Post # 1
Hi LDR bees. My Fiance and I have been LDR our entire 3 year relationship. He proposed 3 months ago, and I siaid yes. We have known we want to be together some day.
I know based on the last two winters that I struggle the most with the LDR that time of year, we don’t see each other as often and it just seems he is busier and less attentive during that time. So I am fretting about having to cope another season.
Idk, it just feels like what are we even doing? I have a well paying job where I am, and I will not relocate for the next two years because of my child that wants to graduate fro HS here. So once my child goes off to college I can leave here – I have no other family here and am lonely.
He, conversely, loves his hometown and does not ever want to leave it. He has a lot of family there, and also friends. I don’t mind going there in 2 yrs, but it’s not likely I’ll have as good of a job there.
So I guess what’s getting me is, yes there’s a plan in place, but it is so vague. I’m engaged but without a ring for now. I’m going to be with him in 2 years I guess, but I wonder how I can go there in 2 years when I might need this job to help pay for my kids college.
I’ve just been in a rut, I’ve been sitting in my apt, over eating a d drinking wine, and fee lining like my whole relationship is just pretend, and just talk 🙁
Has any one else been this despondent? I guess I’m feeling hopeless.
Post # 3
@squishee: I’ve been in an LDR for almostg 3 years (engaged for about 2 of them) We are getting married in May and will be LDr for another year after that. I don’t have any problem with it, but we do make sure we see each other for a very long weekend, every few weeks. I think that’s the trick.
Post # 4
@squishee: I might need this job to help pay for my kids college.
Can’t your child, whom is now not really a “child” anymore… pay for his/her own college? Maybe get a partime job or get loans or grants instead of having you pay?
Post # 5
Thanks for reading you guys, I’m feeling alone right noW and it’s hard.
@happyface – definitely he will take out loans and hopefully get scholarships (he’s very smart). But having been through college myself, I know that the parents will still end up helping, and I want to- I’m ok with that and hopefully then he will be completely self sufficient after. My parents did that for me (and they had very little to share) and I want to do the same. Fiance understands that. He is ok with this LDR going for two years and the ? after my son graduates, I think I struggle, it seems like a long time. And I am worried I’m not going to make it sometimes 🙁
Post # 6
@squishee: I’m not too far out of college myself and my parents barely helped me through college. While I think it’s great that you want to help your son, at some point you need to start putting yourself first. If you want this relationship bad enough that you’re going crazy not knowing when the LDR part of it is going to end, pick an end date and stick to it. Your son will figure out how to pay for school whether or not you’re helping him, but you need to be happy, too. With any luck you’ll find a job and help him as much as you can. Sorry if I was a bit much, I just hope that you’ll do what will make you happy. I know I’d want that for my mom. 🙂
Post # 7
@simplegifts- aw thank you, and that totally makes sense. I guess I can’t stay here in this job just to be a bank for my son, right? I mean my mom used her tips from waitressing to help me (and I did not take advantage of her, knowing how hard she worked, I never got $ from her unless absolutely necessary).
I really want to go in two years but feel responsible for helping w college. What’s even sweeter is my Fiance offers to help him, and I always say no. My son has a dad that can/should (and does) do that. I just miss Fiance and want to have our life too.
I doo see him every other to every third weekend, but I cry so much every time it’s over 🙁
Post # 8
@squishee: Awe, I would definitely go if I were you. Stick it out until he graduates college and then move to be with your Fiance. It will totally be worth it. And honestly, if your Fiance really wants to help, I’d let him. I know my stepdad helped me out with university when my mom and dad couldn’t and I have so much respect for him, I can’t even tell you. That man has been amazing to my mother, me and my brother. It blows me away.
I think it’s great that you want to help your son, but there is always going to be something you could help him with. Even if he has to struggle a little bit, it will make him stronger in the end. I almost had to drop out of college my second semester because of finances and I graduated with darn near a 4.0. Knowing that it was me that was going to be paying back all of those loans really made me take it seriously.
I’m in a LDR right now myself and I know how hard it is to leave. I kept my job in another state while my Fiance is at graduate school. As much as I love this job and am so thankful that I found something in my field, it is not worth staying. After he graduates in May we’re getting married and doing whatever it takes to make it work. I can’t take this back and forth ‘nonsense’ any more.
I wish nothing but the best for you!
Post # 9
@simplegifts- Than you so much for providing your perspective, I always feel so guilty for my son because I had to divorce his dad (he cheated) and my son never deserved to have a broken home. So I think I over compensate by trying to give everything else to him cuz I didn’t give him that. And I try to do everything without help.
Good for you for just going and starting your life with your FI! I need to listen to you and follow suit.
I wish you the best, and thank you for your input, it really helps 🙂
Post # 10
@squishee: Awe, glad I could help. It sounds like you really love your son and I’m sure he will want you to be happy. Best of luck!!