Needing to downsize, any experience?

posted 2 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think downsizing depends on the circumstances. When there’s illness, a job loss, something huge and unpredictable that can financially break you, of course, write everyone a nice note telling them that the plans have changed. People will understand. However, getting cold feet on the whole ‘big wedding’ thing or being irresponsible in the budgeting stages, well, I’d be less sympathetic.

If I were an extended family member, and I heard that the bride and groom didn’t want to invite me anymore because they never wanted me to come in the first place and now to save themselves some money I’m out the several hundred dollars I already spent to come to this wedding, I think it’s safe to say you’d be off my Christmas card list. That’s me though.

Post # 4
Member
926 posts
Busy bee

I hope you realize that by uninviting your FI’s side will only harm the poor relationship you already have with them, and will not help their opinion of you. 

You could move the ceremony up earlier in the day and have a cake and punch reception, and leave everyone on the guest list. 

Post # 7
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee

Your wedding isn’t for 7 months. You’re not uninviting them if invites haven’t gone out yet.

Did save the dates go out? 

Post # 10
Member
43300 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bellaT2017 :  Unforunately, the reality is that yes, you should have planned the wedding you could afford. Or, at least the wedding for which you had cash in hand. No donation should be counted until the check has cleared and it is in your bank account. I’m sure that no couple expects their parents to back out of a commitment but you certainly aren’t the first to go through this and you won’t be the last.

I think most family will be understanding. Write a heartfelt personal note (and no, an email, Facebook message etc will not do) with your explanation and apology.

Post # 14
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

How many people are you looking to “uninvite”? Have any of them given any indication that they will come or not? If I were you, I’d just hope that most RSVP no, otherwise use your savings to pay for them. You’re lucky to have savings or else you’d be going into debt.

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