Post # 1
For reasons beyond his control my dad won’t be able to make it to the wedding. Changing the date, moving the location, none of it will make a difference. I’ve known this for a while but I don’t think I was really dealing with it. My dad and I have never been best buds, our personalities have always kinda clashed. We never ought right fought or anything like that, just never all that comfortable with eachother and while we haven’t avoided eachother per sey, we didn’t really do much together or share time without mom either. So I thought I was going to be ok with him not being there.
I’m not. I am nothing anywhere near ok. My dad wants to be there but can’t be and he feels terrible about it, absolutly miserable. I think it is one of hi greatest regrets and while he has appologized for it only once and not really said much I can see it in his eyes that it is killing him to make me sad.
I just got back form being my best friends maid of honor and I watched her dance with her dad and watched him walk down the aisle and all I could think is how badly I want my daddy there.
I was thinking of having a religious ceremony in the next week…I already have a my dress and shoes and things and we have our rings. I was thinking of just having a simple ceremony with only family and no maids or groomsmen (they are all out of town or away at school right now) that way my dad could be at my wedding.
The thing is the big wedding celebration is really important to my FI and the deposits and everything have been made for our wedding this December. I talked with my FI and he is more than willing to have a church service next week where we sign the legal papers and exchange rings so that my dad can be there but he also wants to have the ceremony in December, and honestly I kinda of do too because thats the one my sister could be at; my only sister will not be able to attend the one next week.
Its a wedding and such an important commitment and the fact I can’t have the family all together for it is so painful. I dont want my sister or my dad to feel they missed out or were not there for me but I also dont want to take the "specialness" away from FI by having the wedding now and somehow diminishing or canceling the event in Dec.
Would it be ok to have a simple ceremony next week, no big reception or anything, just the opportunity for daddy to be there, and then have a ceremony and reception in Dec with my sister and extended family and friends like we had planned? Would that be acceptable? I just dont know. All I know i that I am torn up about the whole situation and its making a special occasion pretty painful. As always hive your hugs and support are wonderful and thanks for listening.
Post # 3
*HUGS* I’m so sorry that your father can’t make it — for you and for him.
And of COURSE it’s alright to have a small ceremony where your father joins in with you. =)
Another thing you may want to think of is having a live video feed for your father to watch of your actual wedding, and he could maybe pre-record a reading/toast for you to play at the wedding so that, in some sense, he will be there. Just a thought.
*more HUGS* I know it hurts, and I’m so sorry that it does. Please let us know how this turns out.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry that you have to make this decision. I think both choices are fine. It’s your marriage, do what works for you. And I agree with Jenniphyr that a live feed might be another option. We’re just planning to send the final video to FI’s grandmother, though I know grandmother not being there is different than father.
I don’t really have any more specific advice, just wanted to send some warm thoughts your way. And to let you know that there is no "right" decision here. Please do whatever you decide in your heart makes sense for you and your family. Do not worry about how things will "look" to other people.
Post # 5
That sounds really horrible, you poor thing 🙁 My dad is an important part of my life and I would find it very difficult to get married without him! Just keep in mind…if you have a ceremony next week, you will be married. That means in December, you won’t be having a wedding. You will be renewing your vows (if you choose to have a ceremony), and having a reception. But if you and your fiance are comfortable and happy with this, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you have the wedding you want 🙂
Post # 6
If I were in your shoes I would have the small ceremony with my daddy! You can always do the big one later so you dont lose the deposits and as long as your FH is ok with that then I would go for it. I’m a daddys girl all around and if my dad couldnt make my wedding I would make a way to have a wedding with him. The only reason we are having a wedding and not eloping is because I want my dad to walk me down the isle and give me away, so I understand. I hope you FH compromises with you and your day, no matter when, is very special!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
Awww *HUGS!* I’m sorry about the situation!
I think it would definitely be fine to do a small religious ceremony that can include your father, as long as you are ready for it! I think it could be a very neat experience to have two separate ceremonies, one that is small and intimate, and one that is larger!
Post # 8
I’m sorry about your situation **BIG HUGS**
Do you mind me asking why your dad won’t be able to make it to your wedding? Is it money, distance, illness? Of course, you don’t have to divulge this information publicly on WB if you’re not comfortable, I’m just really curious.
I think you would be a wonderful daughter if you choose to include your dad in a more private ceremony next week. It would seriously tear me apart knowing my dad lived with regret for not having attended my wedding… I personally wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
I saw an episode of Say Yes to the Dress recently where the bride and groom had a very private family ceremony months before the actual wedding because her mother was dying of pancreatic cancer (and yes I was bawling watching it). The doctors told the family that her mother would probably not make it to the wedding date, and she didn’t. But because they decided to do a private ceremony, she has photos and memories of her mother at their marriage ceremony (her mom looked SO HAPPY). Just something for you to contemplate… I’m not sure what your situation with your dad is exactly. Best of luck to you! 🙂