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Nothing to be nervous about!
No, you don't "need" anything. Just respect, as in any church.
If they have usher's, it'll be just like any other church wedding. If not, sit anywhere you please.
Yes, there will be some sort of hymn books.
I'm not sure about all catholic parishes, but in my family's church, anyone can go up for a blessing. My mom does and she's not catholic (or any denomination for that matter) If you're not comfortable, just let other's pass by.
I'm not sure how to explain a catholic service exactly, but my DH described it as "a tighter schedule with the congregation acting as drones." Poor guy.
I'd give it under 2 hours for a full service.
Honestly, I'd try and keep the kiddies quiet. Even during hymns, I've seen parents taking their kids out if they get fussy.
You don't need to do anything special. Plus most Catholic Churches require weddings to have a program so more than likely you'll be able to easily follow along. I had Southern Baptists and Jews attend my Catholic wedding and everything seemed to go just fine. Nothing to be worried about but to answer your questions...
Do I need to do anything when I enter the church? No.
Should we sit somewhere specific? No, unless you want to sit on Bride/Groom side.
Are there hymnal books like in Christian weddings? We didn't use any, I've only been to one that did and it was pretty easy to figure out.
I know that I stay in my seat during comunion, but do I just make people squeeze past me or should I move to the aisle? Just sit there and let others do the work if they have communion.
What is the service like? Depends on what they do. Check out this link for more info: catholicweddinghelp.com/
How long does it last? Mine was about 1/2 an hour (we had a ceremony outside of mass) but for a full mass I'd say a little over an hour. Longest one I've been to was an hour and a half.
Don't be nervous!! We normally dip our fingers in holy water and do the sign of the cross upon entering, then before sitting in a pew kind of take a bow (like a guy proposing) and do the sign of the cross - but not everyone does it an no one will notice if you don't. There are books for you to follow along. You mentioned you have kids... if they are really small (like under age 2) I would sit towards the back so if they start making noise you don't feel uncomfortable but there will be music so it won't be quiet the whole time lol. As far as people squeezing by you should be okay because the aisles are normally wide enough since all of the pews have kneelers. The mass will last about an hour. But don't sweat it you won't be the only non-Catholic there and no one will even be watching, just follow the front to know when to sit, stand, and kneel.
No need to be worried! But I can imagine how it would be intimidating.
-Catholics bless themselves with holy water when the enter, and genuflect (make sign of the cross, combo of bow/kneel) when they first enter their pews- since you're not Catholic, you don't have to worry about it. No one would be offended.
-Generally, the guests of the groom sit on the right, and guests of the bride sits on the left. Same set-up as non-religious weddings.
-There are books in the pews, but they generally aren't used during weddings. People just go off of the program... and no one other than the cantor usually ends up singing anyway...
-It would be nice if you could move out into the aisle to let people get out.
-Wedding serivce is 30-45 minutes, without communion, a little over 45 mins with. It's long and dry (lots of readings) and you probably won't know much about what is going on. Hopefully there will be a priest holding the mass that has a sense of humor and is engaging when he speaks about the couple.
-Your kids definitely definitely have to stay quiet throughout the entire ceremony. How many kids you have? Will there be any other adults attending with you? If so, I'd suggest sitting more towards the back so if a kid starts fussing someone can take him/her outside without causing a fuss. The other kids can stay inside with whomever else you're attending with.
-Other: sit and stand when everyone else does. Just follow the crowd. Since you're not Catholic, I'm not sure if you need to kneel... anyone know? Also, at some point the priest will say "Let us offer those around you a sign of peace" (or something like that). At this point, everyone will turn to eachother and shake hands with those around them and say "peace be with you". Since it's a wedding, I assume there are a lot of families in attendance- so tehre will probably be a lot of leaning over eachother for hugs/kisses/etc. If you're okay with doing so, it would be a nice gesture to shake hands with those around you and also say "Peace be with you".
Good luck!
Thank you both for your quick responses!
@CherryWaves: TWO HOURS? Wow. I will definitely be taking my kids outside, if so. lol
the PPs said it very well but also remember you will definitely not be the only non-Catholic there, and almost certainly not the only person there who is unfamiliar which Catholic churches and services. So don't worry about not knowing what's going on! You won't be the only one, and no one is watching or judging.
I would bring some coloring books or quiet toys for your children and try and keep them quiet. They were invited so no one should be upset if they make a little noise (I think kids who keep perfectly quiet during church are pretty unusual!) but out of respect it's good to try and keep them quiet, and quiet distractions go a long way! :)
I'm catholic but DH isn't, his best advice is to follow what everyone else does when it's time to sit, stand, kneel. Usually the priest will tell you at weddings since there are so many non-Catholics who can attend. You don't have to do anything when you enter the church, there's holy water available to dip your right hand into to make the sign of the cross but DH skips that. Taking off hats/spitting out gum is appropriate though. You can sit where ever you'd like to, but closer to the front of the church since I've never seen so many guests at a wedding fill up an entire church. It will last about 30 minutes to an hour (closer to 30 if they choose not to have communion). It will start out with the priest greeting everyone and talking about the couple, then there will be 2 readings (if the bride and groom have programs, you can follow along with the wording) and then a sermon, the vows, the blessing of the rings and then it will either be over or there will be communion. If there is communion then stepping out of the aisle is nicer than having everyone scoot past you. Your kids will probably have to be quiet the whole time so coloring books make it easier.
I hope that helps!
@farmergirl: I will definitely keep them quiet or take them outside. They are good kids, thankfully. Are coloring books allowed? I assumed entertainment for them would be totally sacreligious. lol. What about water and/or neat snacks?
I will second what everyone else said and add that they recently changed some of the traditional responses in the Catholic Mass so even some of the Catholics may be confused!
As others have said, just follow the crowd. You are not obligated to kneel but you totally can. Depending on how many non-Catholics are at the wedding they may even out-line everything in the program.
It is not uncommon for parents to bring cheerios or coloring books for their childer to quietly keep them occupied. Some churched have a "cry-room" for babies but that varies.
Good luck! Have fun! It won't be too bad at all!
I see coloring books in church all the time! :) Some people bring Cheerios, etc - since it is a wedding, I don't know, but it's common in general Catholic mass. It depends on what you think will keep your children quiet, and how much noise the distraction itself will make - if you have to bring snacks try and bring ones that are quiet to eat and not hard to access. I think water would be fine. Sit more towards the back to be less of a distraction, but I think people will be grateful about the coloring books because you are distracting them and keeping them quiet.
Ha! I was posting as you were. But water (in a sippy cup or water bottle) should be fine too.
Catholics are supposed to fast an hour before communion, but since small children and non-Catholics do not recieve it, there is no issue with that.
You guys are awesome. Thank you so much. Just knowing a bit about the process really helps me be not so nervous. I'll carry my giant coach bag filled with coloring books, stickers, a water thermos and unwrapped, non-crunchy snacks. lol. I'll also sit somewhere that I can make a quick exit.
If I need to leave mid-ceremony, do I walk down the main aisle or can I leave for the side?
@Lulusmom: I think most people gave you good advice already, but I'll add a couple things.
If you're not Catholic you're not expected to take holy water or kneel or anything. No one will think less of you- Catholics do it but if you're not familiar with it, it's totally fine to skip that stuff.
Most Catholic masses last an hour,a bit longer with a wedding- maybe an extra 15-20 minutes. I don't think it will last a full two hours, I've never seen that and I grew up Catholic with all Catholic relatives.
Coloring books and snacks are definitely fine. I would say that you'll have to keep them pretty quiet the whole time, but if it becomes a problem it's also fine to step outside for a little while.
About the Communion thing... I would say if you're sitting right in the middle of a pew surrounded by people, just stay seated. If you're right on the end and it's easy enough to just stand up and take a step over to let people pass, that would be polite.
Good luck :)
It depends on how the curch is set up but I would recommend the side if possible but everyone will be paying attention to the front of the church, so it really doesn't matter if you have to go down the middle.
Sounds like you'll be all set! If you need to leave, the side aisle would probably be less of a distraction, but I would actually choose the aisle closest to where you are sitting because a bigger distraction would be trying to squeeze past a lot of people to get out of the pew. :) There's no rules about which aisle you have to use. As long as you are respectful of what is going on (and I'm sure you will be!) you'll be fine!
You two are hilarious. I think my goal will be to pick a spot on the Bride's side that is at the far aisle. My own little corner, with an easy escape. lol
@Farmergirl, I was just about to say the same thing! :)
@Lulusmon, sounds like a plan! don't forget to have fun! :)
"Do I need to do anything when I enter the church?" Follow the ushers. Catholics genuflect toward the tabernacle for regular Masses, but typically the way the ushers work at Catholic weddings makes genuflecting cumbersome and confusing for non-Catholic guests who might try to immitate not realizing it is in reference to the honoring Christ's true presense in the blessed Sacrament.
"Should we sit somewhere specific?" Where the usher takes you. Typically you'll be asked whether you're on the bride's or grooms side.
"Are there hymnal books like in Christian weddings?" There is typically a program. How detailed that program is depends on the bride. This is the one Mass where the laity get to pick the readings.
"I know that I stay in my seat during comunion, but do I just make people squeeze past me or should I move to the aisle?" It depends on the priest and typically at weddings the priest will give instructions. It has become customary in some parishes in the US to go up in line with your arms crossed over your chest to indicate that you will not be receiving. Typically you are given a blessing, but this is just a local trend that shows up and is not a universal practice.
"What is the service like?" A Catholic Mass is composed of two parts: the Liturgy of the Word which focuses on the bible, and the Liturgy of the Eucharist which focuses on bread and wine changing into Christ's body and blood. The exchange of vows occurs between the two liturgies. So you will be sitting through prayers and bible readings before you see the couple exchange their vows. After their vows are completed, they sit back down and the second part of the Mass is celebrated. The bride and groom exchange their wedding vows pledging "I will" not "I do." They are not allowed to write their own vows. They can choose to say the entire vows or simply respond with "I will" in response to the priest or deacon's question. Different Catholic cultures may have different traditions that may occur after this. Some newer traditions, like the unity candle, tend to be discouraged. There is also no kiss, though so many couples expect there to be a kiss that priests permit them to do this.
"How long does it last?" Depends on the music. A Mass with music typically lasts an hour. Adding the nuptials can add about 20 minutes. Some priests give really long homilies, so between music, vows and a long homily, it can be 2 hours.
"Should I anticipate needing my kids to sit still and silent for the whole thing or is there a time that they can wiggle and/or make noise?" Many churches have crying rooms. When they don't, there is typically an area used every Sunday for parents' to bring their kids back to when they're acting up. Its good to bring books for your children. Its not uncommon to give kids' a bag full of cheerios to keep them quiet during the Mass. At my parish, many of the mothers with babies utilize the Moby wrap or other babywearing devices.
"Anything else I should know?" That is is perfectly ok to sit quietly and not participate in the Mass if you do not believe in what is going on. If you want to sit and stand when everyone does, just follow the lead, but these gestures are ways of including our bodies in our worship. Going through the motions is not necessary.
@twoangels: "these gestures are ways of including our bodies in our worship"
I did not know that. Thank you for telling me, because I will likely decline to participate in that case. :)
@Lulusmom: You have been given some very good advice. The only things I would add are that in Catholic churches, people traditionally dress a bit more conservatively than in some other denominations. While women haven't been expected to wear hats since my parents were young, some older Catholics and more conservative priests don't like to see bare shoulders. Of course, if you do wear something strapless, no one will refuse you entrance or say anything to you, but it is something to be aware of. On the other hand, I have seen a lot of brides/bridesmaids with strapless gowns in Catholic weddings, so even that "rule" seems a bit more relaxed than it used to be.
The other thing I wanted to mention is I noticed you compared Catholic churches to Christian churches in your first post. Catholics are Christians, and Catholicism is a subset of Christianity. The only reason I bring it up is so that you don't inadvertently say something to anyone at the church that made them think you don't consider them Christians. While some Catholics totally get that people informally call only Protestants Christians, you may run into a few that are hurt by that.
In the end, it won't be all that different that the other church weddings you have been to. I applaud you for being thoughtful enough to ask these questions before the wedding. But you will be far from the only person there who is unfamiliar with the service. Relax, have fun, and enjoy the wedding!
Just a quick post for you: I am a very new catholic and our wedding was wonderful. My husband and I had a full catholic mass (meaning just like a regular day at church) with the extra wedding vows thrown in there ;)
The reason I posted is because almost my entire family and probably 75% of our guests were not Catholic and it was a piece of cake. Everyone loved the service who was not catholic and the catholics didn't even notice not everyone was catholic. Don't worry, have your shoulders covered and your dress to your knees. You don't have to do anything when you enter the church but you will see catholic touching the holy water and making the sign of the cross. Sit where the ushers put you or wherever you like. Kneel and stand when you see the people at the front doing it (this is super simple and I remember being so worried about it, don't you will get it). Usually there is a wedding program to follow so that should be enough there are also mass guides in most churches when you sit down.
Other thigns, sit in the back with the kids. Our wedding was an hour and 15 min and my two year old nieces was taken outside once during the ceremony. We also brought her a coloring book to help keep her busy but make sure they don't color on anything else :)
I think you will think the ceremony is beautiful. My protestant family was really impressed. So much tradition and so much meaning. My family still talks about the ceremony itself being the sweetest they have ever seen. Enjoy :)
It is really thoughtful of you to consider these things before the wedding. I know I would really appreciate my guests taking the time to learn more about the ceremony before they attended. This is not common and I think you are awesome for taking the time to ask these questions. I hope my guests are as thoughtful as you are!
Thank you EVERYONE for your wonderful advice. The wedding was this past weekend and it was beautiful. I'm glad someone mentioned having my shoulders covered, because that was required.
I'm also thankful you told me to bring snacks/entertainment (I brought stickers, cheerios and water). The MOH and BM's 1.5 year old daughter was supposed to be the flower girl, but they were told 10 minutes before the ceremony started that she was too young and prohibited from walking down the aisle. So, I had a 1.5 year old, a 4 year old and a 5 year old to keep quiet during the ceremony! All three kids were SO good and after the ceremony I had several people tell me that they didn't even know they kids were in the church (even though they were only 1-2 pews in front of us. Whew.
I appreciate your help. <3
@Lulusmom: Glad it went so well! Thank you for being so courteous ahead of time. You and your kids sound great!
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I have never been in a Catholic church (and can count on one hand my visits to Christian churches). My children and I are invited to a full Catholic wedding service in two weeks and I am extremely nervous. Can someone please help me with the rudamentary rules?
Do I need to do anything when I enter the church?
Should we sit somewhere specific?
Are there hymnal books like in Christian weddings?
I know that I stay in my seat during comunion, but do I just make people squeeze past me or should I move to the aisle?
What is the service like?
How long does it last?
Should I anticipate needing my kids to sit still and silent for the whole thing or is there a time that they can wiggle and/or make noise?
Anything else I should know?