(Closed) Need your advice ladies–shouldn’t he be doing something at this point?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really wouldn’t worry.  My husband isn’t the surprise type either but the proposal was a surprise.  Some guys don’t like to have their girlfriend know anything about their plans.  My husband didn’t bring it up at all and we still got engaged.

Post # 5
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Agree with @MissAsB

My FI is similar but had been planning things in his mind, and he got so angry at me for bugging him about it.  I actually picked a huge “you aren’t committed enough” fight the day he paid for the ring, and he was livid.  (I obviously didn’t know why at the time.)  If he actually doesn’t propose over the summer, then you have a right to say something, but otherwise let him do his thing.  Most men think proposals are supposed to be a surprise and they like planning that.  If you absolutely must be involved, you could show him a collage of some rings you like and tell him you wanted him to know your style.  But don’t demand to be part of the process – this is the one thing he gets to do his way.

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t worry either. My SO agreed to a timeline too and he never talks about it and never talks about anything engagement/marriage related. Their minds work differently than ours and they’re just not likely to bring it up. Also, for them, bringing it up at all is like ruining the surprise of the engagement. And for men it is all about the surprise of the engagement. This is the one thing that they get to do and plan all on their own and make special for us in their own way. Be happy that he was able to agree on a timeline for you and take solace in knowing that he will most likely plan something that is just perfect for you! Let him do his own thing. For me, SO agreed on a deadline date to propose by, and so that I don’t get my hopes up that he’ll propose before that actual deadline date, I just expect him to propose on that date (even though I don’t think he’ll actually wait til the last day). I have a countdown on my phone to that date and it keeps me excited and happy to see the days tick away. It also helps to look at the bigger picture. Stuff like: “This time next year I will be in the middle of planning a wedding!”, “In a year and a half I will be walking down the aisle!”, etc.

Post # 8
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Shirinjoon: I hear you.  Keeping my mouth shut was the hardest part.  And my FI is the kind of guy who’d get all whiny the week before my birthday and be like, “what do you want?”  Almost all the presents he’s gotten for me are ones I either picked out or helped decide on.  So I really didn’t have a lot of faith in him to actually get off his butt and get a ring, especially since I wasn’t 100% sure how into the proposal he actually was.  Well he did an amazing job, and it turned out he was just as excited about getting married as I am (just not with the same timing concerns).  I’m sure it’ll all work out wonderfully.

Post # 10
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I completely agree with MissAsB, My boyfriend is the surprise type though and he isn’t going to talk about it all the time or take me ring shopping, I know it will happen in the next few months and thats all I need. This is something they want to do on their own.

Post # 11
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

Boys are hardwired different. I swear I read somewhere that they say one word to 13 of ours on average. Give him a little credit and find something to preoccupy yourself with in the mean time. Get a new book series, join a gym, something just for you 🙂 This has helped me a lot.

Post # 12
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

He could be saving up right now and as time gets closer, he may start talking about it more or asking you about what rings you like. You still have time- so don’t worry just yet.

Post # 13
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Shirinjoon No advice here I’m afraid but I’m just chiming in to say I’m in EXACTLY the same situation as you. In fact I was going to post about it when I read your post on the same issue.

I’m chewing off the side of every couch, chair, bed I sit on at the moment because I want to ask, check, see how he’s “getting on” with the lead up to the engagement, which he said would be in 6 months time- that was 2 months ago so I’m down to 4 months and worry that I’m sticking to this time line and he’s not!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t worry! I know women are all “WHEN IS HE ASKING?!??!?!?!?!?!” but most men aren’t as obsessive as we are 🙂 I’m sure he’s thinking of it, just not being vocal.

He gave you a timeline! YAY! He might be researching rings on his own or maybe even sneakily asking a friend what you like. Maybe you could leave a window open on your computer of a style you like and make sure he “accidentally” sees it.

Post # 16
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I waited for 4 years…no marriage talks really.  I was just fine with knowing that I had found my soul mate and it would happen sooner or later.  When I least expected it…he popped the question.  Even though it seemed like it took forever. 

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