- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
I am going to go anon for this even though I don’t post as often as I would like, I still want to somewhat protect my ID.
DH and I got into an argument this past week that has really left me pretty shaken. We have been married for about a year, and it has been good during the best of times and really bad during the worst. I cannot say that either of us are extremely happy and here is why. DH has major depression, and could even be borderline bipolar. His mood can change within the minute, and he can go from fun loving, to completely withdrawn in a matter of a few seconds. I knew when we married that he had depression, but he really spiraled about 3 months into our marriage into a very dark place.
He loves me, which I have never questioned. But I don’t know if I have enough strength to see this marriage through his dark times. During the argument, some VERY ugly things we said by him. I am a pretty shy, non confrontational type of person who really goes out of my way to appease people. He said that I instigate every argument, that I make him irrationally angry that most of the time I am being a stupid fucking asshole ( when we argue). By arguing, I asked him what was wrong, or I asked him to help me with the laundry. By me asking him at the wrong time, I am now instigating an argument.
I will leave the bulk of what was said out, but it came down to his telling me that he expected certain things out of me as a wife. He expects his laundry to be done. He expects his meals to be made, and if I do not feel like cooking, there should be something in the hutch for him to eat easily. He expects his shirts to be pressed for the week, because it is a “perk” of being married.
Also during this argument- he became very angry and picked up a decorative glass bowl, that was a wedding gift ironically, and acted like he was going to throw it. He didn’t, and he set it back down.
I am very torn because this depression has taken this man I love and turned him into a tyrant, and there is nothing I can do about it. He is seeking help, takes his medication regularly, and genuinely wants his life back. He has told me repeatedly how unhappy he is with his life. He is unhappy with how our marriage is turning out and he feels that he best left alone in this world. It breaks my heart, because I love him and our life so much, but I am afraid that he may be right.
Has anyone ever stayed with a spouse who has a serious mental disease? That is why I am posting this. I know there are plenty of people who have not, and I completely understand why. I wanted to know if there is someone who has stayed?