Negative/Judgmental Comments about Waiting

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@mscuppycake:  No one has made comments about ME waiting. Our friends don’t understand what HE is waiting for though.

Post # 4
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Definitely. I heard it all when I was waiting! He obviously doesn’t love me enough, he doesn’t want to marry me, I’m not good enough for him, he’s stringing me along, he will never propose, I’m wasting my time, etc. The big ones to me were the whenever someone would say something like “he’s telling you what you want to hear so that you stick around”, for many reasons that one always stuck in my head and really stung.

Turned out that his reasons for not proposing yet were all related to other things and completely, totally made sense when we actually talked about it.

 

The funny thing is that the people who are close to both of us and the people who know us best NEVER said anything negative. They said after we got engaged that they would wonder when it was going to happen but they knew it was going to happen, knew how much he loves me and how great we are together. It was always people who don’t know us well or who don’t know our whole story that had anything bad to say throughout the “waiting period”.

You have to remember that only YOU know the full story and take what people say with a grain of salt.

Post # 5
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

It’s always strangers or aquaintances and those for some reason are the ones that hurt the most. 

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I get comments all the time. Not so much anymore, but it used to happen all of the time, ESPECIALLY right after I moved into my own apartment.

I used to get that he was just using me and he was never going to get me a ring if he was getting the milk for free, etc. I learned that you just have to ignore the comments and realize how much your SO loves and cares for you.

Post # 7
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I get a lil teasing but not harsh like last week I was telling my friends that I wouldn’t be able to make a cruise since SO & I are saving for ring (him-refuses any offers of help he see it as a gift) wedding, moving when we are married, my schooling (me mostly) ,etc. Two of my friends who are like sisters to me knew we went ring shoppign and are very supportive and happy. I didnt mention the ring or wedding out loud because others who were there didn’t know. However my comment caught there attention on the movign part and i told them not right now closer to when I married and the comment I got was “Lol it’s about time ya’ll only been together for how many decades now??” we all laughed and i said ” don’t be over dramatic its goin on 8 years and before then we weren’t ready” they cracked some more but nothing hurtful. My SO brother has been with his gf atleast 13 years.. and I’m guilty of cracking at it too. However not to her cuz it would hurt her cuz everyone knows she’s hungry for a ring. What some might take as a joke like i did others won’t like my SO’s FSIL??? We want them to go first getting married but if they dun’t figure things out before the time my SO set to want to be married might make thigns a bit uncomfortable for my FBIL.  

Post # 8
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Um…nope. What are they saying? 

Post # 9
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@mscuppycake:  I’ve gotten so many (We’ve been together almost 8 years)

“Why would he buy the cow when he’s getting the milk for free?”

-Nevermind the sexual assumptions there, but thanks for calling me a cow…

“If he wanted to marry you he would have done it by now”

-This one really hurts no matter how illogical it is.

“Don’t worry your turn will come!”

-This was irritating because it was said to me as I congratulated an aquaintence on HER engagement. Said nothing about me, just literally “Congrats! I’m so happy for you!” I wasn’t happy that she assumed I MUST be jealous of her and just PINING for my *turn* … bleh

This next one I only overheard a frenemy say to a random guy in the bar:

“She’s been in a relationship longer than all of us and we’re getting married!”

-My entire circle/group of female friends are engaged/married. I don’t know if this was supposed to be a good or bad thing but it made me feel bad.

Anyone who knows our relationship doesn’t say these things. They know we’ll be engaged when the time is right.

Post # 10
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@mscuppycake:  Oh! And even though I know they mean it in a joking way, my friends like to say things like:

“Your rock will have to be huge!”

“The longer he waits the bigger the ring has to be!”

“Your will have to be the size of all of our carat weights combined or I’ll be disappointed!”

These aren’t exactly hurtful, since I know they are meant in jest, but it makes me feel like I can’t have just a normal engagement ring like everyone else or it means he loves me less or something. Ugh

Post # 11
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

@mscuppycake:  I let them know that it’s not their business and that they can’t judge my relationship because they aren’t in it and have no clue what’s really going on. I also ask them if they think that I think so little of myself that I’d stick around with a guy who isn’t serious about me Or doesn’t love me. people really need to mind their own business and worry about their own lives instead of being so concerned with the lives of others.

Post # 12
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mscuppycake:  I had to endure a lot of negative comments during the waiting period (we got engaged after 6 years of dating). Eventually, I just stopped entertaining conversation with others about when we might become engaged or married. Just don’t respond at all. They’ll get the hint. Every relationship is different and it is absolutely worth the wait for your SO to be ready for marriage.

Post # 13
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@mscuppycake:  oh geez, too many to remember. 11 years dating… need I say more? We only had a 2 week engagement though.

Post # 14
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

We haven’t even been together a year and we (or *I*) get comments. Almost all of them have to do with my age. I’m 34 and people like to “joke” about how we have to get married/start having babies NOW before I’m too old.

Yeah. Thanks. That makes me feel really, really good. *coughgofuckyourselfcough*

Post # 15
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MexiPino:  what assholes.

@mscuppycake:  People typically only make comments like that to me once, get put in their place, and are very respectful moving forward. I suggest you try the same approach.

Post # 16
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I had (emphasis on the word HAD) a friend who would make little “tsk tsk” type comments about if he wants to keep me he’d better propose soon.  That was irritating as heck, considering her husband is an annoying controlling SOB.

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