Post # 1
I needed to vent and to gain some outside persepctive because I can drive myself crazy sometimes. I haven’t spoken to my family or friends because all they do is ask when I’m getting married. (except my parents – they are surprisly calm and have never asked about marriage)
We will be together 9 years next week and we didn’t talk seriously about marriage and getting engaged until about 3 years ago. Moving forward he purchased the diamond last year (Sept) unset because he wanted to find the setting elsewhere. I know for a fact he still hasn’t set it. We talked about getting married in Oct of next year (10 year anniversary) and from the way things are going I’m not sure how that will happen. We’ve gotten into a lot of fights this past year because I would get so sick of waiting since I knew he had the stone (we picked it out together). I understand that he’s not playing me for a fool since he has already put down a lot of money to buy the stone. We live together in a studio so his excuse has always been no time/no privacy to plan. He also says that everytime we fight about it he gets derailed from his plans because he wants to be in a good mood when he’s planning things. So his defense is that I am the cause of my own wait. With our anniversary coming up next week I know I’m about to get into another cranky fit. Besides waiting I’m also terrified of the setting that he wants to pick out all by himself. I’ve offered many times to help but he has refused. I have tried to show him settings that I like but I’m seriously terrified of the setting he’s going to decide on. He doesn’t really understand my style and he admits it and tells me he’s scared I won’t like the setting.
I’m at a point where I’m not really sure how I’m suppose to feel anymore. I’m terrified of talking to him about it because I don’t want to derail him from his plans anymore since it prolongs the waiting. Any thoughts would be great. Thank you for reading.
Post # 3
I think that offering so many times to help out with the setting and bringing it up is probably deterring him from going any further. You’re taking his job away, as the man and the person who’s supposed to propose, by offering to do it for him. (**I do understand that nowadays couples pick rings out together, and women can propose to men, but those are all very specific situations, and in this case, he hasn’t taken you up on that offer, so he may not fall under that specific situation**)
The more you bring it up and ask, the more you will feel bad and you will get into fights.
Let the situation breathe a little and give him and yourself a break! Enjoy your relationship. Go back to the reasons you love him. When he feels comfortable, he’ll do it. And if everything is great and he still doesn’t, deal with the situation then.
Good luck and cheer up!! 🙂
Post # 4
@lilmochi: I know that this is hard right now. You’re SO says he wants to marry you, has got the stone, and has taken steps to getting you an engagment ring. This is what you need to focus on 🙂 This is GREAT news! He just made a lot of strides in taking the next steps and congrats on that 🙂
Men want to be the ones in most cases to deal with this situation. I know that it can seem offesive that your BF tells you that you’ve caused your own wait. I mean, you’ve been in a 9 year relationship, I’d assume you to be a grown woman, not a child who gets punished for saying something about marriage UGH! If I were you, I’d take what he is saying at face value and DROP it!! Join the shut it up pact, come here and let our your frustrations until you can let it go, that’s what I did and I’m better for it.
I’d accept that it’s probably not going to happen on your anniversary. Just don’t plan for it, don’t expect it, don’t look for it. Then, you can have a nice anniversary and the two of you can just enjoy each other.
Another way I think of it, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, is I prefer to not talk about waiting in a bad way anymore (example, ‘why won’t you marry me’ ‘when is it going to happen’ ‘whats taking so long’ ‘have you changed your mind’) and instead keep it positive (example, ‘when we get married’ ‘i’m going to start saving for our wedding’ ‘i’m happy for our friends settling down, isn’t that awesome’) and that is IF you have to break the siu pact. At least this way, you come across as a more confident woman instead of a whining complainer. Hang in there bee and good luck!!