It is far too embarrassing a situation for the hostess — the person offended against — to directly confront a guest who is doing something that should be unthinkable.
So instead you ask your great aunts for advice. She tells you “don’t worry, just wait a day or two; I’m sure it will work itself out.” Then she talks to “Husband’s” or “Wife’s” great aunt and says something like “Bride was telling me some nonsense about Wife inviting an extra person to the wedding! I don’t know what Bride could have been talking about; I am SURE Wife could never have done such a thing. It’s amazing how disorganized these young girls are, isn’t it? Would you like another latte?” Then Wife’s great aunt calls up Wife and says “Bride is getting some R.s.v.p.s from guests who don’t know any better than to bring uninvited people to the reception! I hope you’re not one of them, but if you are, just let whomever it is know that they won’t be coming”.
There really is a reason that families keep us crusty old bats around.
Post # 14
FOR REAL?!? I would be beyond pissed. You did EVERYTHING possible to prevent people from adding extra guests…you could not have been any more clear. And they blatantly ignore your firm but polite instructions? FOR REAL?! I would not worry, at this point, about preserving their feelings. They should be embarrassed. I would call them up and say, “Hi, this is future.mrs.v.! I am calling because we just got your RSVP card and there seems to be a mistake. You indicated that 4 people will be attending, but we only reserved enough space for three. I hope you understand! We’ll see you, husband, and daughter at the wedding!” You shouldn’t have to come up with a reason that their plus one can’t come…their plus one can’t come because the plus one wasn’t invited!!
Post # 15
@Talishazwi: We had to add in another chair at their table and the caterer made the 10% extra so we had the food. That guest clearly did not get a name card since I found this our as we were dismissing our guests following the ceremony. I hope they were embarassed, but they haven’t said anything.
The kicker is now they are planning a destination wedding for their older daughter and that is all they talk about at family functions and it is still over a year away! Oh, and not all of the family is invited, clearly their sense of manners is a little off.
Post # 16
oh dear, so i called the wife and she didn’t answer. i left her a message. we’ll see if she calls back or not. if not, i’ll have to bug ’til she does.
i just can’t believe how intrusive some people are! we’ve been getting calls quite a bit lately of family members reminding us to send an invitation to so-and-so. wtf?! can i remind you of your manners?? and don’t even get me started on the fact that our rsvp deadline is in two (TWO!) days, and we have yet to receive more than half (HALF!) of the rsvp cards we sent out. oh man, people are difficult.
ok, my vent is over. for now, lol.