Post # 1
Does your man’s attitude towards you change when his parents are around or when they leave?
I’ve noticed recently how my man’s attitude towards me changes when his parents leave to go back home after visits…he gets really pissy and acts like he would have rather gone home with them.
Post # 3
Is he really close to his parents? Maybe he’s just acting out because he knows he’ll miss them. How about how you get along with his parents? Any friction between you and them?
Post # 4
Yeah, I have the same questions. Also, what are the circumstances around moving from home? Did he have to move for a job? Did he think he wanted to get away and spread his wings, but now is having second thoughts? Did he move for you? How is his attitude around you, while they are there? When something else goes wrong does he get a siilar attitude? (Favorite sports team gets knocked out of the playoffs, something goes wrong at work, loses a bet.)
My first inclination is that he’s just upset when they leave. I live away from home. While I can’t say that I get pissy with my husband, I can relate to feeling bummed when a visit is over.
Post # 5
Is he really close to his parents?
Yes, they are really close; they talk all the time.
How about how you get along with his parents? Any friction between you and them?
Yes. Her attitude has changed greatly towards me since becoming engaged. According to her, I can’t do anything right, stuff like that but I remain polite towards her and try to keep the peace.
Also, what are the circumstances around moving from home? Did he have to move for a job? Did he think he wanted to get away and spread his wings, but now is having second thoughts? Did he move for you?
Yes, they are really close; they talk all the time. He moved to attend school and that was over 10 years ago and no he didn’t move for me.
How is his attitude around you, while they are there? When something else goes wrong does he get a similar attitude?
I become a major third wheel and he doesn’t seem to have a similar attitude any other time.
Post # 6
The fact that you become the third wheel is not good. I firmly believe that when you decide you are marrying someone, that person becomes more important than the people around you. They don’t become second status. They become first. Because while your parents were there for you for the first half of your life, your FI is there for the rest of it. I think parents should respect that. It’s not that they become "less important"…it’s that your FI just becomes first. I dunno, there’s a way that my mom phrases that. I actually didn’t notice how "important" i’d become until we GOT engaged.
You shoudln’t have to settle for being the third wheel. Have a chat with your FI and tell him that you notice that he changes when his parents are in town and that he doesn’t treat you as sweetly as he normally does and why? While they may not see each other very often, you don’t want to feel like you are on the back burner, etiher. Ask him why he’s so crabby afterwards too. Maybe he’s just bummed or melancholy and needs a little space. But it comes across as pissy whether or not he means it to. They don’t notice when they act like that sometimes. My FI can get real short/pissy with me when he’s moody and if I call him on it, I tell him i’ll talk to him later when he’s not going to be so rude towards me. Then he calls back later and usually apologizes and says he’s not real sure why he’s in a weird mood. Men get PMSy too sometimes.
Post # 7
I definitely agree with ejs4y8. You need to sit down and discuss this because he should be excited to be having you be part of the family, not wishing he was leaving you to be with them. It could be something else, but either way you should sit down and discuss his attitude in a gentle way and let him know what how he is acting is upsetting you.
Post # 8
We talked about it the day of and he didn’t realize he was putting off that vibe and didn’t really want to go home with the parents. I figured surely I couldn’t be the only one!!
Thanks for your input ladies!