Negative reactions from my family re: our elopement

posted 3 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m going to try to say this without upsetting you, but the reality is that you (you and your husband/fiance/whatever) lied to your families, and you’re now planning a “wedding” ceremony with all of the pretty princess details (and expenses, not to mention costs for them like actually attending, gifts, etc) for an event that has already happened.  Of course they’re angry, they feel lied to (because they were) and now probably confused because you’re planning an event that has already taken place.  I’m sure they are happy for you but the situation is likely making it difficult for them to show that.  Give them time to process it all and I’m sure they’ll come around.  As for the religious revival thing, I’m an atheist and I wouldn’t really understand it if I were a family member or friend of yours but to each their own!   

Post # 3
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

rplusa:  I’m sorry, but their feelings really are justified. You lied. You lied about something really huge.

Proverbs 12:22 “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.” Lying is all over the bible, and not in a good way!

How would you feel if someone you loved lied to you about something like this? You got married – you made a commitment to your husband and God and kept it from them. Keeping that secret is wrong in my books.

Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

the lying wasn’t the best idea. but I fail to see how someone can be so offended by how you chose to marry your spouse. It’s not really their business to feel “betrayed” by an elopement. Only by the lie

Post # 5
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Well problem number is one is that you lied.

”  I willfully told my family and friends on Facebook that I was “engaged” even though I knew I was married.”

I think they are absolutely right for being angry with you however they should just forgive you.

Think of it this way. How would you feel if your daughter lied to you and didn’t tell you she got married? You would probbaly feel betrayed and devastated. Their feelings are probably so hurt right now thay they weren’t involved or notifed, and in fact LIED to about it. YOU are annoyed with THEM?!

With that said, if you truly apologized they should forgive you by now. You didn’t murder anyone.

Post # 6
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

rplusa:  I am really glad you and your husband found God and are joyful in him. I am not sure what church you attend but I feel the need to point something out to you. I am an Orthodox Christian. I know you felt the need to get married because you wanted to do right by God but you haven’t actually done that. I am not preaching or anything here, just wanted to point out that getting married in a court house doesn’t mean you’re married in the eyes of God (in my faith anyway). You need to get married in a church in order to be married in the eyes of God.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  GirlFromOz.
Post # 7
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

I’ve been married 26 (and a half) years.  I really am not going to be judgmental.  How and when you get married is really up to the two of you.

So, the first thing that I have to say is CONGRATULATIONS!  It makes a wonderful change on this site to say this to someone whose marriage has been much more spontaneous than massively pre-planned.  I’m sure that God is celebrating too. 

The second thing that I have to say is that you may have to give your family, particularly your close family, time to come round to the idea of you being married.  They weren’t expecting this.  They may have to come to terms with the fact that they weren’t present at the actual marriage ceremony.  They may face the prospect of having to explain the situation to their friends and acquaintances.  They (and you) may even be the subject of gossip.  Please note that I don’t recommend lying but I know that you have apologized.

There will, of course, be a lot of people who envy you both for your decisiveness and commitment and sheer delight in each other.  And it’s going to be such a good story to tell when you’re both old and grey.  All the young folk will appreciate how young and adventurous the two of you were (and are). 

Enjoy planning your celebration and enjoy being married.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

 

Baybeejulia:  

I don’t agree.  I think that you can get married in a courthouse or in a church and it can still be a Christian marriage.  It is what is in people’s hearts and minds when they do it that counts and how they live their lives afterwards.  

During slavery in the US people jumped over a broom.  Did the fact that they weren’t married in a church stop them being married in the eyes of God?

I just think God knows whether we are married or not.  He knows what is in our hearts and minds.  He doesn’t sit on a cloud somewhere asking for a particular certificate.   He delights in what we are.

Post # 9
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

 

MOHlookingForIdeas:  

I’m 52 and I’ve lied quite a few times in my life.  I will bear Proverbs in mind.

If my daughter married without telling me and then lied about it I would be upset but I would forgive her.  I would hope that she had married the most marvelous man who would love her for the rest her life and beyond. If this was the case then I would rather that the elopement occurred rather than no marriage at all, and I would rather that she married the special man quickly and impulsively rather than a less special man with all the planning in the world. 

Post # 10
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

 

MrsTywinLannister:  

I think that a quick, private, yet meaningful marriage ceremony with a small number of witnesses followed at a later date by a celebratory party with families and friends is a really great idea.

The best of both worlds.

 

Post # 11
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

 rplusa:  I forgot to say – congratulations and welcome on becoming a Christian.

Jesus is wonderful and he loves you.  The truth and light.  Hurrah.

Post # 12
Member
1216 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

rplusa:  I am sorry if this sounds a little harsh here, but you decided you needed to get right with God so you got married, but then lied to your family (which lying is a sin, and not honoring your parents is a sin)?

When you told them you were engaged this was probably really exciting for them, and they thought they’d get to be there for you getting married, and now they have lost all of that. Of course they are upset.

Post # 13
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Everyone,

This person is a new Christian.  A NEW CHRISTIAN!!!  I repeat, A NEW CHRISTIAN!!! 

A NEW CHRISTIAN WHO HAS MARRIED ANOTHER CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW ABOUT SOME CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

 

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