(Closed) Need your help

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Can you give more specific examples about what is going on?

Post # 5
Member
46135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am NOT condoning your FI’s complaints about dishes that are not cleaned up to his standards etc. My theory of housework is if you don’t like the way I do it, do it yourself.

But, you may be overreacting to his comments because you are already stressed.

It is important to learn to decompress as we head home from work. Take some deep breaths and put the workday behind you before you get home. Can you schedule in a workout or even just a walk after work?

Post # 7
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Regarding the work situation, I completely understand.  I used to feel that way at my job before I met Fi… every little comment, every argument or weird thing that happened at the office would affect me.

Fi is an electrician and is often on new construction projects.  He works outside all day sometimes, digging ditches to bury electrical wire… or up in the ceiling moving stuff around.  Granted, he makes about twice what I do, but his job is much much more physical and dangerous.

After a few months of coming home and b*tching about work at the dinner table, I realized that Fi hardly ever complained.  When I asked him about it, he just shrugged and said, “It’s hot, but I get paid well and I can wear jeans and Tshirts to work.”  It made me realize that I was being pretty silly–a bad day for him at work means someone fell two stories off a ladder or cut off their finger in a machine.

I don’t know if it would work for you, but for me, it made me realize that I actually have it very easy in my office job, and it is easier to think of it in my head as just a paycheck.  I still take pride in my work and work hard, but I leave all of the little office politics in an imaginary box when I leave work.

Post # 8
Member
46135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have worked in the ER for many years. It is a high stress environment. The best tip I have for dealing with stress at work is to imagine yourslef covered with a white veil that covers you from head to toe (appropriate image for here on the Bee). Nothing can penetrate that veil.

Comments from the guy who had your job, sexist comments from others cannot penetrate that veil to cause you distress.

I suggest that you do need to call the men on their behavior. Don’t have a hissy fit. Just calmly and firmly tell them that you have had enough, that you will no longer tolerate sexist remarks.

Haven’t you ever noticed the difference in the way men and women treat each other.?Men have no hesitancy in calling someone on their behavior. They deal with it, get it done and it’s over. We women tend to let things build up because we don’t want confrontation.

When your co-workers see that this behavior is no longer accepted, and that it is not getting the result they want, they will stop.

Post # 10
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry your job is so stressful!

I work in science, and the number one thing I’ve learned from my job and from watching my hubby’s aunt (a super powerful businesswoman) is – when with boys, play as the boys do. I rarely see a man take things personally that should be taken professionally – as in, when someone doubts you, tell them you’re sure of yourself and brush them off. Someone is picking on you? Either tell them clearly to stop and ignore their behavior, or pick back (which seems to be more effective for me :)). Don’t let them get the best of you by making you an emotional wreck, because they’re not even thinking about it twice. I so agree with @julies1949: treat men like they do, super straightforward and to the point. Learning to separate work and home would be especially beneficial for your relationship with your FI.

Hope it gets better!

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