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Ouch. I would find that offensive if I was you or your husband as well. Can you ask her what prompted the change, and let her know that your husband was looking forward to it?
I would definitely start by asking her what caused her to change her mind. She may have reasons you're unaware of.
You say your husband isn't the type to give a speech, but what about if he does one of the readings. In my opinion that is an extremely special part of the wedding.
Maybe she could dance with Shawn at the wedding? I think you need to find out hat happened. She may have a valid reason for her choice. And there might be an option for Shawn to partake somewhere.
Keep in mind this is from a bride's perspective. I have made (and will continue to make) many decisions my Mom is not thrilled with. It is my wedding and she needs to accept that I will make choices different than the ones she would make.
I'm not sure why your daughter changed her mind, but she has. Other than expressing your disappointment and asking her to have a special role in the wedding for your husband, there isn't much you can do except accept her decision.
I know you are saddened by her change of heart, but the only way for you to make headway is to calmly (and not emotionally) ask her what changed. You need to be prepared that you may not like her rational. If she is changing her mind because her dad pressured her, she will regret her decision later.
Ouch. I think you should insist that she break the news to her step-father... it might force her to confront the conflicted feelings she is almost certainly having about this issue.
I am not nearly so close with my step-father (he married my mom when I was already 27), but he is still participating in my ceremony--he'll be escorting my mother down the aisle, while my dad will walk me.
I'm sorry. That would upset me too. Is there another job Shawn would even want to do? I like the reading suggestion, if he'd want to do it. And I agree it would be OK, to ask your daughter, why the change? BUt after that, what can you do? People hurt us all the time, with the decisions they make.
It looks like the wedding is over a year away. Perhaps there is time for her to change her mind. Good luck. Keep us updated.
I think that her decision is up to her, and whatever she decides is fine- but she should be the one to explain to her step father.
If she's still in PR wait until she returns. Give her space, let things calm down, and just leave it be for the moment.
After she returns, she's been away from her father (in case he was influencing her), and things have kind of moved on... talk to her about the reason she chose. Either way, it is HER wedding and while heart breaking you need to respect her decision.
My close friend just had her step father escort her the first half with her mother and then the step father passed her on to her real father. Mind you, her step father was much MUCH more present in her life as well and raised her much more than her real father... but her real father was still just as proud and happy beaming from ear to ear with his daughter on his arm.
I wish y'all the best of luck in this. It's a hard decision but there's plenty of time between this and the wedding. Just give it time to settle down. If she told you via text and that's how the whole talk started it really needs time to settle down and for her to come back "home."
Gosh that must be hard for you two. I would be upset too.
I have to agree with KLP2010. Wait till she gets back and away from her father's influence. But remember that it is the Bride's choice in the end.
Please stop talking to your daughter about this. Your daughter has made her decision. Your husband will be by your side and will continue to support you and your daughter as she enters into marriage. If your daughter chooses to include her stepfather in the ceremony, then it's something she needs to figure out how to do. If he does not have an active role, then he will have a passive role.
I can understand why this is upsetting to you and hurtful to your husband, but you really need to step back from it emotionally or else it will strain the relationship you have with your daughter. She did not ask to be put in the situation she was raised in - and it sounds like she had a wonderful stepfather. Her choice in who walks her down the aisle does not change the history or the amount of love or appreciate she has for her step father.
Try your best to work through your emotions around this issue, so that you can be truly happy for your daughter on her wedding day (and you can emotionally be there for your husband - who is understandably disappointed).
Best of luck to you.
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Hi my name is Marsha,and I need help with a situation with my daughters wedding. My daughter is my heart & soul.I raised her alone in Florida while her father stayed in Puerto Rico.Eventually we were divorced,and he remarried right away.My daughter visited him every once in a while she hardly knew him,and he wasn't in her life.When my daughter was 12 yrs old I remarried to a wonderful man.He had no children of his own,and treated my daughter like his own,along with my other children who were married.My grandchildren called him grandpa.Shawn (My husband) did everything for Britney (My daughter).He even taught her how to drive.He considered her his daughter. When Britney decided to get married the question came up about who was going to walk her down the isle.Her Fianc'e and herself agreed that her bio father would walk her half way,and her stepdad would walk her the rest of the way.He was so happy about the decision.My daughter recently went to PR to help her father with some work he was doing.Last week she texted me and said she'd made up her mind, and she wanted her real father,and myself(me) to walk her.I asked her what about (Shawn) her stepdad,and she said no she didn't want him to be in the ceremony,and that was it,and she didn't want any drama about it.I cryed and told her she needed to tell him which she replied no you tell him.Well when I told him I could see the tears in his eyes.I don't know what was said while she was in PR. Her father I think influenced her.I can't see this happening alot of people are going to be upset about this decision, because they no my husband raised her.Is there something that he could be or do to be in the ceremony.I was thinking if he stood up front,and when we got down there he would come over and we would all give her away.He's not a person to make a speech.My husband has to be in that ceremony,but what could he do? I need help or I'm going to go crazy,and I don't want him hurt .Please help me or give me some suggestions so I can tell my daughter. I hope to hear from you soon.
Thank You Marsha VanLester
The Brides mother.