Post # 1
Let me first start off by saying that I was raised in a very religious family. To my entire family, if your relationship is good and pure then your fiance will ask for permission and you will get married by a pastor in front of God and family. This is by no means discounting anyone else’s beliefs. This is just how my family has raised me. My fiance’s family is much different. He will be the first ever to have a wedding. His mother bought her own engagement ring and they just went to the courthouse. That’s fine to me. I know a lot of young couples who got married at the courthouse. I’m not passing judgement at all.
With that being said, as soon as I started talking about wedding plans his mother began telling me how much of a waste of money it is. I just took it good humoredly and said “Yes, but a wedding is very important to me.” I thought the issue would go away and she would just be happy (Especially since I’m paying for the entire thing by myself and have asked for no contributions). But she does it EVERY time I say anything wedding related. My fiance was asking how the wedding was going and I let him know that I had just finished paying off the photographer. That was all it took and she began telling me how a photographer is a waste of money and how a courthouse wedding should be ‘good enough for me’.
I understand that some people don’t feel the need for a wedding; however, why does she feel the need to belittle my wishes? Why is it hurting her? It’s really hurting me and I don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
She’s jealous. Or she’s just mean. Ignore her. There’s really not much else to do.
Post # 4
Ask your fiance to speak up for you. He should ask his mother not to make you feel bad. What does he say about all this?
Post # 5
Your fiancé should say something in my opinion. He doesn’t have to be rude or anything, just say hey, this is what she wants, leave I alone or something. That’s very unfair of her! Try to ignore it!
Post # 6
I agree that your fiance should talk to her. If you’re paying for it and planning it, why should it matter to her? It sounds like she might be a little jealous.
My FMIL is the opposite- we’re eloping and she wants a wedding. If you would like to trade MIL’s for awhile, we might all be happy!
Post # 7
When I talked to my fiance about it he said “well that’s just the way she thinks. Don’t let it bother you”. But after hearing his mom for 3 months non stop, he’s starting to talk a little like her. According to him, I don’t need food at my wedding or flowers. 🙁
Post # 8
I dont think she is jealous but your type of wedding is something she doesnt value/think its wasteful and its her being rude by constantly talking about it is what would annoy me. Its perfectly ok to have different opinions but not ok to constantly try to convince you that her way is better
As she seems so free to give you her opinion i think its time for you to start speaking up for yourself! Next time shut her down with “Yes you have stated this before but it means a lot to me so we are planning the wedding we want”. Time to put momma in her place
On a side note, this rarely gets any better after marriage so if youre having mommy/FI issues now, expect it to continue when you are married and ask yourself, do you really want a 3rd person in your relationship? I think you and your FI need to talk and agree on where the boundries are
Post # 9
@LuckyBamaBride: Simply do NOT talk wedding plans in front of her. For what it’s worth I’ve gotten my fair share of “If it were ME I’d just do it in the backyard…” “If you weren’t having it THERE you would be able to invite a lot more people.” The list goes on. You gotta learn how to let this shit roll of your back. Don’t play into ti… If she makes a comment, don’t even address it! Ignore it, change the subject. Fingers crossed she will get the hint. If it persists and really bugs you, your FI needs to step up and tell her to knock it off. “Mom, it really upsets LuckyBamaBride when you say these things, so please stop.”
Post # 10
She’s jealous, if she doesn’t want to be positive and supportive I wouldnt even mention it to her anymore she doesn’t deserve to know and she is only going to continue to be negative. Sorry your going through this stay positive and dont even discuss it with her, 🙂
Post # 11
Some people believe that whatever choice THEY make is the right one and thus others are somewhat foolish (or worse) for doing differently. It can happen with your wedding choices, religious beliefs, politics, child rearing, and even whether you call it soda/pop/coke. Next time she says something, tell her it is hurting your feelings–she has made her opinion known already so further comments are just hurtful and not productive as you are running your own life and your FI is in agreement with you…then your FI needs to back you up.
Post # 12
@ssttpp: I agree. Turn off your ears around her.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2012 - The Old Field Club
Honestly, I’d just stop talking about the wedding in front of her, period. And if you are with her and she brings it up just say “its a good thing you aren’t paying for it, then!” (sweetly obviously).
if that doesn’t shut her up, its time to talk to your FI and make him realize her comments are hurtful and unnecessary- he should be sticking up for you
Post # 14
My concern isn’t about her, but about FI starting to talk like her. If you’re discovering that he sounding more like her – how’s that going to be years down the line? Not to mention … why is it that you are the only one paying for the wedding? What about his contribution? If you guys aren’t on the same page now, what other differences in family views are going to come up in the future?
Post # 15
@Shlieka: I’m the only one paying because my FI and I both decided mutually that he would focus on the current bills (rent and utilities) and I would focus on the wedding. I actually enjoy the freedom of it because I can get what I want and not really compromise too much. I’m not going extravagant at all, but I don’t like to feel that I’m having to skip the things I really want. I’m only have 30 geusts and only one bridesmaid so it hasn’t been a stressful planning process or anything.
I think FI is thinking that way after hearing his mom constantly talking. Like “All that money of flowers is a waste of money! They’ll just die within a week and what do you have to show for it?” He first started replying “But that’s what she wants”. But now I’m starting to hear “Maybe you don’t really need flowers at the table. Just your bouquet and that’s it?”
Post # 16
Jeez, with a small wedding like that, you really couldn’t even possibly be spending a lot of money. I agree with PP, don’t even talk about it. Its funny, most FMILs want the big wedding. I will probably be haveing the same problem in a bit: my mother will want a back yard event, and my FMIL will want the Ritz. Sigh.