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We are having a no kids wedding either because of the costs. Is that why you're having it that way also? If so, you could explain that a newborn won't require an additional plate as the other children would. If I had a family member with a child that young I would make an exception.
But you did mention that they allowed absolutely no children to theirs, so it seems as though they would understand the no children thing. I guess it just depends on how your family is. If you feel it would start a feud, why not ask her to find a babysitter for that day?
The reason is not really the cost. My cousin decided she did not want kids at her wedding, but everyone began asking and slowly it turned into everyone bringing their kids. During the ceremony two kids began screaming. During her first dance 3 kids went on the dance floor. My dads side of the family does not control their kids, and it would be a nightmare for me. Originally I though the same as you to allow my brothers baby since it would be so young. Then when I found out my fiances sister in law was due at the same time then that would mean allowing 3 kids. It just seems like a never ending cycle. I dont expect her to leave her 1 month old with a babysitter( I would never do that), but maybe her mom? This just seems like a touchy subject with no easy way out.
I don't want to sound like a bad guy, but stand your ground. Either she's going to be wayyyyy too tired to even stay through dinner because of the exhaustion of having a newborn or she's not going to want to be apart from the baby, or hopefully you'll get lucky and she'll want a night away. Regardless, I don't think it's fair that she expects you to just change plans. And let's face it, a one month old is not always so quiet, either.
Now, I'm sure some of the moms here will feel differently, but I'm kind of anti-kids at weddings where it's inappropriate for them anyways. Is it a night wedding? Is it somewhere that is serving alcohol, will be loud, etc? NOT FOR KIDS OF ANY AGE if so.
I had an Adults Only reception for my 1st wedding. At the time, I had two friends that were pregnant and would have newborns about 5 or 6 weeks old. I did make an exception for them as they were nursing Moms and no way would they have felt comfortable leaving them with a sitter. Both babies slept through the entire thing and both sets of parents left early. While I am a staunch supporter of Adults Only receptions (MyFi and I are having one), I think if you want these parents of newborns to be at your wedding, you'd have to make an exception for newborns.
@cinemaparadiso thanks for your support! I also do not think weddings are a place for kids. I dont think they ever enjoy it anyways. We are not having alcohol, but it is an evening wedding. Also its a really upscale black tie optional event, and I just do not want kids there. I hope I do not sound like a brat, but I would rather have one less thing to worry about at my wedding. Also, my familly is HUGE, and there are ALOT of kids that people would want to bring.
I noticed that lots of people assume they can bring a baby/toddler because they won't eat the venue food, and it's not always about that. Our best man's wife had a baby earlier in the year and when she was pregnant she was talking about getting a babysitter for the wedding. They like to drink, and I figured they'd want to enjoy themselves and wouldn't want to have to worry about the baby for the evening. Now, just recently she mentioned the baby will be running around at the wedding. (She was talking about how she will be walking soon). Um, yeah...except we weren't planning on the baby being there...
Yeah.. I say it's just easier to stand your ground and say no children, at all. And that's true there are more to no children it than just costs, but usually that is the main reason. And yeah, her mom should be able to watch the baby.. I would think.
Letting the babys come does NOT mean you have to allow all three kids to come. Just like you can set a no-one-under-18 limit, you can also set a no-children-over-6-months limit. Just call the moms up personally and explain that while the wedding is going to be strictly no kids, you would never dream of making them leave their newborn at home with a sitter - stress that it's okay to bring that ONE BABY, and make it come across like you're doing them a huge favor. They'll get the hint that the rest of the kids aren't invited. Babies that little mostly just sleep anyway.
You don't sound like a brat at all. I think you have a couple of options here: either allow the newborn to come but not the other children (a very young baby can't really be left with a sitter as easily as older children), or you can just ban all children (although you'll probably lose the newborn's mother that way... do you care? I am not totally sure I would unless she were my own sister. ;). Either way, stand your ground! If you don't want kids at your wedding, don't have them there!
@spaniel I know youre right, either I allow the newborns or theres a huge change the mothers wont come. As much as I want everyone there I think allowing some to bring kids and others not to is more trouble than its worth. I know right now my fiances sister will be really upset if we allow newborns and not her children. I think I am going to have to talk to my brother about it and see what he says first before I talk to his wife.
Why are weddings always such a touchy subject?
First, I can sympathize about the kids thing. I didn't ahve kids at mine. So no judging there. A couple of thoughts.
I think it would be perfectly fine to allow newborns to attend, yet no other children. Newborns are in a completely different category, especially if they are breastfeeding. And 1 month olds are really not going to be much trouble. If mom runs into some trouble, she might skip out eraly, but other than that...?
I do think it's feasible for a one month old to be with gramma for a few hours. Umm, I left my 5 day old with my parents for a few hours, once. He's not emotionally scarred.
If you were to make an exception for the children of the immediate family, how many would you have? I think in no way you have to invite everyone's children, if you open it up to just your nieces and nephews. WOuld it be jsut the three kids and two newborns? Would that be OK?
Could you hire a babysitter for the reception and have the kids be left in there? But tell the moms they certainly can bring the newborns in for whatever they need.
If it was me , I would go with, "Sure newborns are an exception. You can bring the newborn (not all three kids). As we are having an adult only reception. However we understand that newbrons have specific needs that usually only mom can give." Since you're talking really close family. If your FSIl complains, I guess you could say, you can either bring the 1 month old, or you can bring no one... (In a nice way of course :)
But if bringing just the newborns doesn't jive, then I thik it woul be OK to say nay to all kids. Personally, if I had my mom around and could leave the kids with her for a few hours, I would be OK with that too. I mean the baby will probably sleep most of the time anyway. And no one's to say that mom has to stay for the entire reception.
@tanya, thanks for your input! My fiance doesnt think we can have the newborns and not the rest of the kids. Simply because I had this long talk with his sister a few months back about how were having absolutely no kids so we do not start a problem. I think I am going to just have to talk to my brother and feel out the situation. If I allowed immediate family that would be 6 kids! ugh I have some thinking to do, thanks for everyones input!
The bottom line is you don't want kids at the wedding. I completely get that and think you should stick to what you want. At the same time, it's a lot to ask a mother to be apart from her newborn for too long (unless it's her decision to have an adult night out) so I would make arrangements at the venue to have a separate room available for the kids. If the parents want to arrange their own sitters, all the better, but this gives them an onsite option if they need to have easy access to their kids at some point in the evening, which is probably true for the new moms. Some venues will arrange sitters for you, but even if you need to hire your own, at least you're getting what YOU want while making it as easy as possible for your guests with little ones.
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So were not allowing kids at our wedding. My sister in law is one of my bridesmaids, and we just found out she is pregnant and due in June. Also, we just found out my fiances sister in law is due in June too! My sister in law was telling me she may not be able to be a bridemaid because of having a baby, which i totally understand. The problem is she just assumes that she can bring the baby to the wedding. (When my brother and her had their wedding they were VERY strict about ABSOLUTELY no kids) The problem is if I allow her to bring her baby, then we have to allow my fiances sister in law( who also has a 1 year old), and my fiances sister has 3 kids and already asked if she could bring them. If I allow one person to bring their kid then EVERYONE will want to join in. I feel totally stressed out about this. How can I tell my sister in law she cant bring her baby with out being rude?
My family is very petty. There is no way you can allow one person to bring their kids and not another person with out starting a family fued.