needing some kind words

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@keetcha:  I think you really need to sit down with him and have a serious conversation about the issue. Is he just being frugal or is he having second thoughts about getting engaged? The fact that he does not seem as interested or involved in it raises some flags for me…

Post # 4
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I notice you said you’re not rich, but not poor either… but are you two in a financial position to spend that kind of money.  Is he worried about the money?  You also mentioned taking out a loan for it?  If you don’t have 3k to spare on a ring, is a loan for a ring the best idea?  I can sort of see why he would be worried.  It is a luxury purchase.. it should be easily affordable and not hinder any other goals imo, maybe he feels the same?

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

So, are you engaged?

If you are, there needs to be a convo about why you’re not moving forward with buying the ring and announcing it!

 

Post # 6
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

How long has it been since you have started talking about it? (Not trying to get your hopes up or anything) but could it maybe be possible that he is putting on an act that he doesn’t care so you don’t get suspicious if he was actually saving up or planning to purchase it soon? 

I see that you are getting a Moissanite (I have one it’s a great choice and very price friendly) I’m not sure where you are purchasing it from and I haven’t heard of any retail stores besides local shops that carry moissy. When DH was picking out my ring he put one on lay-away and worked out a payment plan (it isn’t my ring now we cancelled the lay-away) but is a payment plan possible? I guess that would be similar to a loan though. 

I’m just throwing out ideas to try and help but DH actually proposed to me with a temporary ring while he saved up. (He asked me when we first started talking about getting engaged if a temporary ring was an option while he saved up for one) that way we still got engaged but I just got my real ring later. But some girls want the ring he proposes with to be their forever ring and thats perfectly fine. 

I think the real issue here is that you need to sit down with him and see if the issue is really financial or if he really wants to get engaged/married. It may be an issue if he’s not ready. 

well, regulardless of what it is, I hope everything works out for you! 

Post # 9
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

He sounds like a cheapskate. For people who have been together for a while, and make decent money, $3,000 shouldn’t be a bank breaker. Especially since he knows how much it means to you. Is he like this with other things you want?

I wouldn’t go down the financing route… buying anything on debt except for a house isn’t wise IMO. I don’t think the money itself is an issue here.

Post # 11
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@keetcha:  Phew! I’m glad to hear he’s on board with getting married! It sounds like he’s just being very frugal with money. I completely agree with canarydiamond that this isn’t really a bank breaker. It’s an investment in your relationship with each other and if this ring is important to you you deserve to have it (especially when you’ve been waiting so long)! 

Post # 12
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@keetcha:  what you can do is ask him to open a savings account specifically for the ring. Also ask him to set up an automatic monthly or bi-weekly transfer from his regular account and into the ring account. This can be set up to coincide with his pay dates. If you’re contributing towards the ring then you can set up auto payments too. Make sure that the monthly/bi-weekly transfers are for an amount that you are both financially comfortable with. This method allows you to save up for something, for a fixed amount of time, without going into debt or paying interest. Also you’ll now have a timeline instead of ‘sometime soon’. Best of luck!

Post # 13
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@keetcha:  Assuming you both could afford the rent on your own, then it sounds like just by not paying rent every other month, you two should easily be able to save at least 1200 a month.  I’d be pretty upset he can spend and spend on himself and can’t save up a little for the ring.  It sounds like there are overall financial issues to even discuss and work out before getting engaged though imo.  Sounds like you have your head on straight and realize what needs to be done financially, while he’s still just pissing his money away.  This would be a huge problem for me, and I wouldn’t even want to get engaged until he could man up to taking proper care of his finances.

Post # 14
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hmmm, I can kind of understand. Except we didn’t have the money to get engaged for YEARS! We got engaged at 8 and a half years together, will get married on the 10th anniversary! I’ll be thirty! 🙂

FI ended up putting himself in debt to get my ring (he’s nearly paid it off), but he was a very naughty boy to do so. I also don’t recommend that. The good thing is he has a good paying job and has nearly wiped the debt. But we were students for FAR too long and we’re still catching up!

Like other posters said, I would have a serious talk with him. If you’re going to marry him, you’ll need to be able to sit down with each other and communicate. Maybe it is just that he’s not used to saving? You need to find out. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors