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I just turned 21, and people keep telling me "you're only 21, wait!" and I completely understand what they mean. But, me & my husband just seem ready for a baby. We love to do family things, we love to spend time together & we're not partiers at all. Money's not the greatest with us but I'm currently going to school to be a dental hygeinist & will be done with that in about 2 yrs. My dad's paying for me to go to school so I will finish whether we have a baby or not.
My friend's getting married next September & I didn't want to be prego for her wedding, so I was thinking if we got prego now that I'd have the baby by June & I'd be back to my normal size, or at least close to it.
I guess the only thing people keep telling me is "you're too young". I know it would probably be better to wait until I'm done with school but here's another thing...if I have the baby now, I work with my family & I'd be able to take things A LOT easier at work and have days off when I don't feel well. As opposed to having the baby while I'm working at a Dentist Office & not being able to have a lenient schedule.
So, ladies...I'll take any advice. I've been thinking about this for a while & I just want me & my hubby to bring a baby into this world...our baby. I wanted to have kids by 22/23 anyway and at this rate I'd be 22 by the time we have our baby.
Thank you for listening!!
It is such a personal decision and you and your husband seem to be on the same page which is so important. I don't think you're 'too young' (even though I'm 12 years older than you!) but I do think that if I were in your position I would finish school and then have a baby. That way you would have the best of both worlds - you'd still be a young mom but you'd also have a career that you could gain experience in while you get ready for a baby and one you could go back to once you're ready to go back to work. I don't know from experience but I imagine it's a lot harder to go to school once children have arrived.
Either way I think you'll get lots of support here! Good luck!
I'd say wait. A girl i know is about to have her baby she's about 22 or 23. She got married and a couple of months later got pregnant. She just celebrated her one yr anniversary not too long ago. She had plans of going to grad school etc, and because of the baby she had to leave her good job and grad school on the back burner. Who knows when she will be able to go to grad school etc. Basically my point is if you're ready you're ready, but just know their will be great sacrifice if you have a child still at a young age. I'm 23 and omg I can't imagine having a baby ahhh, but goodluck either way!!
As a mom of a 20 month old, I would wait until you're done with school if possible. It's not as much of a money issue for people as it becomes a time issue. Babies = all of your time. Unless you can afford, and want, to hire a sitter to come watch your baby from 8-5 so that you can attend class and study well you WILL NOT be able to put as much effort into school as you should.
I also wouldn't say that you're too young, but I do know a mom of a 1yro who is currently in grad school for Occupational Therapy and said it's just really really hard to get in all of her studying w/o feeling like she should be caring for their little one. School is taking a backburner when it should be her focus right now.
I agree with the PP. I would totally wait until you're done with school... at least.
My only advice is relating to school, I'd suggest (as I'm sure lots of us would) to finish it. I have several friends juggling kids, husbands, school and they're beyond stressed. You are automatically spread too thin. Your age isn't an issue to me, though obviously you have plenty of time to wait. I think I'd probably spend some time with my hubby first, travel, save some money, have fun, then plan a familiy. But that's just me. You'll do what's in your heart and it will all ultimately work out.
I would finish school first. You'll have the rest of your life to have babies! Why rush!
As a 22 yr. old mom, I would say wait.. just a little. I love my son to pieces, and because of that a lot of other things have been put on the back burner. Trips (even little weekend getaways), school, my relationship even (to an extent), work etc etc, it all comes second.
I think that's the biggest thing when it comes to kids, it doesn't really matter how ready you are & whatnot, it's hard to imagine the sacrifice until it happens.
And it does happen.
Whatever you decide, good luck!
You and your husband have to decide what is right for you.
You guys should come up with a good plan to see how you would handle a kid.
If you got preggo now, you would have a baby next june. You would have another year of school with a newborn. Who watches the baby while your at school. How will you handle studying etc at night with a baby around. When you do get out of school, you will have a one year old. Can you afford for full time day care when you start your job?
Also, just start up costs for a baby cost a lot. We have decided to have a goal of having $5k in the bank designated for baby expenses prior to our first child. I know that seems like a lot, but its a goal for us and hopefully we make it there. We will use it for things like, extra costs for Dr. appts (just the co-pays will add up), labor/delivery fees, diapers for the first few months (until we get used to having that extra expense in our budget), buying furniture for a nursery, other big ticket items if we didn't get them as a shower gift, day care start up costs, etc. If we dont need all that money then we decided the left over will go towards starting an education fund.
i agree with @jennifer_espos. it's not about your age, but i say hold on until you finish your program at school.
i've been working full-time and started night law school classes back in may with just four months left until our wedding... this summer was CRAZY busy. schooling is one of the main reasons that FI and i are waiting until we are both done with our post-grad degrees to start trying... once you have kids, your life is over, and since you are 21, why not save a lil money, finish your program, and then try when you're settled into your life and have completed the things you want to do, without the fulltime dedication and commitment it takes to raise children.
I had my oldest when I was in school, I would highly reccomend waiting. Babies need so much time and it is really dififcult to balance the two.
Doing homework after you put the baby to bed and then being up at night, and then having to go to class, is such a juggling act. I am not sure what you have to do for school, but I am a nurse and we had to do clinicals in the evenings, sometimes I wouldn't be done until 9 or so.
How does your husband feel about this, this is the most important opinion though?
I think it's a personal decision that only you and your husband can make. Only you know your time and money situation.
With that said I know how time consuming school & work can be without a child and I cannot imagine how difficult it would be with one (kudos to all moms who are doing/did it!). It sounds like if you choose to have a baby then you have a strong family support system and hopefully they would help you out (babysitting etc) so you can finish school.
Also I think it's stupid when people tell you that you are 'too young' I think some people mature faster than others so you really can't gauge when to have a child strictly by age.
Sorry, I'm not much help...Good luck!
You said money isn't the greatest right now for you guys....I would wait until you're more financially ready. The way I see it, it isn't fair to bring a child into the world to have to struggle to have the things he or she will need. I have been thinking about kids a lot and came to the decision I won't do it until we have more money in the bank. I don't want to scrounge up quarters to buy diapers if you know what I mean? I would rather be a younger mom too, but I do want my kids to have the best life so I'm putting it on hold til I can give it to them.
If you can choose, I say choose to wait until your schooling is done. It would be both beneficial to your time management, and also you will have accomplished your education and it will be one less thing on your list of things to do in the future.
OVERALL, in my opinion, it all depends on your maturity level. I personally have a friend who gave birth when she was 21, and she is a much better quality parent than another friend I have who gave birth when she was 28.
If it feels right, don't let anyone tell you that you are "the wrong age" - I believe age actually has very little to do with it, because maturity and responsibility are not necessarily reflective of the year you were born. In addition, I also believe, if we all had the choice of a "perfect time" to have a baby, there would never be a perfect time - life just happens.
I completely understand where you are coming from, because I want a baby, too, and have even been doing the same math regarding due dates (I'm MOH in two weddings next summer.)
The only difference is I'm 29. And there are still some things I want to do before I have a kid. I know it would be possible to do them while I had an infant, but it would just make it that much harder. So I'm going to try and get a few goals under my belt, and then go for it.
This is a decision that only you can make. You might be the kind of person who can reach all of your goals (like finishing school) with small children in tow, you might not. You most likely do have lots of years of baby-making ahead of you, so fortunately your biological clock isn't as big a part of the equation as it is mine.
There are of course pros and cons to both. I personally would wait until you graduate get a good job with benefits. I would discuss everything with DH and family. What is best for you and your family. If you are leaning towards being a stay at home mom thats fine if you've got the finances and time to raise your child. Don't rush if its the wrong desicion, you have pleeennty of time. Also don't let other people's schedules, weddings or events dictate your timeline. That is minor in the big sceme of things!
My mom got married at 17, pregnant a year later, and had her first baby at 18 and her second at 21. Age isn't a big deal. Personally, in your situation, I'd wait about a year, so you're done with school by the time the baby is born (I wouldn't wait for TTC until AFTER I was done, though - I'd start 9 months out from graduation.) You'd likely have those first few months of baby's life job-hunting, which can be done to baby's schedule, unlike classes plus a job. And childcare is EXPENSIVE. Better to have a full-time job that school + job if you're trying to pay for childcare.
I agree that no one can tell you when is the right time for you to have a child... BUT, I can give you the perspective as a mother of a 3 month old, and from that perspective I'd encourage you to wait until you finish your school program.
In the 3 months that we've had our little one, the only time I've been seperated from her is for work. She refuses a bottle so I can't really leave for more than 4 hours at a time. My partner and I haven't been alone at all. I've had to turn down all kinds of activities and trips. It's rare that I sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch. Now, I'm 39 years old and have been there and done all of that. There was nothing more that I wanted than to have this child in my life. All of the hard things make me smile. However, a few years ago the "sacrifices" might have been much harder on me.
Having a baby isn't just an every waking minute thing. The child occupies every space in your life... and that is a beautiful thing when all your ducks are in a row, and your life allows for that, but with unfinished business like school you will feel very divided and probably will do both things less well than you would like. No harm waiting the little while until you're done and enjoying your marriage until then :) You are building a family now, even if you are not having a child right now.
I agree with cyneswith. Wait until you are closer to graduation before TTC. That's kind of my plan at the moment and I'm 22. Also try to plan it that your first trimester is over the summer if possible. It would really be awful to have morning sickness while in class I imagine! I am supposed to get me Associates by the end of Fall 2011 semester, so the tentative plan is to start TTC in Mayish and then I would be finished with my Fall 2011 semester before I gave birth. I'm just not sure if I will pursue my BA right away (leaning towards yes) and that would put our plan back another 2 years or so, but that's ok. My mom did the school, work, and kids thing (and we werent babies!) and I can see how hard it was.
Thank you all for the advice. I understand that most if not all of you are saying wait until the school program is done. I agree that is very important & it is best. BUT, the reason I want to have a baby working here with my family is because I'd be able to bring the baby to work sometimes, have days off with my baby, and things would be a lot more easy going that way. Maybe I could wait until I'm close to finishing my school so that I'm finishing up while being pregnant, and graduated by the time I have the baby so then the only thing I have to worry about is finding a job.
My husband is ready for one too, he thinks that having one while working with my family is best for both of us. We aren't completely financially ready but we have savings & we will be fine and be able to give that baby the world when it comes.
I actually just got off the phone with my dad and he told me he supports me 100% no matter what I do. He'd like for us to have babies while we're young and while he's still younger so that he can enjoy his grandchildren. I think what I'm going to do is think about it for a little while longer & make sure it's the right thing for both of us and do a little bit of research.
Thank you ladies for all of the advice, I have definitely taken it into consideration!
I agree that this is obviously a decision that you and your husband will ultimately make, but I, too, think you should wait (at the very least) until you're finished with school.
What is your husband's job situation?
Does he make enough to support you on his own if it turns out that you aren't able to finish school right away?
Do you have insurance?
Would you be looking to hire a sitter so you can finish school? If so, look into prices and factor that in to your budget to see if its even feasible.
In addition to that, babies are SUPER expensive-- way more expensive than you would think. So if "money is not the greatest" right now, I'd definitely recommend that you wait.
And I think if you do decide to have a baby, I don't think you should worry about if you're pregnant at your friend's wedding or not.
FH & I are 23 and 22, respectively, and while I'm sure we could make it work with a baby right now, we are definitely planning on waiting at least until I'm out of school (but most likely longer). Like you, we aren't partiers and love to spend time with our families. But we just want to have this time to spend with each other and not worry about a baby. We want to use this time in our relationship to travel and do the things we won't be able to do when we have children. So that's my point of view. :)
Good luck with this decision!
@JenniMichele: Thank you for your advice! My husband has a very good job and just got a raise, and has wonderful insurance. We wouldn't hire a sitter while I finished school because most of my schooling is done online or at night.
Have you actually been accepted into the hygiene program? None I know of can be done online except maybe the pre-requsite courses. I remember you asking about this before, so were you able to obtain a spot in the limited size class this late?
I went through the program when my kids were 9 & 14, and it was the most difficult thing I ever did, being a FT student,wife and Mom. If I were you,I'd do one or the other. Being pregnant in clinic is pretty difficult,and there are no make up days should you have to be out.
I agree with pretty much everything DG said. :) With a baby, it's not just about time management, it's about priority management. Babies take over your whole entire life (in a good way), but that can really change your perspective on things.
I was always the kind of person who said I would never want to be a stay at home mom; I always wanted to work out of the house. Now, with my 2 month old, I feel like my entire world has changed. My husband and I have had some serious discussions lately about the possibility of me staying home, and I've even decided to put grad school on the back burner for at least a year so that my program doesn't overlap with my husband's grad school program (he'll graduate next fall, and I think only one of us should be in grad school at a time). If you wait until 9 months out from graduation to TTC, at least you won't have that temptation of dropping school; you'll already have your diploma. Not that you might drop because of finances or time (although those are also factors), but more likely because you can't imagine leaving this little tiny center of your world with anyone else. And if you decide you want to stay home with the baby, you already have the qualifications to enter into the work force at a later date; otherwise, you would have to complete school sometime in the future before you could even get a job.
Ok, I'll also add that the finances thing is big, too. Our little gem would have cost us almost $25,000 in medical bills so far if we didn't have the incredible insurance we have. And that's just in the first couple months of life and ONLY for medical stuff!
I think that if you and your husband are ready, and you have 100% support from your family, then I say go for it! I'm glad you are taking the time to seriously think about it and discuss it with your husband and your family. If you feel it is the right time for you, then do it! I already know that I will have kids while I'm still in school - I've got about a year and a half to two years left to go on my BA, and I fully plan on going for my master's. I'm 27 now, and don't want to have kids past 35, so that's 4-6 more years of school and only 6-8 years of babymaking left. Yes, they will overlap, but I'm already okay with that. If you are too, there is nothing wrong with that! :)
I think a lot of the other bees made good points about school and IMO that is probably the most important factor. I just wanted to bring up another point that you should think about -if there is anything you have always wanted to do, but might be difficult to do with a child?
For example, DH (then BF) and I took 4 months off work after finishing school to go backpacking in Asia. I'm not saying it would need to be that extensive, but a lot of my co-workers really encouraged me to take advantage of not having the responsibility for a child to do that. And since I did it, I definitely encourage others to do the same (with whatever dream you might have).
Good luck with your decision!
I would also take into account where your close friends are in their lives. If you are the only one in your group with a baby, your relationships with friends will change dramatically. I would wait until your peers start having babies so that you can go through it together and have that support system. It's lonely to do it alone.
@snmcdowell: That is probably one of the reasons I have baby fever so bad, because ALL of my friends are either pregnant or already have kids. There's only one couple out of my friends that don't have babies. But I do agree, you definitely need to have same interests with your friends so that relationships don't change too much.
Even though you mention that your classes are mostly online or at night I'm still jumping on the wait until you're done bandwagon. I think it's pretty tough to be financially ready for a baby, there's always something... but most people will get a lot of family support/gifts and there are ways to be thrifty in that arena. BUT if you have a tough pregnancy, are really tired, etc. it could take a toll on your school work {my bedtime moved up by at least two hours in my first trimester and I napped daily!}.
If you do decide to start a family now, while in school, can you take time off school when you have a new born? And don't forget that just because you'd like to have a baby in x-month doesn't mean it will work out that way... it may take a few months to conceive!
Good luck to you whichever way you go!
There are not enough cute baby pictures in the world that could make me trade in the freedom and self-exploration of my early twenties. Once a parent, you never get that time back. This is my main reasoning behind waiting until age 30. Obviously, it's not necessary to wait that long, but I can't wrap my mind around wanting a baby at 21. Good luck figuring out what you want!!
@rugulach: That is exactly what my FI and I are doing next year!!! We are so excited! Congrats on doing something so adventurous and awesome!
I can't say it any better than MrsDG and MrsSpring.
Babies=Time
School=Time
Work=Time
Babies+School+Work=???
Unless your DH will be a SAHD, it will be really hard to balance all of that.
I understand the baby fever, but you should also consider that the perfect timing may be to be due a month or so after you graduate. Then if you decide to be a SAHM, you can without having to worry about quitting a job. And if not, then you will be able to have the baby and then find a job. No one is going to hire someone who will IMMEDIATELY be taking maternity leave. It's impractical.
@MightySapphire: My friend got pregnant right before she graduated & she got a job at two different hospitals when she was about 6 months pregnant. It's possible to get a job being pregnant, it just may not be easy. I understand where you are all coming from. I just have another 3-4 yrs of school left and I don't want to wait that long to have a baby. My ideal age is 22-23 and if I wait until after I'm done with school I will be 25 and I def. don't want to wait that long.
Thanks for the support, ladies. Me & my hubby have a lot of talking to do!
Sounds like you have an amazing, supportive husband and family. That's a pretty good place to start—I can't imagine there being a "wrong" choice. Best of luck to you and your husband in your decision!
@Gemstone: Thank you!! I think if we do or don't have a baby right now, we will be able to make it work reguardless. The school is my only issue.
It seems like you've already made your mind up, and you're just coming here for some reassurance.
But I think that you should definitely wait until you're finished with school. You're very young and you have about 20 or more childbearing years left in your life. Why not give it a few years, enjoy some alone time with your husband in your new home, and then have a baby when you're settled in with your career?
@danadelphia: Dana, I see where you're coming from. I would LOVE to wait until I'm finished with my career but I still have about 3-4 yrs until I'm done with school. I don't want to wait that long to get pregnant. I will wait a year, though, and get as much schooling as I can completed. We will see what happens. Thank you for the advice, I'm taking everything into consideration and yall have helped TREMENDOUSLY!!
Why are those your ideal ages? Why not have your ideal ages be a time when YOU are really ready, outside of an arbitrary number.
You will still be young, and a young mom at 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 etc. and your dad will still enjoy his grandchild, regardless of his age. My grandma was in her late 60’s/early 70’s when I was little, and we had plenty of fun together.
I think with an “easy” fallback position (the job you have now, with family) you will be less likely to finish school after having the baby, even if your dad is paying for school.
You’ve had a bunch of major life changes over the past few months – getting married and buying a house. Why not relax and enjoy this newlywed stage of your relationship a bit before making a decision that will change your life, and change it forever?
It does sound like you’re pretty set on having a baby now though, so good luck!
@danadelphia: I was just about to type the same things about OP mind clearly being made up.
You're getting such great Lees, from a lot of poeple who have been there:)
@crayfish- PM me when you start planning...I have a lot of tips from our trip on my personal blog and I'm happy to share :-)
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