Needing to downsize, any experience?

posted 5 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think downsizing depends on the circumstances. When there’s illness, a job loss, something huge and unpredictable that can financially break you, of course, write everyone a nice note telling them that the plans have changed. People will understand. However, getting cold feet on the whole ‘big wedding’ thing or being irresponsible in the budgeting stages, well, I’d be less sympathetic.

If I were an extended family member, and I heard that the bride and groom didn’t want to invite me anymore because they never wanted me to come in the first place and now to save themselves some money I’m out the several hundred dollars I already spent to come to this wedding, I think it’s safe to say you’d be off my Christmas card list. That’s me though.

Post # 4
1495 posts
Bumble bee

I hope you realize that by uninviting your FI’s side will only harm the poor relationship you already have with them, and will not help their opinion of you. 

You could move the ceremony up earlier in the day and have a cake and punch reception, and leave everyone on the guest list. 

Post # 7
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Your wedding isn’t for 7 months. You’re not uninviting them if invites haven’t gone out yet.

Did save the dates go out? 

Post # 9
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

bellaT2017 :  damn. Well then. I’m sorry to tell you: if you are just scaling back, it is considered super rude. 

Post # 10
45386 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bellaT2017 :  Unforunately, the reality is that yes, you should have planned the wedding you could afford. Or, at least the wedding for which you had cash in hand. No donation should be counted until the check has cleared and it is in your bank account. I’m sure that no couple expects their parents to back out of a commitment but you certainly aren’t the first to go through this and you won’t be the last.

I think most family will be understanding. Write a heartfelt personal note (and no, an email, Facebook message etc will not do) with your explanation and apology.

Post # 12
5094 posts
Bee Keeper


Post # 14
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

How many people are you looking to “uninvite”? Have any of them given any indication that they will come or not? If I were you, I’d just hope that most RSVP no, otherwise use your savings to pay for them. You’re lucky to have savings or else you’d be going into debt.

Leave a comment

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors