Needing some help..

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you sat down and just had a real conversation with him about it?  One where BOTH of you get to say what you need to say, and do it in a mature way?  You’ve been together for awhile, you have a child, and you’ve gone through some big life decisions together.  Marriage is another big life decision.  You both need to feel ready.  If he doesn’t, then that is something that he needs to say.  However, instead of making snide comments or veiled ultimatums, just have an adult conversation.  

Post # 5
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Waitingnotsopatiently:  Hormones can definitely be tough to think around sometimes!  As can emotions- especially when it’s something so important to you and your family.  I’m glad you asked him about his timeline, and I’m glad it was a good response!  🙂

Post # 6
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Waitingnotsopatiently:  I agree with PP Audrey2_sings: .

A real, calm conversation about your timeline will help you feel more in control of the situation. Waiting is hard and if you are a bit of a control freak (like me), its hard to be sitting in the dark. My FI and I are VERY recently engaged but I had a good 5-6 months of sometimes unhappy, sometimes content waiting.

We had a conversation about him bringing up engagement/wedding related things and to stop doing that until he was ready to propose. Talk to your SO about where he’s at with things and ask for something more specific than “Married in the next two years” because planning a wedding takes time and a proposal usually happens before a marriage 😛

Try to have this conversation sometime when the two of you are alone and relaxing (after the new kiddo, congrats by the way, is asleep). When things are not high stress/upsetting, its easier to talk about it as two adults!

Post # 7
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Waitingnotsopatiently:  I haven’t read any other comments so I am sorry if this is a repeat to others…

First of all, you have every right to feel this way. Especially if you have a child with him. But take it from me, it is not worth fighting with him over and dangling it above him as a threat. My fiance and I are high school sweethearts, we have been together for 11 years and he just recently proposed last November. I wasn’t too concerned about it until after college, but once I graduated and we had been settled in our house three years after I graduated I was starting to feel frustrated. But I talked to him about it off and on and we were both honest with each other. While I wanted it immediately, he wanted to wait until he had enough money saved up for a ring he thought would be suitable for me (rings are ridiculously expensive and he did not want to finance a ring, I mean who does?!) and he was also finishing up school, so with student loans and a mortgage, we had a lot going on. We even had our families and friends pushing it, and as much as I loved them siding with me, he was very frustrated when they would bring it up. It is a lot of pressure to put on them. I never threatened him because honestly, I would never ever leave him. I just love him too much. I came to terms with the possibility of never marrying, even though we agreed it would happen one day, that day just wasn’t close enough.

Sorry for the long story but my advice to you is to talk to him about it. If he isn’t ready, he isn’t ready. If he says ‘yea I do want to marry you  I am just not ready’, then don’t push it anymore. Give him some time. Of course marriage is a very important step in a relationship, but it isn’t everything, your love is what should matter, so just work with him, compromise, and know it will happen, just not on your time. Hope this helps.

Post # 9
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

lexiijo:  ahh! i was just reading to the bottom of this for the first time and how awesome to see this! Congrats! 

Post # 10
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

lexiijo:  How does your SO feel about marriage, is he the type that feels like there’s no need for it since you live together, have a child together, etc.? I’m sure he will come around eventually or if you’re willing to settle for now, maybe you two can go to a city hall and sign a marriage license (I’m not sure of the process), and be done with it for now and once he is ready, you can do a whole big thing?

EDIT: Didn’t read your last comment congratulations! 🙂

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  mrsczup478.
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