Post # 1
basically, my partner and I are planning a wedding for december 2014 and we have already asked the bridal party and contacted vendors etc but we are not officially engaged as I wont have my ring etc until new year.
We are young and we are moving in together ina months time as students. PLEASE NOTE: this is NOT a question of whether we should be getting married in the first place etc.
my simple question is please any advice on how to tell the parents?
spoke to my dad about getting engaged and he seemed fine with it but even he said he wouldnt tell mum to give you an idea on how she will react. Also, my partners mum says we shouldnt get married until were twenty five, nine years together! to us this is un realistic and we are ready now.
We are paying for the whole thing ourselves so that is not the issue, it is simply how do we break it to them (even makes me sad that we have to word it that way) in the least likely to cause conflict way?
Do we tell them together or apart or what? Also his parents are seperated and live in different countries so telling his dad will be easy enough but his mum and my mum a whole different story!
Post # 3
Honestly, how I see it is, if your ready to be married then you shouldn’t be scared of causing conflict. If they get upset then oh friggin’ well shit happens and they will get over it. It’s not their decision on when you guys should get married, it’s yours!
Post # 4
@JazzieB: you could always go the traditional route and have your Fi ask your dad for your hand in marriage. Might be a good opportunity for them to discuss your plans man to man.
Post # 5
Maybe a big family dinner in a restaurant and hope that the moms feel the need to behave appropriately in public and a large group.
that doesn’t mean that they won’t be ugly about it later, but that sounds like it may happen no matter how you break it.
Post # 6
@fascinated: Her FH’s mum lives in a different country, that could prove difficult.
If you feel you’re ready now, what’s the problem? You’re paying for everything on your own, doing it how you want to do it, there shouldn’t be an issue. I say go for it, and if there really is a problem, it isn’t with you guys. Of course you want to be married now, and you want all your loved ones there, but if they can’t accept that, then they can’t accept that. They’ll come around on their own.
A lot of people marry young. Do whatever you like, it’s your life! Good luck!
Post # 7
Are you financially dependent on them in any way at ALL? If so, even if it’s just a cell phone bill or something, I would make it clear to them that now you are an adult, you are married, and you are now responsible for yourself and switch over the bills, etc. to your name.
If you are not dependent on them, then I would just calmly tell them that you two feel it’s the right choice, and move on.
Post # 8
We are dependent on them for rent as my parents wanted to pay my rent through studying but I am able to take over these bills when we are married. I agree that’s appropriate.
thanks guys, it just makes me sad because my mum means a lot to me and it breaks my heart when she disapproves but it is something I feel strongly enough about to go for it anyway.
i think maybe my partner will speak to my dad as suggested and then we could have a meal that is a good idea
do you think we should tell them seperately or all together?
Thanks for the support so far
Post # 9
@JazzieB: I think it’s better to share the news separately if you expect anything but 100% happy, excited reactions. It sounds like both of your mothers are going to have complicated reactions and I think they’d appreciate having the space to talk without the other person parents present/listening.
Post # 10
thanks I agree with you. I spoke to my brother today and he said he thinks we should get on with planning but leave it a few months before we tell them like tell them nearer the wedding. That might sound bad but I think it’s the best option. When the time comes to invite people we will sit them down and still them separately