Post # 1
FI and I are tying the knot in a few months and of course we’ve had the baby chat. FI has a 6yr old from a previous relationship, but doesn’t want to start trying for a baby for at least 2 years.
I know that doesn’t sound like long but I am REALLY REALLY ready to start trying after the wedding and I’m not sure how to cope without getting upset with him constantly.
I’m quite young, so I’m not worried about time restraints, I just really want a baby.
FI isn’t worried about money etc, he said the reason he wants to wait is he wants more time just ‘us’ before we have a child.
Anyone else in the same boat? Advice appreciated 🙂
Post # 3
Sounds like he has a great head on his shoulders! It IS really important to have time just the two of you before a baby! Travel, be selfish, revel in your baby-free lifestyle. Once you’re a parent, you can never get that time (or time to build the foundation of your marriage) back.
Post # 4
@MrsMagillToBe: How long have you been together? I think that him feeling like you haven’t had enough alone time together as a couple is totally valid if you haven’t been together for all that long.
I do feel your pain about being ready to TTC at an inopportune time though… my FI and I have been together for 7 years (getting married next year), so I think that’s enough alone time for us 😉 but I need to finish school and we need to get married, so it will be a while yet before we can TTC!
Post # 5
We haven’t been together for long at all.. I do totally get where he is coming from, but that doesn’t stop me from being upset about it 🙁
Post # 6
It’s hard! I have always wanted kids, but the baby fever hit hard when FI and I had been together for a year (not close to getting engaged at the time). It was really difficult to deal with. I would recommend focusing on the two of you and your relationship, as well as pursuing any goals that you have personally (ie grad school, new job, hobbies, etc)– something to keep you busy.
I think we’ll TTC in the first year after we’re married, but we’ll have been together for 5 years at that point so we already have a solid foundation.
Post # 7
Well we’re tying the knot in September and planning to start ttc right away and I’m STILL having trouble waiting, so I’m not really going to be much use to you or have any good advice, BUT, I know how ya feel. If you find a way to be patient, let me know, cause I could sure use it myself!!
Post # 8
I’m nearly 28 and I was really clucky from about 19 til 24 and then that just died in the arse. Just being with guys who are ‘not going to be ready until a certain point in the future’ pretty much killed it for me! It takes two to tango and my FH just isn’t tango-ing so what can I do apart from distract myself?
I’ve also got to wait almost 2 years from now, although I’m going to try and get him to agree on TTC at the end of next year.
Post # 9
@MrsMagillToBe: We’ll be married 2 years this month and our first baby is due in September. So we waited almost two years to try. I know it seems like a long time now, but I’d have to agree with your husband. We had so much fun in our first two years of marriage with traveling and just being together. I really thought I wanted a baby ASAP after getting married but now that I’m pregnant, I’m so glad we got to go through some experiences together as a married couple before bringing a baby into the mix.
What actually helped my initial baby fever after our wedding was we got a puppy about a month after. Once I saw how much work that puppy was (between getting up a few times throughout the night to let her outside, or chasing her around the house to make sure she wasn’t getting into trouble) I realized a baby was going to be 1000X more work than that. That curbed my baby fever for a bit. lol
Post # 10
@MrsMagillToBe: There will be lots of time to dedicate your life to a child (because that is exactly what is going to happen). It’s important to enjoy your spouse while you can, and make sure that your bond as a couple is strong before you bring kids into the mix. You are on the same page about wanting kids, and I think your husband’s response is more logical than the “I want a baby” argument. It has to be the best time emotionally and financially. There will never be a perfect time, but you should do whatever you can to make it the best time for the two of you 🙂
Post # 11
After we’d been married for a couple months, Ibegan to reaaaally want a baby. My husband wasn’t down even a little bit, though, and fortunately, we made it through three years before we started to TTC (this month 🙂 ). I am so grateful that we had that time to get to know each other, have some adventures, and be able to get a few things in order before bringing a kid into all of it.
I say trust your fiance on this one! It’s precious time together that you just can’t get back.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice!
FI and I had a long chat last night and decided that we want to take one more holiday together before we TTC, and really enjoy some alone time. He also said that he understands how important it is to me so we compromised and will start TTC in about a year 🙂
Post # 13
Sounds like a good plan! Happy for you both 🙂