Needing Advice on Possible Pregnancy (loooooong)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

This is not a situation where you were untruthful or misleading with your partner (which I would personally consider far more problematic – I’m not okay with the idea of “tricking” a partner by pretending to use a contraceptive, whether as a female saying you’re taking a pill but not soing so or as a male saying you’re wearing a condom but not doing so).  You were up-front with him about the fact that you were not on birth control any longer (and why).  If he wanted the two of you to remain sexually active, but wanted to avoid pregnancy, then he needed to take steps to do so (using condoms and spermicides, most likely in conjuction), since you also made it clear that you were interested in having a child.  It should not be any surprise to him that the pulling-out method is not effective (because seriously – it REALLY isn’t).  And if he thinks it is and won’t listen to you when you tell him otherwise, then he needs to sit down and do some research of his own.

Post # 4
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Personal story here.

My mom and my dad weren’t planning on having kids. She wanted one, but he didn’t, so she decided she would be okay with that. BUT they weren’t being very careful. No birth control, kind of paying attention to ovulation, but not perfectly.

Anyway, my mom got pregnant with me. My dad was FURIOUS. He did not speak to her for 3 days, and pretty much was cold to her throughout most of her pregnancy. But near the end, he warmed up to the idea. And by the time I arrived, he had people believing the whole thing was his idea.

 

My advice: Take a test. Honestly there’s no use worrying about something that’s not 100%. And if you are pregnant, you’re DH is just going to have to get on board with it. I know a lot of guys that were “unsure” about having a baby, but once that little baby was in their arms, they wouldn’t have traded that baby for the world. They say women bond with their baby in womb, but men really bond with the baby when it’s born. 

Post # 5
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

I am going to be really honest here, please don’t take that as being mean, but I think you both are not mature enough to have a kid. It is not because of your age, your husband clearly doesn’t want a child yet (or so he says), knows that you are off birth control and thinks that “pulling out” is a good way of protection?!?! I am sorry, but that is not the case at all…the pre sperm can get you impregnated too and you learn about that in middle school. He seems to take that on the light shoulder and doesn’t sound responsible IMO.

 

I also think that you are acting immature by just letting it happen and sorta provoking that you get pregnant. You can’t just take that in your own hands, especially with such an important decision! He will feel betrayed and those relationships usually don’t end in a good way. Also, you said you have enough money, but don’t want to spend 120$ a month on birthcontrol…no offense but a baby will cost you a lot more than that! And you can’t just calculate with the money you both have NOW, because you will be must likely not working (raising the baby). So he would be the sole breadwinner. 

 

Yes, you can make it work at 24…but there is no rush to get pregnant at that age either.

 

Post # 6
Member
13168 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think your DH really has much right to be upset here.  He should know better than to think that the pull-out method would be successful at preventing pregnancy (and if he didn’t already know, you told him as much).  So his choice to not switch to a real birth control method when your situation with the pill changed means to me that he was open to having children.  That’s basically what you say when you choose to have unprotected sex, IMO, whether you actually verbalize it or not.

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you aren’t quite at 24 yet, you have some time to have children. Perhaps you could talk to him about a timeline of 25. Honestly, if he isn’t ready you shouldn’t force him, but if you love him you will wait for him to be ready. He is being respoinsible. He is NOT, however, being responsible about your BC methods of pulling out. If he really, truly, didn’t want children I doubt he’d be using that method. I think you two need to have another chat about expectations and get his take on what if you had children now becuase you guys aren’t using a safe method.

I would suggest taking a test first though.

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Take a pregnancy test, first, so you aren’t stressing out about something that may not be true.

If it comes out negative, plan a time to sit down with your DH and seriously talk about what you two will do if you do get pregnant in the near future. Being on the same page here may take some discussion (okay, maybe argument), but it’s important to know what you as a couple will do before it happens.

If it’s positive, see a doctor to talk about ALL of your options (if DH will go with you, great). After you know every option available & any potential deadlines for certain options, sit down with DH and make a decision.

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