Needing a little encouragement

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

It sucks but you have to remember that everythign happens for a reason. Relationships come and go, for you to learn or realize or cherish the new ones. If your ” friend” was so easy to leave you when you needed her the most, there was something more underlying, but its not even worth looking into it. Just know that when a door closes a new one opens. 

 

Stay positive Girl, and just look forward to your wedding and the future!

Post # 5
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MissPumps:  You have been engaged for less than a month. Congratulations.

What support were you expecting that your best friend could possibly have failed to deliver?

Is it possible that you have unrealistic expectations?

Post # 6
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

@MissPumps:  

@julies1949:  I do agree, you do have to look over your expectations. I have been engaged for two years, getting married in May. And that is the first thing i learned, not to have expectations at all. But it definately is a true test to friendship or what kind of frienship you hold with specific pepole. I guess more of a clarification point. But i would try to avoid this to damaging your heart.

Post # 7
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissPumps:  

The first few months of my engagement, my head, heart and emotions were everywhere. I was wondering if I had made the right choice, if I was ready to settle down, if I was surrendering too soon, etc, etc, etc. I finally settled into being a happy fiancée. It doesn’t have to be a hurtful and stressful time. Perhaps you just need to get comfortable with whatever feelings you are dealing with before reaching out to a lot of people. I know for me, in the beginning of our engagement, I shared most of my crazy thoughts with FI and FI alone. I thought it was too much for me to ask another friend to try to empathize and help when, at times, even I wasn’t sure what I was feeling or needed.

Post # 8
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

@MissPumps:  *Hugs* I know what you are feeling and it sucks! I’m not officially engaged but SO and I have been discussing and planning a June 2015 wedding. I havent been very vocal about my plans with people, doing the back leg work on my own. I did tell my BFF who would have been my maid of honor and her response was less than lackluster. I never asked her to help with anything because it wasnt real yet so it didnt bother me. Then she starting acting strange toward me, asking questions about him, then being silent, making happy conversations tense (even when they had nothing to do with him, she found a way to bring him up and ruin the conversation) Then she ruined my bar admission party by storming out, slamming doors because he was there and she didnt expect him to be?? (idk I’m still confused about this one, he’s my BF, where else would he be?) I think that’s what broke the camel’s back for me. When we had the conversation, she admitted that she was jealous of him and of our relationship and I was making her feel crazy because i didnt understand where she was coming from. Le sigh.

Trust me! you got off easy. and although its hard to lose a friend, was she really your friend if she only wanted to be when you both were miserable and single or waiting together? It doesnt seem this way now but maybe its for the the best. You can pick up the pieces as slowly as you’d like and then move on. If you would like to get to the bottom of her feelings (assuming she means that much to you) then do that. I am still trying to work through my relationship with my old BFF, and it isnt easy and its awkward at times but you will get through this, with or without her.

i hope everything works out!

Post # 9
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MissPumps:  I understand completely. My best friend hasn’t been very supportive at all of my engagement, mainly because she is envious and thinks we’re ‘rushing into it’ because she’s been with her (cheating non-committal) boyfriend for longer. So she’s trying to nitpick the little things to try and make me feel bad or like I am doing something wrong. She’s definitely been a lot less supportive of me. I think if she were in the same position, she’d be overjoyed at both of us being at an exciting time in our lives together, but she’s only happy when SHE is happy. She can’t be happy for anyone else. I say find people that support you and don’t wast time worrying about the jealousy and envy of others.

Post # 10
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@julies1949:  Yeah, I’m curious about that too.

What kind if support did you need that she wasn’t giving you? 

Sometimes we seek support, or types of support, from people when it’s really not their job. Were you relying on her for a type of support that isn’t her job to give? 

That’s just something to consider. 

Post # 11
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

At happy points in your life, you realize who truly is in your corner. Misery loves company, and when a formerly miserable finds happiness, the other parties are more miserable. I don’t always understand jealousy in friendships. I really want those I care for to be happy. Even if we are going through our own issues, being a friend is putting those issues aside and share in one another’s joy. 

It is always better to know who really has your back and who does not. I hope she can come around and apologize, but you shouldn’t expect that. Congrats on your engagement! Things will be fine with or without this person. I wish you the best, dear!

Post # 16
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

Maybe the wedding will bring you together with a new friend who will be more supportive! People come and go, so don’t stress about missing out on memories with her – you’ll have new friends to make memories with 🙂

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