Post # 1
So this is my first post on Wedding Bee, and if I’m not doing it right, let me know!
My mother passed away in the end of January of this year after a long-time illness. I was engaged at the time, and she actually was able to help me pick out my dress, which I am extremely grateful for. Right after she passed, I wanted to elope instead of the bigger wedding I was in the process of planning, but decided against it, because she would have wanted me to do what I have always wanted.
I know that my day will be extremely emotional, however I felt I would have my moment in the morning, and perhaps be able to get through the rest of the day with minimal issues. We plan on having many tributes to her throughout the day, and I thought that would make me feel better since we are remembering her, and not worse.
I attended a friend’s wedding this past weekend, and the groom’s father passed away a month ago from cancer. When I read it on the program, I just about lost it. I can’t imagine dealing with that a month before you get married. I thought I had it bad, and here he was, walking down the aisle as planned. At one point in the ceremony, there was a tribute to his father, much like some of the things I have planned for my mother. I began sobbing, and really started to wonder how I am ever going to get through my day, when I can barely get through someone else’s.
I’m sure some of you got married without a parent, or will be getting married without a parent. Any advice as to how to cope? What did you do/will you do to help yourself enjoy the day without being sad the whole time? I’m already planning on lots of waterproof makeup, but it’s my wedding day, I should be happy, and I don’t want to ruin one of the best days of my life with sad memories. I’d rather remember my mother in happier times, as I know she would have been beyond thrilled to be there. Sorry this was a little longer than I thought. Just looking for some advice. Thanks in advance.
Post # 3
@SoccerBee86: Iam deeply sorry for your loss. i lost my grandmother about 15 years ago. and i know thats a long time but it feels like yesterday that we lost her. i lived with her and my mother all my life so this was a very different kind of grandma/granddaughter relationship. my mother has always been with me too so i grew up with 2 mothers and it breaks my heart that my grandmother will not be there the day i get married. doing a tribute to lost loved ones would be too much for me and my FH ( he lost his grandfather) he feels its a celebration not a wake. we should be happy that day and not so sad. so i bought a brooch with her initial to attach to my bouquet and i’m using the lace from her wedding dress to wrap my bouquet in. im so sorry you lost your mom. me personally i think it would be too hard the day of my wedding to do a tribute to my grandmother its been 15 years ( im tearing now just thinking about it) i would uncontrollably lose it. i love and miss her so much. theres not a day that goes by that i dont think about her.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom a year and a half ago. She knew my fiance but didn’t know he’d end up being “the one”.
I talked it over with my dad and we aren’t doing a tribute or writing “The Late Mrs. ___” on anything. It’s too sad. We want the day to be happy, not to be crying over her. Not saying we won’t miss her the entire time and wish she was there, words can’t describe how much I miss her.
I am doing little subtle things to honor her. I’m wearing her engagement ring on my right hand and putting a single sterling (purple) rose in my bouquet of pink and ivory. My father will also be wearing a sterling rose. Unless you look really closely at my jewelry, bouquet or my dad’s boutonniere, you won’t know they are for her. Do things for yourself. Whatever makes you feel comfortable to honor her.
Remember, she’s a big part of you but it’s YOUR day.
Post # 5
@SoccerBee86: I’m so sorry for your loss sweetie. DH’s dad was the only father I’ve ever known, and he passed away last November from a brain aneurysm. We were supposed to be getting married in August, but we eloped on May 3. It was hard with Kim (my father in law) not being there, but we knew he was there in spirit.
I understand the desire to have lots of tributes, but I would recommend keeping it simple. If you have TONS of pictures and other things to remind you that that your mom isn’t there, you won’t be able to quit crying. I actually sewed a piece of Kim’s firesuit (car racing) onto the inside of my dress in the shape of a heart. That way he was with me, but there weren’t visual reminders everywhere to bring up extra emotion.
You will never stop missing your mom, but it will get easier to deal with, I promise.
If you need to chat, you can always PM me. 🙂 Welcome to Weddingbee!
Post # 6
Thank you guys for the input, I definitely should reconsider some of the tributes I was going to have during the wedding.
I know I’m going to wear her wedding rings on a chain as my necklace, and I was going to put pictures on my bouquet but also of my grandparents as well. There will probably be a small blurb in the program, but I won’t be looking at that the day of, so I should be ok with that. I was going to have some pictures at the reception, but I’m thinking I may be better off without, just to help me get through the day.
Thanks again, I really wasn’t sure how to go about having a celebratory day with such a cloud hanging over it, but you’ve helped me put things in perspective a bit.