Post # 1
I posted yesterday about a falling out I had with my mother over the weekend regarding the wedding.
I called her this morning to apologize and let her know that although I know I could have handled the situation better, I had a “freak out” moment because I am just so stressed about the wedding. I told her that I know it’s not an excuse, but I just wanted to explain myself and my actions.
The conversation didn’t go well.
I told my mom that she really hurt me when she called me a bitch and a “bridezilla.” Her response was: “Well, you deserved it.” She then went on to say that no one wants to be involved in this wedding because I am so “self absorbed” and “selfish.” She said that her and everyone else are all just counting the days until they can be done with the wedding, and that no one wants to do anything for me because of my “attitude.”
If all this wasn’t hurtful enough, she then went on to say that her and my father don’t feel they should be contributing to this wedding because our marriage “won’t last.” She also said that she wouldn’t be surprised if my Fiance left me, and she doesn’t give our marriage six months.
I was absolutely speechless. The only words I could find to say were “I am sorry you feel that way.” She then said “Well, that’s how I feel…just being honest. Do not call me anymore…I’m busy.” and hung up on me.
I don’t even know what to do or say. I was only calling her to apologize for having my moment over the weekend about the guest list and trying to cut back. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I feel sick to my stomach and I can’t stop crying, which isn’t good for me since I am at work. I don’t know what to do. What did I do to deserve this?
Post # 3
Oh my gosh I am so sorry! (hugs)!!
The worst part is that I can relate. My parents say all kinds of rude inconsiderate things to me about how “selfish” and “inconsiderate” I am and that all I care about is money (No, I don’t, but I refuse to pay for shit for you if you don’t manage your money well. I’m sorry)
I dread my wedding planning because I know my parents will not be excited and I know they’re possibly going to pull this shit.
No one should ever have to deal with this from the people they love most (and should love them back unconditionally)
Post # 4
OMG………. first, a bear-hug to you :-(..i am so, so,so sorry………..i just wrote a post complaining of my family’s lack of enthusiasm about the wedding but it doesn’t go this far!!!!!
It’s only natural brides become obsessed with the wedding planning – my mum called me so. We want it to be perfect, not only for us but for the guests as well, right? Do u think you take it too far or was your mum completely rambling? Of course NOTHING can excuse the ton of awful things she said to you..i would be terribly hurt and i might do something crazy, like marry with just a couple of friends present. I think BEING happy is the only way to show family thay they are wrong..
Post # 5
Wow! Is that toxic?!
Is there anyway for you to plan a smaller wedding and wait until later to decide whether to even invite her or not? It may seem drastic but if she is that much against your wedding then I would think it not unreasonable. There is nothing selfish about planning one of the most important days in your life. I think that weddings should be a bride and groom surrounded by the people that love them and will help them strengthen their marriage and your mother definitely doesn’t fit that picture.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
Obviously, I don’t know anything about your overall relationship with your mom, but I can identify with this portion.
My mother is toxic. She has often called me a bitch among other things you should never say to your daughter. Long story short, I haven’t spoken to her in years, and she was not invited to my wedding. My day was so much better without having to be concerned about her.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. And the truth is, you didn’t do anything to deserve this. No one does. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not at fault for your mother’s poor judgement and callous remarks.
Post # 7
I am so sorry! we have all hit that breaking point in planning where we have a complete meltdown, it happens! – i’m sorry your mother was so hard on you. I’m not a spiteful person but this would make me just want to run off and elope…Its supposed to be a beautiful day full of love and happiness not filled with stress and bitterness. I do hope she comes around. Stay strong!
Post # 8
yeah I’ve read both posts…I would take your money, and go somewhere beautiful like Hawaii, Cali, Florida, and get marrried. Elope. I wouldn’t put up with my mother calling me a bitch, and it sounds like she meant it. That’s just abusive, and uncalled for.
Post # 9
I talked to Fiance about eloping after my conversation with my mom. We don’t know what to do since w have tons of money tied up in down payments for the wedding that we won’t get back. I just don’t know what to do.
My FI’s suggestion was to just let it blow over. My relationship with my mom has been great in the past and I even considered her like my best friend. I never thought she would ever treat me this way and I would never call her anything like that. I’m just so hurt I can’t even begin to describe it. I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same after this, and it’s all over a stupid wedding. I know my mom though, and she will never apologize.
My shower is coming up and I don’t know what to do. I was thinking about calling everyone and telling them that with everything that has happened, I feel that the shower should be postponed for now. I can’t imagine it would be a fun time for me since all this has happened. However, I do not want to upset or offend any of the guests with my decision to not have a shower.
What should I do??
Post # 10
@Annonybee123: I’m so sorry this has happened to you; I wonder what really triggered it. One freak out shouldn’t trigger something of this magnitude, and if it did…there’s other issues going on.
As for the money you have tied up in deposits…is it money your mother (parents?) agreed to contribute originally? Without their help, can you afford this? When your mother said she didn’t want to contribute anymore, that was one of my questions. If you call the vendors and explain what happened, do you think you can get money back? Is the May 2012 wedding date accurate? (With anonymous profiles, I never know!)
Post # 11
@Annonybee123: I don’t think you should postpone the shower, I think you need a fun day where you can forget about this (temporarily)! Is your mom coming to the shower?
Post # 12
@abbie017: The wedding is a couple weeks past my date listed here, so I may be able to get some $$ back. I just don’t know.
Some of the deposits are with money that my parents contributed to us, so if we lost those deposits we would have to pay it all back to my parents. Unfortunately, we are not in that kind of financial position to do so at this point in time. We would not have been able to do this without their contribution.
I originally wanted to elope with just Fiance but both families threw a fit and said they would be hurt if we did that. I didn’t even want this to begin with. That is a big reason why my parents contributed so much I think.
Post # 13
I am so, so sorry.
If you want to elope, I don’t think you should let the down payment thing stop you. Either let your parents forfeit the money or, if you can swing it, reimburse them for the down payments so that you can put the whole thing behind you. Better to have a stress-free wedding that you want than go through with a big stressful situation (and basically throw more good money after bad) because you don’t want to lose your down payments.
I am so sorry your mother is treating you this way.
Post # 14
Yikes, is it just the wedding that has turned your mom from best friend to someone who would say those kind of hurtful things to you?
Big hugs! There is a bitch in this situation, but it isn’t you.
Post # 15
@Jamie42003: I completely agree with this.
No mother should speak to her child that way, my heart breaks for you. I almost cried reading this, just from putting myself in your shoes. The way she acted is just horrible and you do NOT deserve any of it.
I agree with the elopement idea. You and your Fiance want to be married and don’t need that kind of negativity dragging you down. I would definitely give it a few days to see if your mom calls you to apologize. If she doesn’t, move on to wedding plans without her. Maybe write her a letter telling her how much she hurt you. Explain that her hurtful words and lack of faith in your relationship broke your heart.
I cannot even fathom how she can possibly defend herself and not apologize. I’m sending lots of hugs your way!
Post # 16
I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hurt you are feeling. Hopefully, your mom calms down and comes to her senses soon.