Never been engaged…

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@sburger555:  Well technically you are engaged lol.  But I say the best way to get over it is to just think of the “being engaged” part as something that is only transitional, it’s the inbetween part, the time before you become husband and wife (which is the important part).  Having a proposal and ring are awesome but in the grand scheme of things they aren’t important, they are just a stepping stone to what you are moving towards, it’s ok if you miss a couple steps as long as you get to the right ending 🙂

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d consider you as engaged. IMO, if you’re planning a wedding together, you are engaged, so congratulations! 🙂 As PP said, try to think of it as a transitional period – plus, you guys can always shop for a ring together once you’re financially ready to do so. I’m sorry you are feeling disappointed in not having the stereotypical proposal. Maybe the two of you could go out for a celebratory dinner or on a special date to commemorate being engaged? Just an idea…congratulations again!

Post # 5
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

Go ahead and pick out an inexpensive ring! It doesn’t have to cost much at all! If a formal proposal is important to you then tell your guy. My cousin proposed with a beautiful $30 ring.  

Post # 6
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@sburger555:  I agree with PP, you should pick out an inexpensive ring (there are plenty of lovely ones out there).

Some guys just need to be told what your expectations are (in a nice but firm way of course). I know plenty of ppl that just pout when someone doesn’t do something nice for them that they expect or hope for, and it never gets better unless you SAY you want something and stress how important it is to you!

Post # 7
Member
2262 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

I agree with PPs, I think you should look at etsy, o.co and berricle and see if you can find a nice, inexpensive ring. Then, talk to your SO about how you feel! 

Post # 8
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like its the actual proposal part more than the ring – pick out something special that is inexpensive, it can be anything, a simple ring, a necklace, a bracelet..it doesnt even have to be jewelry.

And then just tell him you would like for him to do something nice to create a “proposal memory” to mark this exciting period in your life. Just be straight forward and tell him it would be nice to hear the exact words “will you marry me” (or whatever words you want) and just spend a day/evening that is all about the two of you. 

He probably doesnt realize this is something you are truly missing having as an experience. 

Post # 9
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If he doesn’t believe in proposing without a ring, then I think you could respect that and you both can win. If you are disappointed you didn’t get “asked”, which I can totally see why…I think you should share that with him.

And then talk about his belief in asking wtih a ring and see what the two of you can come up with that will satisfy you both in your budget. I’ve seen PLENTY of rings on Etsy, Amazon, in dept stores, etc that are really budget friendly. If you are planning a full on wedding, then how about scaling back so you can get your ring?

Although I do consider you engaged, I do have to wonder if someone doesn’t believe in asking without a ring, why is he ok with planning a wedding, without an official proposal? I’m not judging at all…I’m just curious to know his frame of mind. I know in some circles the actual proposal isn’t that big of a deal. I was actually happy to just get my ring and be engaged, but FI was the one that wanted to officially ask me and all that jazz. So I hope I’m not coming across mean…I’m just curious to know why. 🙂

Lastly, it sounds like a ring, on some level is important to you both (him with the proposal, you with just wanting one). So, can you try to focus on that to make that happen? Maybe I need more info? If it’s important to you both, what are some things you can do to make that happen? Is that possible?

Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

hmm… I’m not trying to start issues and as long as your happy that’s all that matters but since he  hasn’t proposed  you two arent engaged. call me old fashioned/ traditional but I’m thinking in a mans world you aren’t engaged. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to but in my experiences if a man wants to propose he will find no excuses to do it and he will  proposes if and only he wants to. You can always propse to him if you arent Traditional. 

Post # 11
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Spyderlillie:  So unless the proposal is a surprise and comes with a ring, it’s not an engagement?

Post # 12
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@canarydiamond:  I think an engagement can be seen all ways: with a ring, no ring, with a surprise, no surprise. To me, it’s an intention to marry.

I think she’s suggesting that someone that has a serious intention to marry would find a way to get a ring. At least, that’s what I got from it.

@Spyderlillie:  I see your point…to an extent. I was previously engaged with no ring. We never married. I swore I would never plan another wedding again without a ring. It was a personal choice for me. But I do see being engaged as an intention that is marked by action. Sometimes the action involves a ring, sometimes it doesn’t. But I don’t feel it makes anyone less “engaged”.

But I am curious for OP to respond to my question about if her FI believes there should be a ring with a proposal then how is he ok with planning a wedding with no proposal? I want to understand where he’s coming from.

Post # 13
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes we all love the ring and the excitement but you have a man who is choosing to commit to you. You guys have already started planning a wedding (have you just set the date or actively researchingm booking venues, shopping etc?) If you are getting a dress and planning for that date and it is really only 2 months away so Yes you are enagaged just no ring or formal proposal. How about you guys go pick a cheapie ring (like under $150) and if it means that much to you he can save and replace it with a real one for an year anniversary.

Post # 14
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Spyderlillie:  But she is engaged, they have picked a date and are planning on getting married.  Once a couple decides to marry and starts to plan for married life then they are engaged.  No proprosal does not equal no engagement.  My uncle never asked my aunt to marry him, yet they were engaged and got married.  Yes a proposal is nice and everyone probably wants one but it doesn’t have to happen in order to be engaged.

Post # 15
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No a ring doesn’t have to be a surprise but clearly her bf stated that he won’t propose without on which means he hasn’t taking her off the market at claimed he as this fiancé yet. I wouldn’t assume she is engaged if she didn’t have one. I think alot of you bee’s are creating false hope I’m this woman. By implying she has to settle for an inexpensive ring. Yes it’s the gesture that counts if he doesn’t want to propose he will find any excuse not too, even picking an inexpensive ring. You can ask your male friends what their opinion is. My fiancé and I went ring shopping together and we made the best decision for us to each his/her own. But like I stated I’m traditional. I received a promise ring first then my e-ring. We obviously discussed marriage but I wasn’t pretending to be engaged or getting my hopes up waiting for a ring. We were on the same page. Obviously thus couple isn’t quite there yet. For all we know their conversations could be onesided.

Post # 16
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Read her post they picked a date because she was tired of waiting not “We”. Never pressure a Man. He’s not the one you shouldn’t have to settle or wait around for a man to decide if he wants to marry you After 7 years.

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